Wanting to be coerced/ killed

[dogdrool]

I am genuinely suicidal, so this isn't necessarily a thought about wanting to die against my own will entirely, but I get a lot of intrusive thoughts about putting myself in a situation where there's a chance I'll be hurt or killed (a very slim chance, but still a chance).

I also get thoughts about wanting to be coerced into suicide (I've backed out a few times before, so I suppose this sort of thing stems from wanting to me encouraged through second thinking). On occasion I also think about hurting other people, or just passively wishing people in my life would get hurt or die as a reason for me to then commit suicide.

I know other people think things like this too, I don't have anything else to say but I just wanted to start a conversation about it. I think I'm just desperate for something to push me over the edge. It's weird that you can have the passive urge to die so badly without really feeling like you're able to take any action.

 

[phantasmagoria]

I've also thought of someone killing me instead of ctbing and I find the thought mildly pleasant, so, yea you're not alone

 

[dewasrite]

I literally just responded to a post about that. I want someone to shoot and kill me. My husband once said to me that if I kept acting the way I do (road rage thing) that someone was going to kill me someday. I can't even begin to describe how unbelievably happy I when I think it might even be a possibility. I know it's not probable but it is a really nice thing to imagine. Like the way people think about winning the lottery.