I don't want to die but I think I will have to kill myself soon.

[drinkthenectar]

After finally getting better, feeling happy and having a goal in life and many things I want to do. My dad just told us that he is most likely selling our house because of the debt he created. We will have to move. It's gonna sound stupid to everyone probably, but once the deal is confirmed, I'm going to kill myself. Without the house, we have to give up our pet birds which I love dearly, and I won't have my room which I grew up living in my whole life, the only place I've ever felt safe and at home. I genuinely cannot keep going without those two things. I don't even care if the place we move to is objectively better or anything, I NEED my room and my beloved birds. I really cannot do this. I tried my best and I'm going to give up now if this happens. I know I'll move out eventually, but I want it to be when I'm ready and on my own terms. Not now when I'm happy to be here still. I attempted an overdose once and vomited everything out, not trying that again. I need to look into painless methods again but if I can't make it work I'll just find some abandoned building near my area to jump off of. Or maybe I'll hang myself at the stair railing in my house like I always fantasized to. I don't know. I'll think about it. Now I'm gonna start my preparation in advance, write my goodbye letters, make a complied documents of my novel and poems that I want to publish so someone can publish them once I'm gone. And look for someone who loves the stuff I collect to take over my collection so at least it goes to a good home. I'm tired. I tried my best to live and this is what I get. Something completely out of my control. I'm just done trying now. Can only talk about this here because my friends will just try to change my mind.

 

[Kanau_Nano]

Leaving somewhere that makes you comfortable while dealing with depression is so hard, i understand. I'm so sorry about your birds too you love them so much. I wish I knew a way to make you feel better. I hope you can just rest today in your room and spend lots of time with your birds. That would be nice.

What kind of birds are they and their names if i can ask? Btw it's cool you like to write too. What do you write about?

 

[hati793]

Humans have not figured out how everyone can have thier own home and own land to grow food , this is what it is .

Is it very hard to figure out? No, but once everyone has thier home and food security who will go in army? Who will clean their houses , who will become prostitute?

Once your intelligence reaches it peak it will be not possible to live here, only becuase stupid people are in majority this is all working out ,this is what it is.

 

[drinkthenectar]

Leaving somewhere that makes you comfortable while dealing with depression is so hard, i understand. I'm so sorry about your birds too you love them so much. I wish I knew a way to make you feel better. I hope you can just rest today in your room and spend lots of time with your birds. That would be nice.

What kind of birds are they and their names if i can ask? Btw it's cool you like to write too. What do you write about?

my birds are all parrots. 1 white cockatiel named kumo, he is a sweetheart and he can talk. 1 conure named mori, hes super mean to me and bites a lot but ofc i love him still. 1 budgie we rescued named creeper, hes not tame and doesnt really interact with me much, but ofc i love him too. parrots are my favorite animal and if i was an animal i am def one of them. and i write poetry mainly about dealing with my depression and other mental illnesses. im also working on a novel which i started 2 years ago but havent been working on it since until recently because i just got the motivation to look into it again. i literally just talked to a few of my friends to brainstorm more ideas for the story and such. it sucks that at the end of it all it won't be published and it will just be those friends that will know the most details about them.