Discussion How to live as a terrible person?

[NoIdeaForAUsername]

First imagine a person who combines all the traits below: (it doesn't matter if you think that this person cannot exist, or you're sure there are some positive values there that are not mentioned; just imagine a person with these particular traits. For making it easier let's give this person a name: "Bob")

- mentally not capable to keep any job because of behavioral disorders constantly leading to making enemies in any workplace sooner or later, which results being in toxic relations with co-workers and superiors that ends with losing a job that way of another

- not intelligent enough to find a way to earn money by himself to get any kind of income and avoid going to a regular job, but intelligent enough to be fully aware of being not very intelligent. Explanation: Truly stupid people can't fully acknowledge and accept the fact that they are stupid, because of their defense mechanisms, they are forced to lie to themselves in their consciousness that they are pretty smart, so we are talking about Bob being intellectually just 1 step ahead of them, but he is still too stupid to do intelligent people stuff like obtaining high education or do complex work like IT etc... Bob is basically limited to simple jobs that he is incapable of keeping for longer, which always ends with Bob being poor and unemployed.

- Bob didn't manage to obtain any constant feeling about faith / God. He is literally trapped in a fight between 1000 arguments to believe in God and other 1000 arguments that God doesn't exist. Therefore, Bob is some kind of "faithful atheist". It is not possible for him to just find his way through God.

- history of animal abuse (killing / torturing small animals like insects, guinea pigs / rabbits / chickens / dogs). Doing these evil acts gave Bob great satisfaction and the feeling of being powerful.

- terrible experience with shrinks and therapy (many tries with many different specialist - always with 0 effect, literal immunity to being helped this way)

- bad experience with people overall. Never met any actual friends, just people he was hanging out with for some time. Made many people suffer by mentally hurting them that way or another. All of these experiences with hundreds of people made Bob actually believe that people are overall just evil by nature, which makes him isolate from society even more. He basically became a hermit, closed in his apartment that he leaves only to buy food, and that is his only way to actually meet people in real life.

- Crippling loneliness, leading to great attention seeking (searching for friends even when he actually hates all the people). Sending constant messages to different people on Discord, Twitch, and Reddit just to get any kind of answer from them, many of these messages are just toxic and hateful, because even being hated back or banned is some kind of response, making Bob feel not alone for a moment, because someone actually gave him some attention. Bob even tried many times to help people on the internet, for example by coaching them in games that he is good at, which always ended with him feeling like they used him and didn't respect his gift. This entire helping / coaching idea obviously also had a source in loneliness. Also, Bob is not good enough in any game to actually earn money by doing that.

- Bob's 30-year-old body is already pretty much destroyed due to not being able to live healthy, because it was too much work to cook his food or workout. Something constantly hurts, every day brings some kind of psychical pain, while he cannot seek any medical help, because he have no money for it, while social help doesn't work good enough in his country to provide anything to constantly unemployed people like him.

- Bob has no family of his own, no friends. He only has a mother and two sisters who are just trying to live their own lives. Bob can't face it any longer that he is a constant burden for them instead of actual help.

- Overall weakness of character, like usually not being capable of winning with procrastination, low resistance to addictive substances, being scared the whole life, not being able to defend himself from bullying throughout his entire childhood.

- Completely incapable to suicide due to being too weak to do it. Bob is intelligent and self-aware enough to really know what kind of person he is, so he understands that the only good choice he got left is to just end this absolute misery, but he is not even close to obtain enough power to force himself to actually make any suicide attempt. He can only think how awesome it would be to finally end all of this insanity.



Now, the question for you: What do you think Bob should do? His situation is literally devastating; every single day is some kind of suffering. What should Bob actually do? He can't just die, he is too weak to fight for death to come, but he is also too weak to live. That constant feeling of being trapped in life, that in some way is similar to hell (constant suffering without possibility to escape it).

PS. Bob doesn't exist, so please don't send any messages with "good wishes" or compassion. Just write your actual ideas, and if you don't have any then do not send a message.

 

[The Actual Devil]

Best wishes to Bob.

Off the top of my head, Bob can choose one of two different paths. I'm speaking generally here, with specific regard to the title.

If Bob wants to be a better person and live a better life, he can start by pursuing the path of radical acceptance. By embracing his missteps, he can identify what is actually within his control right now and make a plan to move onward from there, seeking amends along the way.

Meanwhile, if Bob wants to live his best life for his own sake and screw the past, he can study the art of not giving a fuck. I'm not into Mark Manson myself, but if you want on the fast path to egoism, I imagine that's a good starting point.

Either way, Bob will eventually have to forgive himself and accept that what's done is done. The path forward is shaped by the steps he took in the past, but how he travels is still up to him. There are different types of forgiveness, and he must pick the most holistic form that he can live with.

