Cauliflour
The masochist who doodles.
- Mar 24, 2025
- 637
I
cut for fun. I haven't found anything that can replace that feeling because I have Alexithymia. I know at some point I'm gonna start making more and more extreme wounds and then want more and more to fuel the addiction but if I spiral then it won't be long before I'm dead in a bathtub with self inflicted stab wounds all over me. I have a bucket list I wanna complete: how long do I have left before the addiction consumes me and I have to get like amputations for fucking up a nerve or like I'm so injured I can't do anything except lie on the floor and laugh?
Don't tell me to stop, that's not gonna do anything at this point.
I suppose I should also ask if this is life long cause it's gonna be a bit of a problem if the dopamine doesn't hit anymore and I'm just left with normie feelings of pain and scars I suddenly think are ugly and shameful.
(I'm not glorifiying self harm, mods. I just wanna know when I'm gonna do a big relapse so I can plan around it.)
cut for fun. I haven't found anything that can replace that feeling because I have Alexithymia. I know at some point I'm gonna start making more and more extreme wounds and then want more and more to fuel the addiction but if I spiral then it won't be long before I'm dead in a bathtub with self inflicted stab wounds all over me. I have a bucket list I wanna complete: how long do I have left before the addiction consumes me and I have to get like amputations for fucking up a nerve or like I'm so injured I can't do anything except lie on the floor and laugh?Don't tell me to stop, that's not gonna do anything at this point.
I suppose I should also ask if this is life long cause it's gonna be a bit of a problem if the dopamine doesn't hit anymore and I'm just left with normie feelings of pain and scars I suddenly think are ugly and shameful.
(I'm not glorifiying self harm, mods. I just wanna know when I'm gonna do a big relapse so I can plan around it.)
