Venting you’d genuinely have to be so dense to do this to someone else.

[faraway_sayu]

sorry if this is not the right place for this discussion, i know antinatalism and other philosophical topics are sometimes discussed in the "off topic" section but the way i feel is so closely tied to my urge to ctb that i'm posting it here.

i don't always feel like killing myself. sometimes, for very short periods of time, i get distracted and stop thinking about it. sometimes i have the energy and the will to do things in an attempt to "better myself", but no matter what i do i always end up back in the same place; wanting this shit to be over. i am so tired. i am so tired of trying, so tired of working, so tired of pretending like life is not a prison. i truly do feel trapped with no escape, because we all know that trying to ctb doesn't always work.

i often look at my parents and wonder if they're completely fucking stupid. they weren't even all that young when they had me. collectively, they had almost 60 years of life experience between them and they still though "yep, let's bring someone else into this shit ". they experienced abuse, physical and mental illness, poverty, unemployment, employment, betrayal, religious trauma, family problems, the list goes on and on… and they still fucking brought me here. hilariously the didn't even want me im the first place. i genuinely cannot comprehend this… anyone who procreates (especially for those of us who are free and educated. like in this day and age? really?) is a complete DUNCE. you have to be either stupid or selfish. what other excuse is there?

i don't want to have to risk becoming disabled or disfigured, becoming a vegetable, or subjecting myself to more chronic pain and mental anguish just because i need to get out. i shouldn't have to do this to myself, none of us should. i'm already "lucky" to have scraped by in previous attempts with no permanent damage. if i was truly lucky i'd just die, or better yet never have been subjected to this fucking miserable existence I NEVER EVEN WANTED IN THE FIRST PLACE. god i just need it to be over. no matter what i do it's all the same.

 

[MarketValueadded]

sorry if this is not the right place for this discussion, i know antinatalism and other philosophical topics are sometimes discussed in the "off topic" section but the way i feel is so closely tied to my urge to ctb that i'm posting it here.

i don't always feel like killing myself. sometimes, for very short periods of time, i get distracted and stop thinking about it. sometimes i have the energy and the will to do things in an attempt to "better myself", but no matter what i do i always end up back in the same place; wanting this shit to be over. i am so tired. i am so tired of trying, so tired of working, so tired of pretending like life is not a prison. i truly do feel trapped with no escape, because we all know that trying to ctb doesn't always work.

i often look at my parents and wonder if they're completely fucking stupid. they weren't even all that young when they had me. collectively, they had almost 60 years of life experience between them and they still though "yep, let's bring someone else into this shit ". they experienced abuse, physical and mental illness, poverty, unemployment, employment, betrayal, religious trauma, family problems, the list goes on and on… and they still fucking brought me here. hilariously the didn't even want me im the first place. i genuinely cannot comprehend this… anyone who procreates (especially for those of us who are free and educated. like in this day and age? really?) is a complete DUNCE. you have to be either stupid or selfish. what other excuse is there?

i don't want to have to risk becoming disabled or disfigured, becoming a vegetable, or subjecting myself to more chronic pain and mental anguish just because i need to get out. i shouldn't have to do this to myself, none of us should. i'm already "lucky" to have scraped by in previous attempts with no permanent damage. if i was truly lucky i'd just die, or better yet never have been subjected to this fucking miserable existence I NEVER EVEN WANTED IN THE FIRST PLACE. god i just need it to be over. no matter what i do it's all the same.

We had the internet growing up, and that exposed us to a lot of different niche ideas and concepts that your parents just never even taught about. I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have the internet, I would've never known about antinatalism. Your parents mostly just got their ideas from the people around them, and having kids is the most popular one.

 

[faraway_sayu]

We had the internet growing up, and that exposed us to a lot of different niche ideas and concepts that your parents just never even taught about. I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have the internet, I would've never known about antinatalism. Your parents mostly just got their ideas from the people around them, and having kids is the most popular one.

i understand the point you're making, but you don't necessarily need to identity with antinatalism or even know the term to determine that life is a pointless misery. i have always felt this way, long before i discovered antinatalism as a philosophy. when i was a child i didn't actually realise that there were other people who thought like me.

how anyone can experience life and find it morally permissible to force it onto somebody else is beyond me. not growing up with the internet is only so much of an excuse. some people are just stupid or selfish. plus, i'm not that old. the internet existed for a while before i was born. of course, not even remotely in the same way it does today, but it was not impossible to learn about or participate in discussions about philosophy. yes, my parents just did what everyone else was doing, but that's not really an excuse imo.

