Venting I want to cut all social bonds

[foggyskies_]

Hi. Been a while. I guess I come here when my vents are too awful for normal people but I still need advice. Sorry for taking up this space.

I just feel so burdened by having relationships to other people. I like having friends but these damn phones make me feel obligated all the time. Everyone has an Instagram or a Discord everyone wants to keep in touch. It's too much for me to handle. I hate that if I'm too tired or apathetic or anxious to respond to someone, it means I've "ghosted" them. Every person I want to make meaningful connections with face to face becomes another loose end I see everytime I open my damn phone. It raises my heart rate. I don't like it, I can't handle it. I wasn't built for this. I can hardly handle navigating people with normal brains, finding normal topics of conversation. Or if I do organically click with someone, chances are it's a male and I have to spend more time worrying if he secretly has an agenda, because as much as I hate it you can never have an adult friendship with a man without someone thinking there's an expectation. I don't like romantic implications, I don't even feel romantic love most of the time. The only reason I have a girlfriend is because of a bunch of circumstances I got roped into. I hate that people can google my name or certain details about me and immediately find out my identity. I want to never have been known. I want complete anonymity. I'm so tired of all of it. I've been trying to ctb so frequently the past few months. I hurt myself almost daily- be it medications or knives or not treating my wounds. I wish it would kill me already. I hope I die so I don't have the pressure of being someone's friend, being a student, being a worker or needing money or all this myriad of things to be a human all of it all of it everyone can see me, everyone sees and the social network is so complex that I'll never navigate it all. The bar to entry for humanity is too high, I don't want to be here anymore. I want to take more pills and sleep for longer but my body hurts from being still for so long. My arms are numb from the CNS depressants and I'm getting bedsores again. Why can't I just die already?

 

[finallydone]

well let me tell you a little story about myself, i once cut all my social bonds for 2 years, stopped calling friends or answering their calls, stopped going to school, minimized my "shopping" time to the point where i almost had nothing to wear (funnily enough i still kinda do), i even stopped going to the barber and started cutting my hair by my own, it got so bad to the point that the last 6 months i spent everyday in the house just watching anime and going for some 70m sprints every other day a couple of times during the day

Looking back at it now i think that that was one of the dumbest decisions i took in my life so i advise you not to do the same, these 2 years weren't just tough and sad at the time but also made my already fucked up brain a lot more fucked up in record time and i might never recover from it till my death comes

 

[DevonBostick'sAss]

Eventually it will make you feel worse. At least it was like that for me. There will be a time where no one will talk to you so dont try to make it happen now. Have fun for now in the end its just you and you .

 

[im gonna grow wings]

are you me? i feel this way all the time. i enjoy having friends but having to maintain those bonds is so exhausting. i fight myself everyday and force myself to respond because if i don't, i'll have no one. and that scares me more than anything.

 

[Hollowman]

I ruined all my social bonds. I can't make new ones. Except for my mom I'm alone and it's not good.

 

[foggyskies_]

Eventually it will make you feel worse. At least it was like that for me. There will be a time where no one will talk to you so dont try to make it happen now. Have fun for now in the end its just you and you .

I feel awful regardless. I'd rather die and be alone rather than endure the pain it is everyday being pressured by the eyes constantly on me. I've experienced complete isolation before as well and although it made some things worse for me, everything became peaceful. There's truly no way for me to be happy so maybe if I'm completely on my own I can finally ctb without any inhibitions.

 

[lobster salad]

Hey there. I have cut all social bonds except the unavoidable face-to-face interaction with family members since 2022 or 2023. I feel like a zombie now. I am not sure I wish it onto anybody. Any kind of small talk is difficult. Once I entered this stage, I do not have ideation anymore. My responses are mainly "I don't know". I have no job, no friends I speak to occasionally, nothing. It leaves you with even less. Maybe if that is what you want, because that was what I wanted at that moment.

 

[Galahad]

Hey there. I have cut all social bonds except the unavoidable face-to-face interaction with family members since 2022 or 2023. I feel like a zombie now. I am not sure I wish it onto anybody. Any kind of small talk is difficult. Once I entered this stage, I do not have ideation anymore. My responses are mainly "I don't know". I have no job, no friends I speak to occasionally, nothing. It leaves you with even less. Maybe if that is what you want, because that was what I wanted at that moment.

I saw your now deleted thread. I want to address your connection issues.

As you're already registered on this site you can freely use a VPN, that will bypass your country restrictions.

I would recommend Proton VPN, it's free and always works.

