Discussion What is holding you back from CTB?

[Dejected 55]

Mostly, it is that sad part of me that doesn't want it to be over. Death is final. Once I take that step, all other options are officially off the table. As much as I've suffered, as many bad turns as I've had... a part of me knows who I could be if only I could ever have been loved. A stupid part of me still somehow thinks the woman I love could still reach out to me... and I've pushed and extended my existence as far as I can to allow for that, even though there is no logical realistic reason to ever think she will.

The truth for me is that I am one of those people who doesn't really want to die. I don't want attention or pity, but I wish so hard I could live, I mean actually live... be the man I'm meant to be with the person, the woman I'm meant to be with... and death is final, it's all over... yes the suffering will end, but all possibilities even the very slim ones for good end too. I'm trying to give time or fate or whatever as much as I can, just in case she comes knocking like a miracle in the eleventh hour. I know in my heart and my soul she will not... but I keep waiting. She is all I have to hold onto.

After that, I'm afraid of failure. If I fail I might not get another shot... if I got caught I might not be left alone to try again. I think there is a slim chance to be caught, but slim isn't none, so the fear is there.

 

[Captain Howdy]

Hey...my method of choice is Insulin OD. My attempt at partial hanging failed 4 years ago and I really hope insulin OD works. How many units did you take? Any permanent damage from that?
Why do you think it failed?

Do you have a ready supply of insulin? It's reliability is about 50/50, probably more if you are already a diabetic. There are some lesser prescribed blood sugar medications that are springing to mind. If you combined your insulin with a massive dose of one of those, I think it would really up your chances. One of your concerns is going to be a place to do it without paramedics showing up and hitting you with a large dose of dextrose to counteract.

 

[senyaa.]

;; fear, current hyperfixation and not wanting my grandma to die of a heart attack. she's unhealthily obsessed with me, i'm dead serious rn. so i'll just wait for her.

 

[Off_Switch]

Every day, less and less is holding me back. I think I've finally the entered the happiness stage that many say they observe from people right before they CTB, because they know they are about to free.

 

[abnormalshrimp]

Access to method and my family

 

[unluckysadness]

I'm still here because my plan needs to be 100% over. I'd say I've done 90%

 

[FuneralCry]

I only continue to suffer in this torturous, futile existence as I'm so cruelly denied the option to peacefully cease existing and never suffer ever again, all I wish for is painless guaranteed death with no more suffering.

I always suffer so much from existing in this horrific anti-suicide world where the suffering and torture of existing is seen as to force and prolong no matter what, all I want is to be gone, I just wish for the peace of non-existence where this existence I always saw as a mistake is finally all gone and forgotten about, I'd just never wish for the suffering of existing rather all I want is to not exist.

 

[Xeno12481632]

What is holding you back from moving forward with your suicide plan?

Survival instinct, and the fact that i dont have a reliable method
It would be even worse if i try anything and fail

 

[MyShadow]

Survival instinct, and the fact that i dont have a reliable method
It would be even worse if i try anything and fail

I completely understand and empathize