 

[violetforever]

i often look at my parents and wonder if they're completely fucking stupid. they weren't even all that young when they had me. collectively, they had almost 60 years of life experience between them and they still though "yep, let's bring someone else into this shit ". they experienced abuse, physical and mental illness, poverty, unemployment, employment, betrayal, religious trauma, family problems, the list goes on and on… and they still fucking brought me here. hilariously the didn't even want me im the first place. i genuinely cannot comprehend this… anyone who procreates (especially for those of us who are free and educated. like in this day and age? really?) is a complete DUNCE. you have to be either stupid or selfish. what other excuse is there?

this sounds exactly like how i feel about my parents/family. they experienced everything you listed. all i ever hear about our family is the abuse thats gone on for generations. why did anyone in this family have children and continue the cycle over and over again? im around the same age my parents were when they had me and i cant help but think of them as stupid and selfish for it. i would feel better to know if i was a mistake than intentional. my parents really just had children to neglect them. its the cruelest thing i can think of.

 

[Spite]

Seems like we're in the same boat. I'm stuck in this constant loop of hoping my life can turn around, and whenever things start to look up for me, I am almost immediately shot down and I'm taken back to square one - back into the pit of hopelessness. I just made a post a few days ago on a night where I felt a very rare glimmer of hope for my future (see here), and it's only been three days since I wrote that and I tried to promise to myself that I will try to have a more positive outlook on life, and already I've had two awful days putting up with absolute bullshit at my job and now I've just come down with an illness and I may potentially have a chest infection. Fan-fucking-tastic. At this point I'm almost tempted to not seek treatment and let the chest infection kill me.

I think about my parents a lot too, about why I'm even alive, what the point of all this is... my parents didn't even like each other and they STILL decided to have a child together, only to end up separating when I was a toddler. I was born to a teenage mum and a father who was creepily older and abusive to her and treated her like shit. I feel sorry for my mum and I do love her and she's tried her best to raise me well, but I hate my father with a burning passion. He was a horrible person through-and-through, abused me when I was little and he ended up disowning me anyways. What a worthless prick. Thinking about my parents overall does make me question if it was really was better for me to have never been born at all.

I don't always feel like CTBing and I keep holding on to that tiny inkling of hope, but a lot of the time the desire to just... fall asleep and never wake up again is as strong as ever. I'm so done with this shit.

 

[Chocomel]

Both your post and Spite message really resonate with me. Sure I don't always feels like killing myself and I also try to better from time to time, but I jsut never truly escaped this horrible feeling, it will always going up to the surface again for me to experience.

I am an antinatalist, I learnt about it years ago and I still hold it proud in my mind to never bring another miserable soul to this wretched world. However, I don't hate my parents. I don't think they're stupid or idiot for even thinking "Yeah lets have a kids in this fucked up place". I believe that at the time they procreate, the have hopeful future for themselves, because well it needs both of them to be consenting to even be done. What I despise is, my father, looks like he lose that hope and just going insane. Because as soon as my mum get pregnant, he did absolutely any possible shit to make my mum live a living hell, including me. Now I don't want to go into detail. But my, you can say motivation, for staying true to be antinatalist is to despise my father.

 

[plantlife]

I feel you.

Six months ago my brother and his wife visited and announced they were having a baby. As soon as they left I called a clinic and booked a vasectomy. I've been antinatalist all my life, but finding out my family intends to continue the bloodline suddenly made my existential despair more imminent. Most of my sexual partners don't even have uteruses but a 0.001% risk of accidental pregnancy would still be too much. Scalpel to my balls wasn't much fun but the sheer relief of knowing I'm infertile was worth the pain.

Fuck procreation from the absolute bottom of my heart. Nobody who truly loves their child would inflict life on them.

 

[Mooseanonsky]

I resent my parents for having me. I've inherited their shitty mental illnesses and everything. It's never worth having kids imo. The world is a terrible place and it's only getting worse.

My sister has THREE kids and she's currently unemployed. Can't keep a job, can barely afford to pay rent, the kids live in a godawful, abusive environment, filthy home. It's depressing. This is the same person who judged me for getting a salpingectomy years ago because I didn't want to ever be in her situation.

It's so incredibly selfish to have kids, especially if you struggle with mental health and you're broke asf. Like why bring an innocent soul into that?? I wish my mom aborted me. I know that's fucked up to say, but I'm serious.

 

[fishperson]

I adore this post so much. It feels like i wrote it lmao.
U know what gets under my skin more , my older sister that traumatized me when i was young. Had a child last year. The disgust in my heart cant explain how shitty it feels.
But the crazier thing , is she was PLANNING HER DIVORCE WHILE PREGNANT. Because she had a minor fight with her husband.
They r still together but this wont last they will divorce soonish.
This girl is as mentally ill as Im and decided that having a kid was a good idea just because she is bored and wants to feel like a mother.
Itq so disgusting everything. I hate it so much. I need to die now.