Venting Why the fuck am I still here?

[abstractcat7]

Why the fuck am I still here? I'm sick of it, I'm pissed with myself, I feel anhedonia. I want to die, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it. There is no future, the world is fucked, my life is stressing me the fuck out and I'm legitimately alone in the world. I don't even have anyone close enough to fucking talk to. I'm fucking dying inside my body and mind but unfortunately not actually dying. Holy shit. What the fuck am I going to do?? I'm trying to get through some shit right now that will hopefully mean things improve slightly in general in my life, but I'm losing it. I'm not okay, I'm really unwell and unstable. I had some really strong urges to off myself just a few minutes ago. It would be so quick and easy. Oh man I need fucking help. I'm going to freak out, I've been feeling it building and building. Shit has been extra erratic and stressful recently, and it's making me feel worked up and freaked out in ways I haven't felt this intensely in a while. I need to shut down, I need to rest, but those aren't even remotely options and it makes me strongly consider just ending it. Cut my losses and run away from the pain that is existing. I'm so frustrated, tired, angry, full of despair, and terrified of my future and the future of the world. This world is utterly evil. I just want to be fucking happy.

 

[Sedfrg]

Everything will be okay.

 

[abstractcat7]

Everything will be okay.

It really won't be, especially if my mental illness has anything to say about it.

 

[Bishop]

Many people are ready to die. But being able to do it is different. Such is the nature of survival instinct.

 

[Sedfrg]

Цього справді не буде, особливо якщо моя психічна хвороба має до цього якесь відношення.

У таких випадках часто є альтернативні варіанти, які принаймні варто спробувати.