Venting why do i still miss him?

[Yume Nikki]

ive done pretty much everything. engaging in hobbies, doing art, talking to people etc. yet i feel like im not getting better, my ex still lingers at the back of my head 5 months later. i know it could probably be because of the group issues with scheduling but everything is just stressing me out. i just want to move on. i want to be happy again. and every now and then i still mourn the relationship i lost, knowing that my future will never be the same without him, how we will never go to greece together like he promised...

can something good happen in my life for once...? even if it's just one small thing?

please let me be happy

 

[timf]

If you demonstrate the qualities with others that you would like to see in someone else (kindness, humor, thoughtfulness, compassion) you might increase the chances of attracting someone similar. You may find that your feelings of loss diminish. This in itself can be beneficial.

 

[RushedJudgement]

As someone mourning a partner for over a year now, I think I might be able to say something regarding your situation.

The pain will probably not stop quickly, that's an unfortunate fact. They've been a part of your life, and that's a very deep connection, one that inevitably leaves emotional scars as it is severed. Everything will feel bland, lifeless, sometimes, and at other times you may feel a little better and ask yourself why you do, given that he's still gone. All of those feelings are valid, and whatever you're experiencing is valid. Don't ever feel bad for being hung up on him, or missing him, or feeling bad for what is lost. All of those feelings are not wrong, and you deserve to approach this in the way that you feel comfortable with.

For me, it has been helping to slowly approach the pain that sits within me about it, instead of trying to avoid it what I've been doing before. I don't know whether that's something that happened for you, but I may as well offer that as a possible solution to try. On the other hand, a therapy where you talk about the relationship with a professional might help. They are trained to properly approach and listen to your situation, perhaps even guiding you a little.

Ultimately, I wish you all the best! I know this pain is a terrible thing, an awful thing, and it is my hope that you'll manage to work with it.

 

[twilightSparriw]

If you demonstrate the qualities with others that you would like to see in someone else (kindness, humor, thoughtfulness, compassion) you might increase the chances of attracting someone similar. You may find that your feelings of loss diminish. This in itself can be beneficial.

Beautiful reply!

 

[devils~advocate]

I'd agree with others saying, if you think you need it, that getting therapy might help.
Don't do what I did. I was married for 5 yrs (together 2 yrs prior) and it ended because my spouse found someone else.
There were signs beforehand, but they left abruptly for this other person. It was devastating to me...I wanted to ctb then.
I did go to therapy but I just couldnt seem to let it all go. I thought about it all the time.
It took me about 3 years to think better. That was 21 years ago.
Find fun in your life, make new friends, get a lot of hobbies, force yourself to do new things. take a class, etc etc
Do anything that will take up your mental energy.

Don't do like I did...letting it be something you think about all the time
This experience left a mental scar in my mind that I will never recover.
Its one of the reasons for my own ctb now.

 

[ElTopo]

ive done pretty much everything. engaging in hobbies, doing art, talking to people etc. yet i feel like im not getting better, my ex still lingers at the back of my head 5 months later. i know it could probably be because of the group issues with scheduling but everything is just stressing me out. i just want to move on. i want to be happy again. and every now and then i still mourn the relationship i lost, knowing that my future will never be the same without him, how we will never go to greece together like he promised...

can something good happen in my life for once...? even if it's just one small thing?

please let me be happy

5 months isn't long, give it sometime and don't force yourself to feel good, if you do all these things just to work out the feeling it's a good coping mechanism but don't hold yourself from just embracing it from time to time

 

[cme-dme]

There are many people who may tell you that you should get over breakups quickly but that is just not true. Breakups cause long emotional damage no matter how much people would like to pretend they don't. It took me I'd say a year to mostly get over my ex. 3.5 years later and while I don't miss her anymore, there is still lasting emotional damage from it. I remember thinking I was supposed to get over breakups quickly from things I saw online and in real life which caused more damage because I thought something was wrong with me. It's important to set your expectations right in situations like these. I hope you can move on soon though...

 

[IFrequentSaSu]

Unrelated to the post but I love your name I played Yume Nikki and I loved it very fun to play while high.

 

[wantingdignity]

I feel the same way. My partner of 8 years dumped me because I was suicidal. I was actually getting better when he did it. I immediately starting acting more suicidal and went inpatient because of it. I'm still suicidal now, but am trying other programs.

I miss him so much it hurts. I feel so betrayed that he saw me wanting to die and decided he didn't want me. I kept telling me that he loved me up until he ended it.

I still love him and can't believe that he would leave me because of this. It really makes me feel worthless. Normally, when someone almost dies, people show extra care and love. He made everything so much worse. My entire body is craving him. He honestly was a little bit abusive at times, but I forgave each instance.

I want him back so badly. It's almost a month ago now. I really don't want to live. He might be an asshole, but that means 8 years of my life came to this. I am still deeply in love with him and am so scared. He's the only one I want to talk to.

 

[usernamesarehard]

Getting over an ex can be hard and take a long time. I don't think I'm completely over my ex, but I'm in a better place now. At least for right now.

This chatgpt reresponse really helped me, weirdly enough

Let's lay out what's happening here as honestly and gently as possible:

He's sending mixed signals
• He says he loves you — but he won't come back.
• He wants to keep you close emotionally — but not as a partner.
• He wants you to be "okay" — but also isn't offering the one thing (the relationship) you really want from him.
This is confusing, but from the outside, it looks like:
• He probably does still care about you.
• He probably doesn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore.
• And, consciously or not, he's keeping a version of the emotional connection alive — while protecting his freedom to move on.

I also think acknowledging that he left me helped a lot. I'm more angry that he left than sad. He claims he loves me, but cares more about doing what he wants, when he wants than he does me.

Idk if this will help. But if it doesn't you have every right to still be sad about the break up. He was a part of your life and probably an important part. It's ok that you're not over it 5min after it happened. A lot of people online, especially women, like to act like being sad about a break up, especially for a long period of time, is wrong. But it's not. I think a lot of people online act like they care less than they actually do because it's 'weak'. And everyone has to be a strong, independent, loner who doesn't need anything or anyone.