Which thought hits you the hardest

[itsgone2]

Which thought hits you the hardest?

 

[Pale_Rider]

It's more what emotions. what adrenaline . what anxiety.

 

[astroproto]

I guess it's the fact I don't have the capacity to change. I'm a fucking screw-up and to think I'll still be like this for years to come, just like years before, is fucking depressing.

But it's also the slight variations and combination of the options. To say I ruined everything feels egotistical, but I do know I ruined a lot of things. They're better off without me is probably the least affective of them all for me but I know at this point, I'll be a money drain. I'm tired but don't like to refer to it as a fight. It just feels like I'm being dragged through the mud. Everything is pointless, but only relatively for me, not as an absolute truth.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

I voted for number one, things do change though, they get worse. I guess in terms of my personal life nothing ever changes there. No girlfriend yesterday, none today and none tomorrow.

 

[Nightfoot]

The fear that nothing will change before I decide I can't fight it anymore. Treatment resistant depression is a bitch, especially when it keeps coming back and worse and longer each time.

 

[Terrible_Life]

The fact that this shit show was my life. A tragedy. A sad , empty life. I had dreams I wanted to have a beautiful life but none of my wishes ever came true. And the reasons for that were my circumstances which I could never choose.

 

[xXiloveyouXx]

Everything is pointless and also won't ever change. If everything is pointless then your actions don't matter either and if they don't matter, how can they affect the world around you? If you aren't impacting your surroundings then you don't exist. Everything crumbles with this line of reasoning. Truth, love, meaning, time, mortality.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me it's the fact that I'm trapped in this dreadful, torturous existence with no way to just peacefully cease existing and never suffer again, I always suffer so much from being trapped in this deeply undesirable, torturous existence I just always saw as a mistake as all I want is to be gone, I just hope and wish for the peace of non-existence, I'll always see it as the most horrific world where suicide is seen as a crime with painless death denied as non-existence is just all that's positive for me and I wish I never suffered more than anything, all I want is some peace.

 

[VoidButterfly]

Rather than nothing will ever change, it's that everything will continue to get worse.

 

[AstralMadness]

I'm so tired of it all I can't handle it anymore every little thing sets me off so easily and I have nobody to help me with anything, ever

 

[Clearness]

Nothing matters…

 

[rozeske]

When I'm gone that I'll be frozen in time and my younger siblings will one day become my older siblings. It's odd to think about and kinda sad but I imagine it will be harder on them.

 

[kopebaldy]

It's many things.

I'm... not right, my mind isn't right. I'm incompetent, can't do anything right.

Because of that, I squandered every chances, wasted every resources given to me.

Because of that, people are better off without me in their lives.

I said many things I can't take back, I did many thing that can't be fixed.

Even without all of those, existence is tiring and suffocating and it only gets worse the older I get.

I'm tired.

Yeah that's the reason.

I'm fucking exhausted.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Everything is wrong/pointless. I don't care, I'm beyond exhausted, there's nothing in the future but death and it's taking me forever to get there.

 

[Sweet Tart]

The fear that nothing will change before I decide I can't fight it anymore. Treatment resistant depression is a bitch, especially when it keeps coming back and worse and longer each time.

Treatment resistant depression is what I'm dealing with, too. I don't see a future for myself anymore. Everything I had or dreamed of is gone. I am no longer the person I was when I could do things. But my family can't accept this, & is trying to force me to recover. Even tho I'm always depressed & hopeless, I only get really close to ctb when they start pressuring me to get better. Like I'm choosing to be depressed and not have a life. To be in their shitty house, respecting their shitty rules.

 

[LigottiIsRight]

The load of unwanted crap and the pointlessness of it all is what causes me to spiral down. I'm here, I've had to deal with all the bad stuff (psychological issues, obligations, bullying in school times...) because two people wanted to have a second kid. That's all. We all deal with the vast catalogue of bullshit that life has to offer as a consequence of some others' decision, and we're not allowed of a premature exit on our own terms.

 

[UserFromNowhere]

Even if the depression lifts tomorrow and I find myself able to function again, will I be back in this state of mind next week? Next month? A year from now? If you were on a ship in the ocean and got told you would die when you reach your destination, is it better to keep going, fighting the currents and the storms, or sink when both possibilities offer the same end? What if the storm never ceases and you're just stuck trying to cling on?

 

[xXiloveyouXx]

When I'm gone that I'll be frozen in time and my younger siblings will one day become my older siblings. It's odd to think about and kinda sad but I imagine it will be harder on them.

this is so brutal that i cant bear to think about it

 

[Forveleth]

For me, the thought is "I would not be here if I had made one life decision differently". I would have avoided so much misery.