What is your list of reasons for committing suicide?

[SomewhereAlongThe]

Go all out!

1. I can't fit in with my peers, I'm out of place, awkward and not funny enough
2. I have next to no friends
3. Nobody around me really likes me
4. I don't like my only friend
5. I only talk to him because without his company I feel dead inside
6. My neighbours ignore me and dislike me
7. I get paid 0 attention in society
8. I am flat footed and can hardly walk properly on the sidewalk
9. I am pretty sure I have a coordination disability
10. I have autism
11. I have Bipolar
12. I have a learning disability
13. My roommate couldn't care less about me and is rude sometimes
14. The game I play online has people randomly insulting me or telling me I'm useless
15. I suck at playing games
16. I'm not very intelligent at all, next to dumb actually
17. I can't pursue my passions because I lack ability to develop myself
18. Feeling sensitive to noise in certain environments where it's impossible to change
19. My stepfather doesn't care about me
20. My mother doesn't care about me
21. My father abandoned me
22. When I was a young teen I was taken advantage of sexually
23. staff at my current home told me that was my fault because I said yes, the man was 28 I was 14.
24. staff neglecting me and it being hard to carry a conversation with them
25. Being unable to group chat on this site because of social anxiety
26. Being treated like shit as a kid, and neglected constantly
27. Bullied like crazy as a child in school
28. My mother calling me "stupid" the last time we talked
29. People who are rude to me in society, for no reason
30. The man I thought I loved, broke my heart and left me.

 

[Spite]

* I will be a wageslave stuck working dead-end jobs for the rest of my life
* I'm autistic and can hardly relate to anyone
* I have no friends
* Relentless lifelong bullying and ostracisation from my peers
* I have been exiled from society
* My father and my entire paternal family disowned me
* I will never be a woman

 

[JealousOfTheElderly]

The pain i feel in my soul outweighs the chronic pain from my medical condition. I also finished doing what I was meant to do in this lifetime and it's time to go.
Just have to get to the store and buy what I need to facilitate that... or get cancer and die that way. I've already decided I refuse chemo or any treatment.

 

[Liebestod]

My personal 100 reasons to ctb

In my last post I talked about how I had posted a list of 100 reasons why I would ctb on the suicidewatch subreddit and a member wanted me to post it on here so here it is. Bare in mind some of them are a bit repetitive and I made this list about a year ago. I hate living I hate my life I hate...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[gorewhoree]

I'm all out of people who give a shit about me/want me (loneliness)
My family doesn't like me but there is nowhere else for me to go
I can't handle interacting with other people irl
I can't pass as trans
I missed out on a lot of shit when I was younger and never really had a childhood
I got SA'd by an older teen when I was 10 or so
I'm autistic
I'll never be able to persue my dreams
I'm not good enough for anyone
My voice sounds terrible and is a reminder of who I am (I hate myself)

Think that just about covers it.

 

[flip_bug]

My complete inability to live a normal life, buckle under pressure, I believe I have structural damage to my brain from exposure to emotional abuse that has caused me to have tics when stressed.
I have a scar on my face which has plummeted my self esteem & I do not have enough income for surgery.
I never developed secondary sexual characteristics due to a lack of progesterone during puberty. I am grossly overweight with underdeveloped breasts, no hips, a scar on my face, it is too much.
My oral health is declining and I have many cavities that will just get worse & I will need dentures.
My mother died when I was a teenager and I have no family. I have burned all bridges with friends to motivate me to finally take the plunge and cbt with confidence

 

[itsgone2]

Just failed at everything. My biggest failure I'm not wanting to disclose but it just consumes me and continues to play out in real time.
I spent a decade just so angry and evil. I'm better now and it feels too late. Plus I'm older and tired and just want this all to pass away from me.

 

[WakingNightmare]

Here is the full list:
- There are 0 activities in this world that I would gain fulfilment from

 

[Off_Switch]

1. Tired of the rat race.
2. Tired of how much maintenance it takes to survive.
3. The older I get, the more I have to accept that I will never be anybody - while watching others live wonderful lives.
4. AuDHD, bi-polar depression, OCD, anxiety disorder and anhedonia.
5. Hate society. Latest example was today. I was driving on the freeway and some subhuman MAGA lowlife in a lifted pickup truck towing a boat rolled down his window and threw an empty gatorade bottle that ended up hitting the bottom of my front bumper.