I know you might have been looking for a detailed list of steps he could take to improve his life, but honestly, so many people are hung up on "I'm a terrible person" that they fail to ever get out of their cycles of self-pity and self-hatred. If Bob can climb out of that pit first, he'll have made a gigantic step toward recovery, and maybe even be able to figure the rest out on his own.

 

[EmptyBottle]

Get therapy or similar so he stops harming animals.

Note, even 'stupid' people can likely follow instructions. And cults could use that to ensure the person keeps working for them.

If unable to live or die there is a crazy (and never used) saying that says 'walk as far north as one can go. If it is impossible, try to go east. If that becomes impossible, find another direction to travel'. New location can change conditions maybe, even something from the sky can fall during the walk (once it lands, maybe an l can be added between his name? jk)

Spoiler: speculation (ED)

No idea if Bob has anorexia, a person who doesn't care if Bob doesn't survive might tell Bob to keep up the anorexia (since it may eventually kill).

I have no experience with that (unless you count 'not being in the mood to eat yet' sometimes, tho max after a few extra hours I will eat... or if food is served (eg sealed banana available) I'd eat earlier compared to when I have to search fridge, or take time consuming action.

 

[enduringwinter]

Hi I'm Bob

Biggest and only real issue of this type is lack of agency, now most of us weren't born this way but came a long way to lose our will, something like jail for example. If you have agency to do anything the rest literally dont matter. I also dont believe a big change to jolt Bob into momentum is the way to go about this, it's gotta be something easy and gradual. I'll find out as I go

 

[wham311]

Bob here too

 

[The Actual Devil]

Bob here too

 

[Nothing Left]

Okay, so I'm just going to be straightforward and assume this is about you.

What are your mental health diagnoses? What treatment or specific therapy has been suggested for those diagnoses?

Do you feel guilt or shame for your behavior?

Why do you think you have hurt animals/people?

Have you been abused in the past?

What sparks the conflict between you and others in the workplace? Or you and others in general?

The extent of your self-awareness and introspection shows that you are intelligent, you just lack self-efficacy and your self-concept is fucked.

 

[Blurry_Buildings]

First of all everything about Bob's history makes no difference right now, especially when talking about past personality traits in relationships or past killing of insects or hurting chickens/dogs. Aside from the many cultures who openly abuse animals routinely, Bob, like everyone else, is already complicit in the incredibly inhumane mass slaughter of cattle in order to eat bacon for breakfast. The fact that Bob even has the introspection to think about his past actions surrounding animals is better than the majority of the human population, yes even if he deliberately hurt a few. I say this as a somewhat ashamed but avid bacon eater.

Bob's past personality traits in general are regrettable, but it makes no difference now if he does not have these traits anymore. The people and the animals from the past have forgotten about him, and since Bob lives like a recluse no one in the modern world actually knows who Bob is.

Right now, if bob is not going to kill himself, he needs to find a purpose to replace the addictive behaviors, or else he will continue to be miserable. It's true that Bob could be miserable either way, but the misery is guaranteed if he stays inside.

What does bob enjoy doing? Probably nothing at all, because Bob doesn't do anything, so he has no idea. Bob needs to find out what Bob enjoys doing and do it often enough that it gives him a reason to eat healthy, interact with people, and stop his addictions. It may sound like a platitude, but if bob doesn't find something he enjoys doing, he will be forever stuck in the same place he is right now. Bob needs to find a hobby urgently.

Since we've established bob doesn't enjoy anything right now, hasn't tried anything that could be enjoyable, and is either a faint memory or more likely completely unknown to literally everyone, he needs to try new things by getting involved with as many clubs and organizations in his local area that he can find. Bob will find many things that he is intimidated by which makes him think about just laying in bed instead, and he also will go to many events that he ends up not liking. This is a necessary part of the process, and it is still better to go to an event that makes bob wish he had just stayed home over staying home and never knowing what the event would be like.

Once bob finds an activity he enjoys doing, and a group that does that activity (which has to be found through trial and error), bob needs to show up consistently. Bob may go many months before real progress is made. This is nothing compared to the years Bob has spent in bed and nothing to the years he still has to live through.

Literally everything else is tangential to the above. Bob needs something he enjoys doing that will give him a purpose.
That being said,
Bob should look for a job where he does not have many coworkers if his relationships with them are unstable. Bob needs a job, and he'll probably hate it, but for most people there isn't a way out of it. If bob makes an "ok" salary ($30,000/$15 an hour in the US, slightly higher than minimum wage in most other economies) and lives in a relatively developed economy he can buy premade food from the front section of a grocery/ convienence store (Americas, EU, East Asia) or from street vendors (most other developing economies). If bob is in the US, $5 sandwiches and wraps made in store and gas station sushi are far better than any microwavable chemically altered "food" he will find in the freezer aisle. This will be slightly more expensive than making it himself or buying processed food, but as long as Bob is living alone he can afford it in most developed and some developing economies.

