Discussion Do you think finding a lover can change your outcome?

[rotthjärta]

By outcome I mean those who are so certain with ctb. For myself I seem to, I wouldn't say occupy myself because it lessens how much the person means to me but that seems to be the only reasons I'm here, I would never share with them that. I've expressed feelings of suicide but it was once or twice this or last year I don't remember. I don't see a reason to share these thoughts as I don't want to be bothered.

Even with saying I care about them It's hard to admit it, feels wrong because "I shouldn't be here.". I was so determined to just leave everything behind and now I'm stuck here. Very human of me.

I asked this because I wonder If people are in a place where they can't even express these emotions, I wonder because It is so human to find yourself in these confusing conflicting situations. When I was younger I wanted to find someone like me just to go off together or live life without a care. I think I'm just at a different point in life, when I was younger I was so quit to attempt, it's not that I found the secret or the true meaning of life I just reached a different way of perceiving it, I simply don't care much.

I'm just rambling, now its two questions. Has anyone experienced that too?
I'm all for the simple life, I don't really care to do much I just want a small life to myself and avoid all contact with anyone, I mean I don't have friends or anything just my partner. I don't mean that I don't care about them, see its confusing if you say you would stay with someone no matter what because you don't have high standards or ask for too much it sort of can be a back-handed "compliment". Blah blah.

 

[tomame]

yes.

 

[madeincruddy]

I think so, yeah. At the very least, I'd listen if somebody I loved personally asked me to stay, and I think I'd be able to for whatever the duration of our relationship might be

 

[interna]

no, everyone lies

 

[chaoschuckler]

I would reconsider my decision for sure

 

[4colliez]

if i had the guarantee it was real and won't suddenly go to shit then yes

 

[Dejected 55]

My whole problem is having always been alone and unloved. IF I could have that in my life, someone who loved me and was there for me and I could completely trust her... it wouldn't make all the other problems go away, but I wouldn't be alone anymore and that strength would make it so much easier to tolerate the other bad shit.

 

[darksouls]

no, my time is up

 

[FoxSauce]

Probably? Dunno, I do want one Im just scared to hirt them.

 

[Macedonian1987]

Finding a girlfriend would fix my loneliness, but it wont fix my numerous health issues, so even if i find a girlfriend i would still want to ctb.

 

[extremelyugly]

I wouldn't be changed, not after all I've heard about me. I would always be thinking "there is a catch here, she will leave/cheat me" because I would be the same disgusting guy they all think I am, so why would someone magically be interested in me? Doesn't add up. So no.

 

[violetforever]

no lol

 

[DashofPepper]

honestly i dont feel mentally healthy enough to be in a relationship with someone. like its just going to be miserable for them and i wouldnt like to submit anyone to that. i also dont think i could accept the idea of a person caring about me on that sort of level.

 

[Lamentice]

No, I don't believe I am capable of meaningful connection and certainly not love. I hang out with people still, do activities, make plans, have friends... I don't like people though, and I don't like anyone in my life much, I just don't.

 

[rainatthebusstop]

no. but that's mostly because romantic love disgusts me and anyone who would try is severely mentally ill and annoying to boot.

But even if I found a hypothetical ideal partner I would still go through with it. Why? said hypothetical partner deserves better than me

 

[Forever Sleep]

I could imagine that it would force me to stay here. I'm already trying to hold on till my Dad goes first. It wouldn't necessarily mean it would make me happy to stay though.

Not that it's likely to happen anyway. I'm not trying to attract someone. I don't even want to now. My concern though would be- that I'd continue to feel more or less the same- even in a relationship.

If I expressed it to them- I imagine that it would either really worry them or- they'd end up with compassion fatigue and become bored of it.

In which case- I'd feel the need to mask how I truly felt. Which I think would actually make me feel worse! Weirdly- I don't feel lonely being alone. But, if I was around someone who I couldn't be myself with- I think that would make me feel very lonely.

And so- they'd likely end up being another tether here- rather than a support. I've spent the last few years letting my few remaining tethers (in the shape of family and friends) slip loose. To form a connection with someone now would be undoing all of that.

What could also happen would be resentment towards them starting to build. Because- they wouldn't be able to help me but- because of them, I'd feel trapped here again. I think I'm far better off alone. Which in itself makes me comfortable with the situation.

 

[starboy2k]

nah. im repulsed by humanity.

 

[DonLockwood]

I don't think that its a silver bullet that could magically 'fix their depression', but I think that it *could* help. I think that I'd actually have to be in that position to truely find out. You have to be in a good mental state to make a happy relationship. I'd feel like I would just drag the relationship down with me and rather not put anyone in that position.

 

[Forveleth]

I am here thanks to the people who supposedly love me the most. Anyone new in my life who would claim to love me I would not trust. Even if they did, I am done living, and someone in my life genuinely loving me is not going to change the fact that I do not want to continue to exist.

 

[dhk96]

No. I hate myself and my existence to the point that I am very uncomfortable with to nearly repulsed by the idea of someone loving me or of being in a relationship.

People deserve someone better.
Heck, even I deserve better than me (but not really?). My disgusting body shouldn't have to store my worthless brain in it, and my worthless brain shouldn't have to rot in this disgusting body

Loneliness is painful but I was never bound to life because of a desire for connection or because of loved ones so having a partner wouldn't change anything except add onto the guilt. My shackles can be reduced to crybaby levels of pain intolerance, hatred/fear of change, and the intrusive thoughts of losing the consciousness I hate so much being a scary thing.

