Discussion What is holding you back from CTB?

[MyShadow]

What is holding you back from moving forward with your suicide plan?

 

[2muchpain2]

mostly what I will do to those who i leave behind, I cannot seem to get past that. but also survival instinct

 

[noheart]

I failed twice which resulted in hospital stays. First was helium tank method and second was insulin overdose (not diabetic)

I cant handle another stay in the psych ward or having tubes stuck in me for days on end. I want to try again, I have SN but I just don't have the strength or bravery to try again. Soon.

 

[cowboypants]

I feel like a part of me still likes what I have in life. To put there's some room left, but the walls are closing on me slowly

 

[Freedombus'25]

Money honestly & I'm so upset about it.

In the past tho I'd say... hesitation or fear of attempting. I'm still scared but definitely more ready(?)

 

[PI3.14]

Well, I'm receiving my rope tomorrow

CTBing in less than 35 days, I hope. I don't know if SI will kick in or not but this is my current plan ig.

If I had a gun though then I would have done it already.

 

[fallingbehind]

Fear of the afterlife

 

[MyShadow]

I failed twice which resulted in hospital stays. First was helium tank method and second was insulin overdose (not diabetic)

I cant handle another stay in the psych ward or having tubes stuck in me for days on end. I want to try again, I have SN but I just don't have the strength or bravery to try again. Soon.

I've chosen the nitrogen tank method. Why do you think that your attempt with helium failed?

 

[-FrozenRobot-]

I failed twice which resulted in hospital stays. First was helium tank method and second was insulin overdose (not diabetic)

I cant handle another stay in the psych ward or having tubes stuck in me for days on end. I want to try again, I have SN but I just don't have the strength or bravery to try again. Soon.

Hey...my method of choice is Insulin OD. My attempt at partial hanging failed 4 years ago and I really hope insulin OD works. How many units did you take? Any permanent damage from that?
Why do you think it failed?

 

[ZMkxAVBQ]

SI, I guess. Even reading about the method(s) I might use freaks me out.

 

[Forveleth]

I do not make an attempt unless I am in a mental state that leaves me feeling absolutely ready to die. I have had this a few times, but my attempts were unsuccessful. So I live my life day to day until that feeling comes back around again, and I get another opportunity. I will not make an attempt unless I have that feeling.

 

[chudeatte]

I dont want anyone to deal with my body after. I dont want people to find me and I dont want my family to know im gone, which is obviously impossible. I wish I could cease to exist as if I was never here in the first place

 

[GroundControl]

Right now it's nerves about sourcing my stuff. I've never purchased anything via the route I'm going to, and I'm worried about the potential repercussions if I'm an idiot and get caught. Lmao. I think if I had it right in front of me, I'd wait until one of my worst episodes, and do it.

 

[MyShadow]

SI, I guess. Even reading about the method(s) I might use freaks me out.

SI, I guess. Even reading about the method(s) I might use freaks me out.

After spending way too much time on SanSu, reading about all of the failed attempts even after elaborate planning, they still fail. So, yeah. I get it. Getting "saved" by our own survival instinct, poor planning, wrong setup, family and law enforcement interference. All of this just overwhelming.

 

[Lady_V]

My cat. My family (knowing my mental state) has told me they won't take care of her. I believe them because she has a lot of expensive medical needs. She's very bonded with me and sleeps in my arms every night. She has bad separation anxiety. When I was hospitalized recently for only a few days, she licked off all her tummy fur, got an infection, and refused to eat. Went into debt getting her healthy again.

 

[PotentiallyWasted]

Having a hard time finding a reliable method.

 

[DoublingDown]

My kids and family. It's a double edged sword though, because I see myself as such a burden and failure. If I live, I continue to disappoint them and will inevitably raise my kids to see how worthless I am and potentially hurt their self-image because they're my kids. If I die, they can be raised hearing I was a good person without seeing what a colossal waste every breath I take is but it will put my family in further financial crisis and cause the same issues as I have while alive. There is no end to my suffering or that which I cause others either way. So right now I try to just live through the suffering, providing what help I can for my family to save up money to survive until I feel I'm no longer needed or can't bear it anymore.

 

[noheart]

I've chosen the nitrogen tank method. Why do you think that your attempt with helium failed?

