Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[violetforever]

i cleaned out more of my room today. i just have a bunch of clothes left that ill need to sort through and donate or throw away. it took me preparing for ctb to be productive and realize how unnecessary the amount of clothes i have is. just everything i own is unnecessary. it feels good to get rid of all this stuff.

something that made me surprisingly happy today is that a stray cat i was feeding finally came back to my door im not allowed to feed her now but i did anyway while sat with her for a little. i havent seen her for almost 2 months. thats basically the time i began planning to ctb. its just a nice feeling seeing this kitty again before i do it

 

[ThunderBringer]

Absolutely unwanted and uncared for. My girlfriend is ignoring me in favour of her phone right now, I tried to tell her I want some more attention but I'm not very good at expressing how I feel and she went back to her phone after giving me what I wanted for about 30 seconds. I just want to die

 

[violetforever]

Absolutely unwanted and uncared for. My girlfriend is ignoring me in favour of her phone right now, I tried to tell her I want some more attention but I'm not very good at expressing how I feel and she went back to her phone after giving me what I wanted for about 30 seconds. I just want to die

what in the world is more important on a phone than someone right next to u who loves u?! im sorry i just got so upset for u when i read this.

 

[yotaka]

i cleaned out more of my room today. i just have a bunch of clothes left that ill need to sort through and donate or throw away. it took me preparing for ctb to be productive and realize how unnecessary the amount of clothes i have is. just everything i own is unnecessary. it feels good to get rid of all this stuff.

something that made me surprisingly happy today is that a stray cat i was feeding finally came back to my door im not allowed to feed her now but i did anyway while sat with her for a little. i havent seen her for almost 2 months. thats basically the time i began planning to ctb. its just a nice feeling seeing this kitty again before i do it

Why aren't you allowed to feed her?

 

[violetforever]

Why aren't you allowed to feed her?

its against the rules of the landlord

 

[Bitch With An Apple]

I just wanna sleep forever
Like a cartoon rabbit in their little den that has a tv and cute but modest furniture

I've started having chest pains the past couple of days. I think it's either from smoking or my adderall script. It's still too early for me to go (as tempting as it is). I'll probably have to give up one or both of those things. Sucks because adderall does successfully force a "productive" mindset out of my normally stubborn mind sometimes.

 

[scordatura]

you know when you think cars are stalking you... and you think folk are planning to kill you? and your all freaked out? yeah...well it's calming when you'd thank them

 

[DonLockwood]

Lazy and helpless. Going through the motions of just waking up, eating, and then going back to bed. Theres a pinch of guilt though. I know this position is bad. I need to get employment somehow. But I just dont want to go through the maze that is getting it. Employment oppourtunities that aren't Macca's are hard to come by.

 

[witchcraft]

I have somewhere to be in 7 hours, I'm drunk, and I don't know how I'll make it.

 

[Bitch With An Apple]

I like it when I see moths around the house. The kind that settle in one spot and stay there. I like to think they've reached the end of their life cycle and they've found a quiet place to die peacefully. I like being able to provide that for them. Probably super projective because I don't know anything about moths, but they're not like bees who panic and desperately try to fly back outside.

 

[Custos]

I'm fat as fuck, I have a sugar addiction after being 14, I want to be 14 again. My fear of uncontrolled weight gain was correct.

 

[2muchpain2]

i feel hopeless and in a state of constant despair
Every single waking hour is filled with pain, regret, anxiety, depression, you name it, every negative emotion and feeling you can imagine.
I hate coming home, and I cry every single minute I'm home. I am ready to die, but afraid of what it will do to the few who love me that I will leave behind.

 

[UmbraDweller]

I binged on expired cashew butter and now my tummy hurts.

 

[scordatura]

amnesia, please give me amnesia. I'm trying to get away so i don't need to deal with it. but every thought lasts longer than the actual thing itself. memories fading used to be scary, but now it's all I want.

 

[BlendedHeart]

I have moments of blissful unawareness, where I forget I exist. Where I forget I'm alive. Where my mind is completely blank.

Then I look in the mirror and I remember. And it breaks. And it breaks me.

 

[R-7]

On some level I feel like I am doing better than when the fall happened in 2025 that put me in this terrible place but the reality of the situation is that I am still way very much an unhappy person. I've got friends who want to do stuff with me regularly and I will cherish them forever but the feelings continue regardless; gaining back that horrid momentum an hour or so at most after my friends go or any distractions clear and I'm right back to wanting to hop on the next bus to No-More-R-7-Town.

What would stop this I wonder? Being loved? Contriving some purpose? I don't know. I still feel like a shell of a human being and I have zero clue what I should be doing about it if anything. I might be too far gone. I don't know. It doesn't even really matter because (despite the plethora of resources on this website) I can't really wrap my head around the 'How?' of how to log out of the game of life.

Is the desire for love a crutch? Would it make me feel better? Possibly? Maybe? But how in the world is a misfit who lives in the middle of nowhere with little more than a walmart supposed to find love? I guess online is my only option but even being okay with Long Distance Relationships still leaves the question of 'How?' and I am thus trapped further still.

