Venting Will my life ever get better?😭 I’m tired of sad things happening in my life.

[BlueButterfly111]

I just want the time to come where I will be happy and at peace, because I can't take this for much longer, and I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, I don't think I can do it.

My dad just passed away 3 days ago, and though he wasn't in my life much growing up I reconnected with him about a month before he passed away. Something just told me to do it, and I called his parents first, then I talked to him through his sisters phone. We had a long conversation, and I was drunk, but I basically told him that I loved him, and that I forgive him for not being in my life growing up. Almost 2 weeks later he called me and said he had stage 4 cancer, and that I would probably be the last person he would tell. A week later I talked to him from my grandfather's phone when he was in the hospital, and a week after that he passed away.

I was supposed to go visit him last week, the day before the last time I talked to him, but I wasn't feeling well, and I've been dealing with some health issues on top of pcos problems, and he lives 3 hours away. Obviously that last phone call was the last time I talked to him, as you can imagine I have so many regrets and sadness right now.

When I got in contact with my father a month ago, it was truly my intent to reconnect with him again, but obviously it was too late, and things were meant to happen that way. I regret not visiting him last weekend though, but obviously, you can't change the past. He did tell me that he didn't have much time left, but I thought he had more time left than that, and I wanted to get my health issues together first because I've been bleeding a lot due to pcos.

I'm just so tired of being sad, I miss my boyfriend who passed, I will miss my father, and I'm dreading his funeral because funerals are always really sad for me. I'm sensitive, and I know that I will see a lot of people there that I haven't seen in years, and I hope no one says anything rude to me, but I have to go and I want to. I just feel so sad and alone. I had to grieve my boyfriends passing by myself, and his death hurt a lot, and I almost didn't make it because of his death. I'm just so tired of being sad.

 

[sinnrr-sistrr]

Oh BlueButterfly, I'm so sorry this happened to you. If it somehow makes you feel any better, my gf had the same experience with her mom, and honestly I think she hasn't processed her death completely yet. In spite of it, though, she found happiness again in me.

Grief truly is the worst because there's nothing anyone can do to make the situation better, you can only learn to live with it better.

I think your best bet truly is to end that loneliness that's been taking you over. See your friends, or make new ones through support groups and stuff. It's really important that you stay well supported in these moments and never let your pain bottle up inside you for too long.

Everything I just said could be completely wrong, I have never had to deal with grief in my life, though I have had to live in loneliness for years and what really saved me was meeting that one friend who pulled me out of it.

I believe in you, BlueButterfly. I sincerely always love seeing you around. You are appreciated, you are loved. <3

 

[nightdriveecstasy]

Hey, my bf passed too and everyday i spend my time missing him and wondering what meaning life has. On top of that bad stuff just keeps happening too. I understand you.