 

[divinemistress36]

1. Brain injury 2. Treatment resistant depression 3. Ptsd 4. I hate all the suffering here 5. I see no point in anything

 

[attheend13]

1. I have failed at every single thing I've ever tried
2. I am a literal burden to everyone around me
3. I have stopped believing there's a way out
4. I feel so much pain I can't fake it anymore
5. I'm an embarrassment to my family
6. No one can stand my company
7. There is no more avenues to explore I tried and I truly threw myself into my goals and life and I still failed
8. Im a drain on those around me
9. There's no chance I will be able to change it's too late
10. I am ashamed of my life and I can't change it no matter what I do
11. I want my kids to have a good life and as long as I'm here they won't
12. I am literally a person who has a accomplished nothing and has become nothin
13 I'm a waste of space and breath and energy and do not bring anything positive to the world
14. I don't want to be here anymore and watch it devolve into less
15 no one likes me or can stand my company
16. Because im me.

 

[secretariat]

My complete inability to live a normal life, buckle under pressure, I believe I have structural damage to my brain from exposure to emotional abuse that has caused me to have tics when stressed.
I have a scar on my face which has plummeted my self esteem & I do not have enough income for surgery.
I never developed secondary sexual characteristics due to a lack of progesterone during puberty. I am grossly overweight with underdeveloped breasts, no hips, a scar on my face, it is too much.
My oral health is declining and I have many cavities that will just get worse & I will need dentures.
My mother died when I was a teenager and I have no family. I have burned all bridges with friends to motivate me to finally take the plunge and cbt with confidence

thought i was the only one with crazy oral health issues. def a driving reason for wanting to ctb

 

[cubibibibism]

Go all out!

1. I can't fit in with my peers, I'm out of place, awkward and not funny enough
2. I have next to no friends
3. Nobody around me really likes me
4. I don't like my only friend
5. I only talk to him because without his company I feel dead inside
6. My neighbours ignore me and dislike me
7. I get paid 0 attention in society
8. I am flat footed and can hardly walk properly on the sidewalk
9. I am pretty sure I have a coordination disability
10. I have autism
11. I have Bipolar
12. I have a learning disability
13. My roommate couldn't care less about me and is rude sometimes
14. The game I play online has people randomly insulting me or telling me I'm useless
15. I suck at playing games
16. I'm not very intelligent at all, next to dumb actually
17. I can't pursue my passions because I lack ability to develop myself
18. Feeling sensitive to noise in certain environments where it's impossible to change
19. My stepfather doesn't care about me
20. My mother doesn't care about me
21. My father abandoned me
22. When I was a young teen I was taken advantage of sexually
23. staff at my current home told me that was my fault because I said yes, the man was 28 I was 14.
24. staff neglecting me and it being hard to carry a conversation with them
25. Being unable to group chat on this site because of social anxiety
26. Being treated like shit as a kid, and neglected constantly
27. Bullied like crazy as a child in school
28. My mother calling me "stupid" the last time we talked
29. People who are rude to me in society, for no reason
30. The man I thought I loved, broke my heart and left me.

