Venting No fucking will to live but not enough will to die

[subtract7671]

I feel fucking trapped. I have been wanting to die for years. I have chronic illnesses (both mental and physical) and struggle with life and find the burden of just eating, sleeping, brushing my teeth, and all that shit to be too much, just maintaining this body makes me wanna die, let alone having any capacity spare for any enjoyment of life or anything like that. Despite all that I keep looking at methods and not finding any I'm happy with. I don't have enough will to die to source chemicals or go through with anything despite the fact that every fucking joy of my life is slowly being sapped by my deteriorating health. I keep saying I'm gonna kill myself then not doing it because everything's too fucking hard.

I wish I could find more will to die. I don't wanna be alive but dying seems too fucking hard (especially being somewhere where it's hard to get SN, hard to get firearms, hard to get anything, and having already failed at least once with all the more accessible methods)

any advice? Either on finding a will to live or finding a will to die? A lack of both is the fucking worst. I don't wanna be another fucking sad poster on here just constantly complaining about how much life sucks and never doing anything about it.

 

[gardenhouse]

I feel fucking trapped. I have been wanting to die for years. I have chronic illnesses (both mental and physical) and struggle with life and find the burden of just eating, sleeping, brushing my teeth, and all that shit to be too much, just maintaining this body makes me wanna die, let alone having any capacity spare for any enjoyment of life or anything like that. Despite all that I keep looking at methods and not finding any I'm happy with. I don't have enough will to die to source chemicals or go through with anything despite the fact that every fucking joy of my life is slowly being sapped by my deteriorating health. I keep saying I'm gonna kill myself then not doing it because everything's too fucking hard.

I wish I could find more will to die. I don't wanna be alive but dying seems too fucking hard (especially being somewhere where it's hard to get SN, hard to get firearms, hard to get anything, and having already failed at least once with all the more accessible methods)

any advice? Either on finding a will to live or finding a will to die? A lack of both is the fucking worst. I don't wanna be another fucking sad poster on here just constantly complaining about how much life sucks and never doing anything about it.

What country do you live in? Do you have access to nitrogen gas?

 

[subtract7671]

What country do you live in? Do you have access to nitrogen gas?

I live in the UK but my SI is too strong to use a gas method. It's so strong that any method that has any way to "get out of it" won't work. Even hanging.

 

[Nolongerlive]

You are not alone, Go and check the number of forumers here , many are still lingering like zombie in this world of suffering.

Maybe one day some events hhappens, you recovered.

Maybe one day something triggers you, and you are gone.