Venting I'm Trying

[broken_stoic]

I really am. I'm in therapy with an actually amazing therapist. I'm playing the medication game again. I'm going to try TMS. But I don't know that I'll ever get back the life I lost, the life I was so close to having. and I'm tired of being me. My main thing is cptsd (but there are plenty others that come out of it and other things alongside it). This is one of those days when I just don't want to do it anymore. It's just too hard to know I might not have a future. I'm burning through savings I built up over the last ten years and will have nothing to show for it. I'm just surviving. And I don't want to be me anymore, it's just to heavy. I chose to try, but I want to be done.

 

[timf]

I knew a guy many years ago that had been a pilot for Air Viet Nam. When he and some friends were refugees in Hang Kong, he said, it looks like we aren't going to b pilots anymore. He then went to bartender school and subsequently worked his way through electronics school as a bartender.

Life can take twist and turns that were never anticipated. I don't know if this is something you are dealing with, but sometimes a person can become so fixated on a particular path that they are unable to adapt to changing circumstances.

It is great that you are attempting medications again, but you should remember that sometimes medications make things better and sometimes they make things worse. Since you used the word "again" I suspect your previous experiences have made you wise to keep an eye out for any negative effect.

A narrow focus can amplify a present situation. It can be helpful sometimes to add something to your routine unconventional so broaden your routine and thus take some of the intensity off things.

 

[pinstripe]

I really am. I'm in therapy with an actually amazing therapist. I'm playing the medication game again. I'm going to try TMS. But I don't know that I'll ever get back the life I lost, the life I was so close to having. and I'm tired of being me. My main thing is cptsd (but there are plenty others that come out of it and other things alongside it). This is one of those days when I just don't want to do it anymore. It's just too hard to know I might not have a future. I'm burning through savings I built up over the last ten years and will have nothing to show for it. I'm just surviving. And I don't want to be me anymore, it's just to heavy. I chose to try, but I want to be done.

I too suffer from cPTSD. I am on medication and in therapy. I did TMS. I feel the same way of "not wanting to be me".

I recently posted my story if you want to read it. It's so heavy choosing to try. I keep trying as much as I want to be done. It's so difficult being in this middle ground.