1. Every single day is torturous.
2. Failing miserably at being an adult.
3. Living a mundane life as a wage slave.
4. Watching others be better than me.
5. Intense body image issues.
6. Gender dysphoria.
7. ADHD, autism, and anxiety.
8. I'm lazy and hate effort.
9. I hate maintaining my appearance.
10. I hate my job.
11. My friends are all better than me.
12. To spite people who spout bullshit like "suicide is selfish and horrible".
13. I don't see myself ever being happy with a full-time job. I have no passion and no exciting career path.
14. I don't want to end up married to a man with 2 kids and a white picket fence. I don't know if this one makes sense but yeah.
15. Adding onto that, I don't want kids anyway, so it won't make a difference
16. I can't lose weight.
17. I'll never be as pretty as other girls. (Sorry if some are repetitive).
18. I can't properly love someone romantically, I'm a pain.
19. I don't care how my friends are affected. That sounds harsh but I can't bring myself to care. I'm so miserable.
20. I'm sure I can numb myself to the thoughts of what will happen to my family and boyfriend.
21. I've had 2 boyfriends (I have one right now), both of which have desired things that I can't provide them. In other words, I'm asexual, and that has left them disappointed and me feeling worthless.
22. Studying is a total pain and I hate the thought of having to go through high school hell once more. Fuck exams. Fuck studying. They just made me want to die in high school, and they still do now.
23. I'll never amount to anything.
24. I've abandoned almost every hobby I've ever picked up and have no real skills.
25. As much as the natural world is beautiful, this isn't a reason for me to keep living, and I can bear to leave it behind.
26. I'll never have enough money to not be in mild but frustrating financial distress.
27. I can stand the thought of leaving my favourite series and games behind.
28. I don't ever want to be old and decaying.
29. Food doesn't give me pleasure.
30. I can't fix my sleeping habits, and want to stay up all night and sleep in all day.
31. My parents being disappointed in me.
32. Access to SN seems easy enough, and it isn't illegal. The last thing I'd want to do is get in legal trouble
33. I don't want to die of disease.
34. Again, I hate everything to do with being an adult. Taxes, driving, working, relationships. I hate all of it.
35. I'll never have enough money to travel to the places I used to want to go to. Also I don't care enough.
36. Humanity is doomed. I feel like exiting now would be good considering our climate situation.
37. We're on the brink of WWIII.
38. There is no god. If there was, I wouldn't have to suffer so much.
39. The afterlife is eternal sleep; I will finally be able to rest.
40. I don't care about the morals of my actions. I'm selfish and I don't even care anymore.
41. Heartbreak, pain, suffering, and grief.
42. Family dysfunction.
43. Problems with self-harm.
44. Severe burnout ever since high school.
45. I hate the idea of recovery for some reason. It makes me scared that I'll lose MY misery, my safe emotion that I've always been able to retreat to since the age of 11.
46. Again, I don't want to see my fucking friends go to law and med school. I don't want to see them have kids. I don't want to see them have weddings.
47. Anger issues.
48. I hate interacting with people.
49. I hate the way our world treats animals.
50. It should be my choice when I die.
51. I'm saving myself years upon years of suffering.
52. I fucking hate people who tell me to look on the bright side, or just otherwise spout corny FUCKING BULLSHIT.
53. I've had enough. I don't need any more experiences.
54. I've been numb to the idea of suicide for so long.
55. I've been wishing to fall ill or get hit by a car for so long. But nothing is coming to save me. Only I can save myself.
56. I CAN'T EMPHASISE ENOUGH HOW EVERYTHING IS AN EFFORT. GETTING UP, SHOWERING, DOING THE DISHES. I hate it all.
57. I don't view suicide as a sin.
58. My attention span is complete dog shit.
59. I hate social media and don't want to keep being addicted to doomscrolling and comparing myself.
60. I want to do it while I still feel numb.

Sorry if anything was incoherent or repetitive. Wow, how cathartic!

 

[discman19999]

My wife divorced me. We have ,50/50 custody. The kids hate it so

My ex will be happy she is totally free and never sees me again
I don't see a point in living anymore, I don't like to be single and have my kids only 50%
Also I never saw a motivation but to be there for me family and wife, now that changed
The kids hate it to change houses and are more fond of their mother anyway


So in the end objectively everybody will be happy. I just need to push through

 

[jenson]

The last time I was suicidal enough things came together where those feelings slowly went away. I was drowning and a lifeboat of reasons came together both through my own actions and things just working out. This time that lifeboat hasn't come. Last time there was a person I hated more than myself so that was one of a few good reasons to keep going on. Now theres only myself to hate. I feel out of place with my family, out of place with my friends, out of place at my job, out of place at the gym and out of place with people in general. Even though they deny it, I feel like people feel uncomfortable around me. Its left me feeling extremely alone. I feel miserable at work then I go home and feel miserable even more. I try to go out but feel like I dont belong and it leaves me feeling painfully awkward. I cant even remember the last time I truly enjoyed myself. I've lost interest in all of my old hobbies. I keep trying to take care of myself of ive started to wonder if theres even a point in that. I hate living like this but when I try to make things better, I just fall flat on my face. My confidence may very well be at the lowest point its ever been and im kinda just done with trying

 

[PI3.14]

I'll summarize it by saying that my realty not meeting my expectations, this include both my mental health and my life in genera.