My gf came home within a few minutes of turning on the tank because she forgot something. She found me passed out and called 911.
I

Hey...my method of choice is Insulin OD. My attempt at partial hanging failed 4 years ago and I really hope insulin OD works. How many units did you take? Any permanent damage from that?
Why do you think it failed?

I took almost the entire vial. Someone found me in the parking lot in my car roughly 2.5 hours later. No pain, just felt drunk.

I don't remember much but the hospital stay was awful. A week of dextrose being pumped into my veins. 100s of needles to check sugar levels. They wake u up every 10 minutes to check. Thats a needle every 10 mins and a dozen more to inject electrolytes.

 

[MyShadow]

My gf came home within a few minutes of turning on the tank because she forgot something. She found me passed out and called 911.

What was your setup like?

 

[noheart]

What was your setup like?

I bought a large tank from Canadian Tire, a turkey cooking bag from amazon and a plastic hose I got from home depot. I had to tie my arm to the nozzle to keep the air flow or else it would turn off.

I placed the tank above me and secured it to my squat rack so it would not tip over. Then i layed on the weight bench and with my arm dangling and tied to the nozzle with a bungie cord it would allow the air to keep flowing.

I had my music on, I was listening to a song and I passed out pretty quickly. I woke up with paramedics surrounding me with cops talking to the gf.

 

[MyShadow]

I bought a large tank from Canadian Tire, a turkey cooking bag from amazon and a plastic hose I got from home depot. I had to tie my arm to the nozzle to keep the air flow or else it would turn off.

I placed the tank above me and secured it to my squat rack so it would not tip over. Then i layed on the weight bench and with my arm dangling and tied to the nozzle with a bungie cord it would allow the air to keep flowing.

I had my music on, I was listening to a song and I passed out pretty quickly. I woke up with paramedics surrounding me with cops talking to the gf.

No regulator? How did you measure the rate of flow?

 

[noheart]

No regulator? How did you measure the rate of flow?

I used a helium tank like ones for blowing up balloons. The nozzle only has 1 speed on or off. You have to hold the nozzle tip down to get the air to leave the tank. The airflow wasn't too high, the bag did not break or blow off my head but I had a belt around the bottom of the bag loosley holding it.

I remember I was soaked, my entire body was dripping in dripping in sweat when I woke up. Oh and the bag smelt awful.

 

[MissAbyss]

My dog, the thought of leaving her behind is crushing me..

 

[Eriktf]

not caring if im alive or not
survival instinct

 

[dissociation]

I want to experience a few more beautiful moments with the horses before I leave this world forever.

 

[Leaving1970]

Fear of what awaits after death!

 

[MyShadow]

I used a helium tank like ones for blowing up balloons. The nozzle only has 1 speed on or off. You have to hold the nozzle tip down to get the air to leave the tank. The airflow wasn't too high, the bag did not break or blow off my head but I had a belt around the bottom of the bag loosley holding it.

I remember I was soaked, my entire body was dripping in dripping in sweat when I woke up. Oh and the bag smelt awful.

Apparently the helium content in balloon helium tanks is 80%, the remaining 20% is air which apparently makes it considerably less effective.

 

[FoxSauce]

Hmm family , freinds and my fear of death

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

fear of failing a suicide attempt and remaining alive but in a worse condition more brain damage or more damage.

I wish i could hire someone to aid me with my suicide attempt to make it guaranteed but they made that a crime.

i fear excruciating pain. but i can only suffer pain while my brain is alive and conscious. 1 micro-second after my brain dies i will cease to exist forever , never exist again

i don't fear Death. Death is non-existence forever no pain no problems no suffering no bad memories ever . there is no reason for me to fear that.

it's like going back to the time before they birthed me into this hell when i didn't have any problems. i didn' t exist for 13.8 billion years and that wasn't a problem at all

 

[brokenspirited]

The fact that trying to CTB can go so wrong and lead to way worse torment than what I'm already enduring in this cruel, futile existence terrifies me so deeply, it's just so immensely cruel how there isn't just an option to peacefully cease existing for those of us who simply want relief from all this endless pain and suffering, the risk of it all going wrong holds me back because no one should have to suffer even more just to escape this abomination of existence I never would had chosen.