Venting I just hurt myself for the first time. I’m scared.

[flowersofthesoul]

I've never really self harmed before. Tonight, someone who I thought was my friend triggered me. He triggered me so bad I scratched my arm until it was red and swollen.

I've calmed down, but I'm looking at the damage I've done and I'm scared. I thought I was above this, but here I am.

 

[white_car]

Well obviously they're not a friend.

Managing to actually catch the bus is one thing (we're all considering it here, and it's a thing that actually ends the suffering), but hurting one's self should be avoided at all costs!

So OK, it did happen this one time, but make sure to not do it ever again. Ever.

Just makes things uglier! Zero benefit!

 

[Dot]

'Crisis' Resources for anxiety attacks and emotional overwhelm

Written by @Dot, I am just being the voice so more people can understand it. Okay, so you are having an anxiety episode. It is worth remembering when suffering anxiety attack, that you are safe, despite your body throwing out symptoms and telling you otherwise. We have compiled a list of...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Perhps info hre wll hlp if a triggrng evnt happns in futre

 

[avalokitesvara]

Well obviously they're not a friend.

Managing to actually catch the bus is one thing (we're all considering it here, and it's a thing that actually ends the suffering), but hurting one's self should be avoided at all costs!

So OK, it did happen this one time, but make sure to not do it ever again. Ever.

Just makes things uglier! Zero benefit!

It's also OK if you do it again. I think expressing your pain is fine to do however you want to. What we do doesn't always have to be beneficial or useful. This person may not understand about self harm and therefore has a judgemental tone. You are OK and you will be OK even though you hurt yourself. I'm sorry you were in such distress.

 

[Dot]

Well obviously they're not a friend.

Managing to actually catch the bus is one thing (we're all considering it here, and it's a thing that actually ends the suffering), but hurting one's self should be avoided at all costs!

Tru bt if choic = betwn SH & ctb thn SH = temprry & recovrble

Agree tht = gd 2 b avoidng if pssble tho & hpeflly rsourcs abve cn hlp in dffclt momnts

 

[white_car]

Wasn't judging.

I understand that I don't understand. I also understand that one has to be in a very bad place to self harm.

But to me, catching the bus while more scary and irreversible, does at least bring an end to all suffering, while hurting your self just makes things, well more painful.

Also, expressing literally means "to put outside". This is more like "impressing". Meaning adding more pain *inside* one's self.

 

[orpheus_]

It happens. I get that you might be scared, but just because you did it once doesn't mean it will turn into a regular addiction.

I don't think self harm should be avoided at all costs..i know it can actually, quite ironically, help some people cope and get better, but for some it's a blind path and causes more harm than good. It really depends on a person and circumstances, just be careful, very careful. Saying this as someone with deep scars on my arms. I don't regret it, though I wish I haven't needed it.

You don't need to be scared or angry at yourself for doing it. Like I said, it's not some kind of curse, just because you did it once, especially very suddendly and unplanned, does not mean you will keep doing it. Doing things out of strong emotions is a human thing, and while not always ideal, you don't need to be above it. Your body will heal, and even if you get scars, I think feeling better in the end (in the long run of course) is way more important. Take care <3

 

[flowersofthesoul]

I've never really self harmed before. Tonight, someone who I thought was my friend triggered me. He triggered me so bad I scratched my arm until it was red and swollen.

I've calmed down, but I'm looking at the damage I've done and I'm scared. I thought I was above this, but here I am.

Update!

The next day after this happened, I scheduled onboarding for my next job, I'm planning to go see my sister, and a friend asked me if I'm free to hang out next week!

I'm so emotionally exhausted I can't really feel that much joy, but I'm happy otherwise. And also, fuck that one guy, I'm cutting him out of my life.

 

[Rounded Agony]

sorry, sounds scary. in case this is relevant in the future: i've had these kinds of impulses but have yet to indulge them, and luckily i can map my brain/it moves predictably enough that at least for me, i see it is all about 1) control over circumstances, and 2) returning to the present.

might sound counter-intuitive (or maybe this is the actual theory? idk i gave up on clinical opinions i find it all oppressive af), but take this example: i have a bad/harmful experience at the doctor's. i can't stop thinking about or reliving it that night. so, i'm both not living in the present moment, and in the moment i am living in, i don't have autonomy. how awful.
injuring myself conveniently solves both of these problems (badly)! it's pretty hard to focus on something besides fresh physical pain or injury, and if it's me who did it as opposed to them, well at least i have some agency in the matter.

so i have looked for alternatives that can do both at once. sadly there aren't a ton of choices for me but it's better to at least know. nondestructive violence helps me, like grabbing a thick teatowel and whipping it at something like a couch over and over till i get tired.