 

[LigottiIsRight]

1. Psychological malfunction (obsessive and unproductive patterns of thought that cause negative feelings on a daily basis).
2. Chronical insomnia.
3. Lack of interest in entering the rat race. I'm out of time and excuses for delaying it.
4. Lack of projects and goals that occupy my time and attention, which leads to boredom.
5. Awareness of the futility of life on itself, and bitterness about the imbalance between its good and bad parts.
6. Disgust with the fact that considerable and continuous effort is needed to have the chance of being in a good position.
7. I couldn't give less of a fuck about human affairs and societies. Very few aspects of it interest me (and those that do are just hobby material).

1-4 are the main reasons, the rest are the background that supports the decision.

 

[Forever Sleep]

In the (paraphrased) lyrics of the late, great David Bowie:

'Life isn't worth the balance.'

I'm tired of the upkeep basically. Life is just one never ending stream of working and chores and the 'rewards' don't compensate- in my experience.

I don't like people enough to care that I'm isolated. In fact, I isolate from choice. So- while that isn't really a contributing factor to make me more suicidal, it means there isn't much reason to stay here either.

I don't want to experience a pensionless old age and likely accompanying illnesses.

 

[atlanticus0_0]

1. no friends
2. mental illness
3. bad relationship with family

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I won't list any personal reasons but I'll list general reasons any human or other animal would want to exit this hell as soon as possible. All these reasons sum on top of each other

1. Every human or other animal is under threat of extreme torture.

A few Examples could happen any day which would leave one in constant unbearable pain : brain stroke, kidney stones, attack from an animal or human, accident as in a car accident or something falling on the head causing brain damage , cancer, kidnapping torture, parasites like tapeworm others, diseases like Lyme ms etc , ataksia, pain regional syndrome, insomnia , more

2. There is no reason to risk #1 above all the threats. Life is meaningless suffering. Why do I have to live another minute? There is no objective reason

3.nothing is worth even 10 minutes if the worst constant worst pain. To me nothing is worth even 1 second of the worst pain. pleasure addictions are not worth it and only lead to the worst pain.

4. Nothing matters. What will matter in 200 years , 1000 years 1 trillion years .nothing. but I want to avoid my extreme suffering. So the only things that matter to me are me avoiding unbearable pain and getting my suicide asap.

5. Work all day a job and chores only to risk extreme torture and be a slave with no way out,

6. Old age is beyond horrible torture extreme torture. Worked in a nursing home

7 . I am a slave on many levels

8 . They made all guaranteed suicide methods into crimes

9. Pain can be a billion times worse than people realize. We all will die and soon how fast did the last year 5 years pass by. The fleeting pleasures addictions pass like a blink but a second of the worst pain can seem like a year

10. I didn't ask to be brought into this hell

11. The tech is there nembutal, sarco , hiring someone to shoot me in the head ten times etc. But they made all those guaranteed painless ways to exit this evil world into crimes

12 . The unfathomable evil of this world

13. lies , scams , oppression, injustice, unfairness
14. after Death is non-existence forever where no suffering, pain , problems, nor bad memories can exist. so eternal non-existence is the only perfection

13. I'm just a bag of 30 trillion cells same cells in other animals. And i'm just a brain that can suffer unending constant unbearable pain

14. Im just a bug. The horror is my brain , braincells connect into patterns creating a model of a self and a model of consciousness. But there is no self only braincells

i will always want my suicide asap

nothing could ever make me change my mind.

Why do i have to live another minute ? why do i have to want to live another minute?

no one can convince me there is a reason, ever. Life is meaningless suffering . nothing matters.

what that we could do this year will matter in 150 years, In 500 years? in 10,000 years ? in a billion years? nothing.

what will matter in a trillion years? whose going to care that any of use existed then ?

nothing matters to me except me avoiding unending constant unbearable pain .

there is pain and suffering so bad that it's a trillion times worse than you can imagine. so i have to risk that for what for some fleeting shit pleasure addictions like youtube, social media, media, movies etc? never .

the horror in this life is that the bait pleasures are fleeting how fast did the past 5 years pass? but a second of the worst pain can seem to last a year .