 

[dreamofnofuture]

Personally, no. I really don't think it would. If I'm suicidal, I'm suicidal. No one can alleviate that from myself. Only I really can, and even then that would be temporary.

I don't think anyone should enter a relationship thinking this way, because no lover should feel that pressure of "Oh, I'm the only reason this person is holding on." If they were a reason, that's different. But if they're the main/only reason, I think that's pretty fucked up. Because that means you likely went into the relationship hoping they'd give you reason to live, and when they inevitably don't give you a direct reason to live and you end your life, they're gonna be hurt for life.

Everyone should find reasons to live, not people to live for, if that makes sense. Intrinsic motivation over extrinsic motivation. Even if it's just a hobby or a show or something you've always wanted to try. One should never depend on a person for happiness, sense of self, purpose, etc.

What do I know though? I'm moderately aro-ace, but do have a good bit of interest in what it would be like to be in a relationship. I just haven't found the right person to try that out with. So many people are brainwashed by societal expectations, or are plain repulsive (physically or personally) to me.​

honestly i dont feel mentally healthy enough to be in a relationship with someone. like its just going to be miserable for them and i wouldnt like to submit anyone to that. i also dont think i could accept the idea of a person caring about me on that sort of level.

This is very considerate. Not sure how true it would be, but it's still quite thoughtful and honest.

It kinda feels like a lot of people on here cling to the idea of a relationship. I guess, in a distant way I can understand why, but relationships are one form of love. Why put this one on a pedestal? And relationships can be just as empty as friendships, if not more.

Also, relationships are work. They aren't all just unconditional love and [I don't know what else they think, so just insert what else they believe relationships entail in these brackets]. Especially nowadays, people can't really afford to put in the bare minimum with friendships. They want relationships without commitment, aka a situationship. Or maybe they just don't wanna put in the work, they don't see who they're with as worth the amount of effort.

Very few people in reality are mentally healthy enough to be in relationships, suicidality aside. Everyone should become the lover they'd want (within what is possible, ofc).​

 

[buriedinmyhead]

I'd like to think so, but it probably wouldn't. I struggle so much with opening up to anyone, that I don't know if I even should get into a relationship, because I'd never be able to share enough. That doesn't mean I don't crave romantic love, but I doubt it would save me (hence my bio lol)

 

[PainThreshold]

No, BPD will make sure I come to hate it one way or another.

 

[star.trip]

No. In my opinion, I don't think I've ever been okay in my whole life. Even though I'm smart (sorry to say so), I haven't been able to face life head-on. If someone were to fall in love with me, it would be a disaster because they'd end up suffering a lot. I don't want anyone to suffer because of all my traumas.

 

[yxmux]

it'd make me wanna die more tbh

 

[froggirl9000]

probably not, ultimately my life is too fucked for it to. i would rather experience love in this life before checking out, but i dont think itd change my life. itd just be nice to have experienced it once.

 

[Pluto]

 

[iguazo falls]

By outcome I mean those who are so certain with ctb. For myself I seem to, I wouldn't say occupy myself because it lessens how much the person means to me but that seems to be the only reasons I'm here, I would never share with them that. I've expressed feelings of suicide but it was once or twice this or last year I don't remember. I don't see a reason to share these thoughts as I don't want to be bothered.

Even with saying I care about them It's hard to admit it, feels wrong because "I shouldn't be here.". I was so determined to just leave everything behind and now I'm stuck here. Very human of me.

I asked this because I wonder If people are in a place where they can't even express these emotions, I wonder because It is so human to find yourself in these confusing conflicting situations. When I was younger I wanted to find someone like me just to go off together or live life without a care. I think I'm just at a different point in life, when I was younger I was so quit to attempt, it's not that I found the secret or the true meaning of life I just reached a different way of perceiving it, I simply don't care much.

I'm just rambling, now its two questions. Has anyone experienced that too?
I'm all for the simple life, I don't really care to do much I just want a small life to myself and avoid all contact with anyone, I mean I don't have friends or anything just my partner. I don't mean that I don't care about them, see its confusing if you say you would stay with someone no matter what because you don't have high standards or ask for too much it sort of can be a back-handed "compliment". Blah blah.

i am pretty privileged to say i have found a partner recently. to be honest while i deeply love them, i still feel suicidal due to the same things that i have always been suicidal about. the only thing that has been stopping me is i know they can't complete their uni course if i go too soon. i want to have enough money saved up so clean up isn't billed to them or my parents. this is why i'm pissed the govt is trying to make it hard for me to die peacefully and without too much mess. i am similar that while they help me immensely with dealing with things, i don't really want to share that with my partner or make them feel responsible for keeping me alive. sometimes i get impulsive thoughts and feelings to break up so i can be alone and ctb.

that said having a partner makes me feel less alone but also i know i will die alone. i hope if i don't manage to make it they would understand why. i think i am just grateful to have the honour and opportunity to be in a relationship with a kind person i love though.

 

[Bitch With An Apple]

Yeah but it would have to be a better fit than previous ones. Don't want a repeat of that at all. The feelings and intrusive thoughts would probably still be there but it would be easier to fight back.

I have a ton of work I'd have to do (and am not really doing) to be ready for a relationship though. Doesn't seem likely.