My paid NordVPN will only access sanctionedsuicide.site, it won't access sanctioned-suicide.net - frustrating as bookmarks save as the latter. I always use Proton for SaSu.

 

[usernamesarehard]

I feel like cutting everyone off too. Just turn my phone off for a month or two and enjoy peace. I don't have very many friends and for one of the ones I do have it's pretty normal for us to go weeks/months not talking to each other and then picking up where we left off. So at least I'd still have that connection. It's not because they're bothersome to me. I just don't want to be around anyone. I'm not as bad as I used to be, but I kinda want to just wallow for a bit.

Anyway, advice: don't do it. Making friends is hard. Making friends as an adult is brutally hard. I'm not saying revolve your life around them. But don't cut them off and don't ignore them for weeks/ months on end. Keep the friends you have.

Loneliness can be crippling.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

It hurts to be lonely but it hurts to be hurt by others... so being stuck in this in between world isn't a life, and I plan to change that.

I occasionally go through a spree where i unfriend the few people I have, and have drafts of letters to send after I've gone. They have the detail of who and what caused my pain and whatever happens to resolve the abuse will be great.

I feel the only power in my life is unplugging and deleting people gives me the healing I need. it's better to be true to yourself than compromise your values for people who don't support you any way. Freedom in non-existance...

 

[monetpompo]

cutting ties with my best friend immediately made me want to solidify my ctb plans more because i realized i feel way more alone after isolating myself than how i feel worrying if he's going to finally replace me LOL. my brain's fried. like @finallydone said, isolating yourself on purpose just makes living way worse, even if you are planning to ctb. i hate how strong my urges are to run away from the people i care about. it literally makes me a worse person when i feed into those urges. i pretty much have no social media beyond discord and letterboxd, which is a little more anonymized than twitter or instagram. if i could, i'd be one of those people that use a cute flip phone instead of my iphone.

 

[PaleSwrdsmn]

Currently burning my bridges, certainly doesn't feel good, but in a way it's like lifting a weight off of someone else's life; it helps with commitment when it comes to CTB but in any other scenario I'd say it'll just lead to more loneliness.

 

[kiro__]

Hi. Been a while. I guess I come here when my vents are too awful for normal people but I still need advice. Sorry for taking up this space.

I just feel so burdened by having relationships to other people. I like having friends but these damn phones make me feel obligated all the time. Everyone has an Instagram or a Discord everyone wants to keep in touch. It's too much for me to handle. I hate that if I'm too tired or apathetic or anxious to respond to someone, it means I've "ghosted" them. Every person I want to make meaningful connections with face to face becomes another loose end I see everytime I open my damn phone. It raises my heart rate. I don't like it, I can't handle it. I wasn't built for this. I can hardly handle navigating people with normal brains, finding normal topics of conversation. Or if I do organically click with someone, chances are it's a male and I have to spend more time worrying if he secretly has an agenda, because as much as I hate it you can never have an adult friendship with a man without someone thinking there's an expectation. I don't like romantic implications, I don't even feel romantic love most of the time. The only reason I have a girlfriend is because of a bunch of circumstances I got roped into. I hate that people can google my name or certain details about me and immediately find out my identity. I want to never have been known. I want complete anonymity. I'm so tired of all of it. I've been trying to ctb so frequently the past few months. I hurt myself almost daily- be it medications or knives or not treating my wounds. I wish it would kill me already. I hope I die so I don't have the pressure of being someone's friend, being a student, being a worker or needing money or all this myriad of things to be a human all of it all of it everyone can see me, everyone sees and the social network is so complex that I'll never navigate it all. The bar to entry for humanity is too high, I don't want to be here anymore. I want to take more pills and sleep for longer but my body hurts from being still for so long. My arms are numb from the CNS depressants and I'm getting bedsores again. Why can't I just die already?

I feel you,I wanted to disappear

 

[theEnemy]

well let me tell you a little story about myself, i once cut all my social bonds for 2 years, stopped calling friends or answering their calls, stopped going to school, minimized my "shopping" time to the point where i almost had nothing to wear (funnily enough i still kinda do), i even stopped going to the barber and started cutting my hair by my own, it got so bad to the point that the last 6 months i spent everyday in the house just watching anime and going for some 70m sprints every other day a couple of times during the day

Looking back at it now i think that that was one of the dumbest decisions i took in my life so i advise you not to do the same, these 2 years weren't just tough and sad at the time but also made my already fucked up brain a lot more fucked up in record time and i might never recover from it till my death comes

i want to fuck up my brain and mental too

I feel like cutting everyone off too. Just turn my phone off for a month or two and enjoy peace. I don't have very many friends and for one of the ones I do have it's pretty normal for us to go weeks/months not talking to each other and then picking up where we left off. So at least I'd still have that connection. It's not because they're bothersome to me. I just don't want to be around anyone. I'm not as bad as I used to be, but I kinda want to just wallow for a bit.