My personal 100 reasons to ctb

In my last post I talked about how I had posted a list of 100 reasons why I would ctb on the suicidewatch subreddit and a member wanted me to post it on here so here it is. Bare in mind some of them are a bit repetitive and I made this list about a year ago. I hate living I hate my life I hate...

sanctioned-suicide.net

......many more and some that I've never written here that will remain unknown only i if write a website detailing the horror of this evil prison world.

 

[dead dav]

Depression
Anxiety
Poor overall mental health
Family refusing to accept I have got mental health issues
Doing something that got me arrested being blown out of proportion
Low self esteem
Depressed about how bad the world has got
And I think my death will be helpful to the family they hate me!!

 

[Xiaojiu]

The pain i feel in my soul outweighs the chronic pain from my medical condition. I also finished doing what I was meant to do in this lifetime and it's time to go.
Just have to get to the store and buy what I need to facilitate that... or get cancer and die that way. I've already decided I refuse chemo or any treatment.

What medical condition do you have? :(

 

[pomie]

1. female
2. autistic
3. did i say female already
4. i dont dream of labor. i dont want to work. i cant do it. not because im stupid or disabled physically, i just dont want to sit in front of a pc for 9 hours when i could be making art instead.
5. painful past memories
6. home life being ass because my mother is a mentally ill narc who hates me and my father is god knows where
7. female
8. i hate being perceived in public, yet i dye my hair colorful to make people disgusted of me so they wont want to kidnap or touch me
9. i dont see the point in delaying something thats happening to everyone? the goal of life is to die at the end, whatever you do between birth and death makes no difference because everyone who remembers you will die also.
10. this world wasnt made for women. especially autistic ones
11. i feel like something horrible is going to happen to me if i dont die now

 

[ih34rty0u]

1. no friends
2. my only friend ever leaving me for his other friends who live closer to him
3. my mother hating me and wishing she never had me
4. not a single romantic interaction
5. borderline personality disorder
6. not pretty
7. anorexia and bulimia
8. i didn't get into my dream uni and i will never pursue my dream career (i wanted to be a doctor but instead i'll be just a nurse if i don't ctb)
9. my parents abusing me psychically and mentally during my childhood and teenage years
10. adhd
11. being bullied in school for being fat
12. basically the main reason is not being loved and cared for

 

[BlockHammer]

1.having a hard time to find a decent job
2.procasination and possibly adhd (the procasination cause by a lot of rejection from searching a job)
3.shame because im unable to repay my parents kindness

So far those are the reason why, honestly i didnt find another reason to keep on living, right now i'm still trying my best to improve my life and wait for something magical happened (if something like that exist) but yeah i really want to die badly

 

[FuneralCry]

For me it's because ceasing to exist is all that's positive, all I want is true permanent peace from this dreadful, torturous existence I just always saw as the most terrible tragic mistake, existence to me really is an abomination.

I wish I never suffered in this deeply undesirable existence that just causes harm and suffering more than anything, for me existence itself really is the true problem and I suffer simply from being burdened with this existence where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel just to die tortured by old age.

 

[Corovaner]

Health.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I'm strange, annoying, I never fit in, people make me uncomfortable, and I hate myself and I hate myself for hating myself. But I don't care about all that, those aren't the reasons. I am simply exhausted, empty, and have nothing to look forward to, nothing I want to do, I just don't care. I'm tired and bored. This is useless. I'm essentially already dead but this stupid body and mind just keep running.

 

[unique_user]

I did have a list of my issues but slowly all of them converged into 1 and it is that "I don't have any interest in life". All my problems can be traced back to this 1 problem. so everything else doesn't matter for me

 

[Liseli]

1. Loneliness
2. I cant fake being okay forever
3. Lack of treatment for me
4. Chances of being ostracized again fears me
5. Someone harming me just for the jokes of it
6. Never being anyone's first choice
7. Always being a floater friend
8. Honestly I don't see a better future coming
9. I don't want to work for the next 60+ years for my life for nothing.
10. No goals no ambitious in the long run
11. I know I'll never fit it, but I accepted it.
I probably have more reasons I just cant name rn