*If bob is feeling up to it, I recommend buying canned beans, canned corn, 1 bell pepper, 1 onion, rice, cilantro, a lime, and chicken/tofu. Put rice lime and cilantro in rice cooker, cook the corn and beans in a pot, cook the onion and bell peppers in a pan, then slice the chicken or use tofu if you are lazy, and put it all into 8 burritos for the week. When eating I like tabasco sauce and salsa if I forget/ was too lazy to use seasoning before hand, but sometimes I use soy sauce like a heathen in an unholy but good tasting combination. It can be done in 20 minutes if Bob cooks it all simultaneously and costs like $1.50 per burrito. Bob should freeze any that he plans on eating more than 3 days from when he cooks it. Bob should also buy a panini maker and put normal lunchmeat+cheese sandwiches onto the panini maker, bob will never go back to normal sandwiches again.

Edit: Have a virtual hug \o/ , I know its hard, I'm not similar to bob, but I still selfishly wrote this for me as much as you. Even if you aren't planning on being here a lot longer. I think its still worth it

 

[wham311]

First of all everything about Bob's history makes no difference right now, especially when talking about past personality traits in relationships or past killing of insects or hurting chickens/dogs. Aside from the many cultures who openly abuse animals routinely, Bob, like everyone else, is already complicit in the incredibly inhumane mass slaughter of cattle in order to eat bacon for breakfast. The fact that Bob even has the introspection to think about his past actions surrounding animals is better than the majority of the human population, yes even if he deliberately hurt a few. I say this as a somewhat ashamed but avid bacon eater.

Bob's past personality traits in general are regrettable, but it makes no difference now if he does not have these traits anymore. The people and the animals from the past have forgotten about him, and since Bob lives like a recluse no one in the modern world actually knows who Bob is.

Right now, if bob is not going to kill himself, he needs to find a purpose to replace the addictive behaviors, or else he will continue to be miserable. It's true that Bob could be miserable either way, but the misery is guaranteed if he stays inside.

What does bob enjoy doing? Probably nothing at all, because Bob doesn't do anything, so he has no idea. Bob needs to find out what Bob enjoys doing and do it often enough that it gives him a reason to eat healthy, interact with people, and stop his addictions. It may sound like a platitude, but if bob doesn't find something he enjoys doing, he will be forever stuck in the same place he is right now. Bob needs to find a hobby urgently.

Since we've established bob doesn't enjoy anything right now, hasn't tried anything that could be enjoyable, and is either a faint memory or more likely completely unknown to literally everyone, he needs to try new things by getting involved with as many clubs and organizations in his local area that he can find. Bob will find many things that he is intimidated by which makes him think about just laying in bed instead, and he also will go to many events that he ends up not liking. This is a necessary part of the process, and it is still better to go to an event that makes bob wish he had just stayed home over staying home and never knowing what the event would be like.

Once bob finds an activity he enjoys doing, and a group that does that activity (which has to be found through trial and error), bob needs to show up consistently. Bob may go many months before real progress is made. This is nothing compared to the years Bob has spent in bed and nothing to the years he still has to live through.

Literally everything else is tangential to the above. Bob needs something he enjoys doing that will give him a purpose.
That being said,
Bob should look for a job where he does not have many coworkers if his relationships with them are unstable. Bob needs a job, and he'll probably hate it, but for most people there isn't a way out of it. If bob makes an "ok" salary ($30,000/$15 an hour in the US, slightly higher than minimum wage in most other economies) and lives in a relatively developed economy he can buy premade food from the front section of a grocery/ convienence store (Americas, EU, East Asia) or from street vendors (most other developing economies). If bob is in the US, $5 sandwiches and wraps made in store and gas station sushi are far better than any microwavable chemically altered "food" he will find in the freezer aisle. This will be slightly more expensive than making it himself or buying processed food, but as long as Bob is living alone he can afford it in most developed and some developing economies.

*If bob is feeling up to it, I recommend buying canned beans, canned corn, 1 bell pepper, 1 onion, rice, cilantro, a lime, and chicken/tofu. Put rice lime and cilantro in rice cooker, cook the corn and beans in a pot, cook the onion and bell peppers in a pan, then slice the chicken or use tofu if you are lazy, and put it all into 8 burritos for the week. When eating I like tabasco sauce and salsa if I forget/ was too lazy to use seasoning before hand, but sometimes I use soy sauce like a heathen in an unholy but good tasting combination. It can be done in 20 minutes if Bob cooks it all simultaneously and costs like $1.50 per burrito. Bob should freeze any that he plans on eating more than 3 days from when he cooks it. Bob should also buy a panini maker and put normal lunchmeat+cheese sandwiches onto the panini maker, bob will never go back to normal sandwiches again.

Edit: Have a virtual hug \o/ , I know its hard, I'm not similar to bob, but I still selfishly wrote this for me as much as you. Even if you aren't planning on being here a lot longer. I think its still worth it

All of this is fucking impossible. Lol. To an unwell person of course.

 

[theboy]

Bob has to analyze his decision and make a decision of his own