Anyway, advice: don't do it. Making friends is hard. Making friends as an adult is brutally hard. I'm not saying revolve your life around them. But don't cut them off and don't ignore them for weeks/ months on end. Keep the friends you have.

Loneliness can be crippling.

lonelyness what could break my brain more. i want it

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've let friendships drift to the point that they are very minimal. Personally, I prefer it but then, I'm lucky in that I don't tend to get lonely. It's probably not the healthiest approach though.

It sounds more like you feel overwhelned though- understandable when you feel pressured to pounce on every message. Maybe you could create a compromise where you try laying down some boundaries. Message your friends to say you don't check certain social media regularly so, you may be delayed in responding and, for them to please not to take that personally.

With guys, maybe try to raise the topic of having a girlfriend but not being that interested in romantic relagionships.

Ultimately, you only have to participate as much as you want to. Obviously, not to the extent that eveything is on your terms. Not everyone appreciates a 'fair weather friend' but, it's reasonable to say you need your own space now and then. I've done that with friends and, I've known others do it. Some of us are more on the introverted side and, we need time to ourselves too. I think you can say it without seeming offensive.

 

[Dejected 55]

People who don't understand you, won't listen to you, and are determined to give you advice that you do not want or need... are more frustrating than being alone. Detaching from my side is easy. Getting some people to leave you alone might be difficult.

And it's not always going to be people who really care about you who try and stick around either... It's just as likely to be people who actually don't care about you but they don't want to feel like they didn't "win" the conversation since you didn't go whatever they said you should do... so they'll keep bothering you with platitudes until either you do what they want so they can say "I helped" and be a hero in their own mind... or you die. Those sorts of people will not let go no matter what you say to them. It sucks.

 

[enduringwinter]

Yeah I cut all mine. Everytime I think this is it I cannot be more isolated somehow I find even more to cut. I've accepted that generally accepted truths arent actually always universal, being alone is "healthier" for me.

 

[Higurashi415]

Hi. Been a while. I guess I come here when my vents are too awful for normal people but I still need advice. Sorry for taking up this space.

I just feel so burdened by having relationships to other people. I like having friends but these damn phones make me feel obligated all the time. Everyone has an Instagram or a Discord everyone wants to keep in touch. It's too much for me to handle. I hate that if I'm too tired or apathetic or anxious to respond to someone, it means I've "ghosted" them. Every person I want to make meaningful connections with face to face becomes another loose end I see everytime I open my damn phone. It raises my heart rate. I don't like it, I can't handle it. I wasn't built for this. I can hardly handle navigating people with normal brains, finding normal topics of conversation. Or if I do organically click with someone, chances are it's a male and I have to spend more time worrying if he secretly has an agenda, because as much as I hate it you can never have an adult friendship with a man without someone thinking there's an expectation. I don't like romantic implications, I don't even feel romantic love most of the time. The only reason I have a girlfriend is because of a bunch of circumstances I got roped into. I hate that people can google my name or certain details about me and immediately find out my identity. I want to never have been known. I want complete anonymity. I'm so tired of all of it. I've been trying to ctb so frequently the past few months. I hurt myself almost daily- be it medications or knives or not treating my wounds. I wish it would kill me already. I hope I die so I don't have the pressure of being someone's friend, being a student, being a worker or needing money or all this myriad of things to be a human all of it all of it everyone can see me, everyone sees and the social network is so complex that I'll never navigate it all. The bar to entry for humanity is too high, I don't want to be here anymore. I want to take more pills and sleep for longer but my body hurts from being still for so long. My arms are numb from the CNS depressants and I'm getting bedsores again. Why can't I just die already?

I used to think that, at some point I realize that you and your friend make the rules for that friendship. There is an endless type of friendships and types of friends... maybe you aren't that friend who always answer messages right away, who is always there, with whom you text 24/7, and that's completely fine. My friends KNOW that I'll answer their texts in like... 7 or so business days. This also applies to my romantic partner, by the way. I have thoroughly discussed this exact matter, and came to the conclusion that more often than not it's better if I don't answer. She doesn't completely agree with this, but she respects it.

I suggest you do the same, as in discussing your boundaries and what can be reasonably expected from you considering the circumstances. Don't feel bad, it's not your fault.