Shit's fucked, yo!

 

[CTB Dream]

this me losall no resn liv no resn any all nnsns

 

[Always-in-trouble]

Hopefully tommorow will be the day

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

I'm so thankful to have discovered SS. As bad as things get when I become overwhelmed, I know that I can come here. Just seeing the interface is enough to help me calm down because I know others are willing to hear me out.

 

[Bitch With An Apple]

I'm going to be suspended from college. I'm going to have to move back in with my mom. I want to try writing a novel as a last ditch effort to do something meaningful. It will probably be trash, if I even do it. But I need to try. I overestimate myself, so this won't end well.

 

[overlyelusive]

I have a little over a week left, it feels sort of like every single thing that happens only further motivates me to follow through. I feel lost, stuck in the past, and pathetic. I don't feel like I was ever a good person to begin with. And I know at the end of the day weather I die now or not people inevitably move on with their lives.

 

[kitkatt]

I feel empty. Like if you slice me open, you'll find nothing there. Just black emptiness. I go through life mechanically, and it's like every emotion I feel is fake. Like they're really just at the surface. Beneath, there's nothing. It's weird. I know what to feel but I don't feel it.

I'm hurting and because of that, I end up hurting others. I don't want to cause pain anymore. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I just want it all to end.

I feel empty but I feel everything? Maybe I feel empty because I'm capable of loving someone vastly but it does not matter. This is my last year. I've tried to many times. For almost 30 years I've gaslighted myself and I'm tired of being in an abusive relationship with myself. I'm tired of lying that it'll be ok
I'm tired of lying that someone will want me for all that I am
I'm tired of living
And this year will not be spent lying to myself I will be all that I am until I am not
I know that death will be kinder to me than life ever hoped
She's always been there in the corners of my mind it is only time I finally embrace her

 

[overmorrow]

impending doom

 

[Bowerbird]

the epstein files shit is disgusting and still haunts me. Especially that people can do that shit and get away with it, no arrests or anything. Deadass I would rather explain who chrischan is to my therapist/mother than have to explain what the "cream cheese" thing from the files is. That is literally one of the most disgusting, disturbing things I have ever had to read and I still feel like my appetite for cheese/dairy is now impaired forever. And I'm someone who doesnt have/want kids, I can't imagine how a protective mother would feel after reading it.
After hearing about it I literally had a breakdown and cried myself to sleep and physically felt like I was going to throw up and I felt extremely nauseous and didn't want to eat anything.

And the fact that the stuff released is apparently just the tip of the iceberg/tamest stuff and its already some of the most vile shit I've ever seen. Can the sun just explode already.

To quote one comment from an atheist i saw that was along the lines of "if there was a god they would not allow stuff this evil to exist"

 

[hurb]

Whats my fault for being born in a religious country. Why did it have to be me.
I wish people realised how blessed they are being born in europe.
This shit was never fucking balanced. Its all just a fucking rng game

 

[R-7]

Tried to go to sleep but woke up after like 10-20 minutes.

The funny thing is that after that I felt like...okay?

I woke up feeling close to who I was a couple of years ago -- some strange confidence and a desire to actually have fun for once. I played some video games (LAD: Pirate Yakuza in Hawaii if you're curious) and enjoyed it for a while. Unfortunately the thoughts came creeping back.

I enjoyed the clarity. It was nice while it lasted. I wonder what caused it? Just waking up and being 'out of it'?

More or less just wanted to mark this down and this post felt like it'd be an appropriate way to do that.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

I hate having to deal with a family dynamic in which one half is extremely coddling (enmeshment), and the other promotes extreme independence (detachment). I know, I've failed to become an experienced adult who can even do my own hair. I wish that I could just kill myself and leave them to deal with the fallout. I wish I hadn't been brought into this world, but I've trying to avoid exiting it like a complete asshole.

 

[Unlucky777]

The ONLY thing I want in life is death.

I cannot wait until I can take that last breath and cease to exist. I'm not jealous of anyone that's alive. I'm jealous of all the dead people. I look at dead people as all the lucky ones. I'd happily give up my life to bring back any dead person so they can live. I genuinely HATE life

 

[Manaaja]

A tldr version of why I'm anti-psychiatry:

Psychiatrists in the 1800s: being female is sexdivergent!
Psychiatrists in the 1900s; being black is racedivergent!
Psychiatrists in the 1950s: being gay is sexualitydivergent!
Psychiatrists in the 2000s: being your own person is neurodivergent!

Psychiatry has always been a pro-narcissistic-handsome-white-hetero-cis-male, anti-everyone-else ideology.

I want polymorph potions to be real. So I can prove to everyone that psychiatrists literally either worship you or dehumanize you based on your sex, sexuality, narcissism, looks, skin color, and race.

 

[Unsure and Useless]

I feel a sense of dread. It's the kind that comes when you realize that you've fucked your life up for good and that the only viable path for you is CTB. I feel the need to CTB stronger today because there's nothing else for me. I've messed up too much to undo it