Trying to fix my relationship feels fake

[4colliez]

I've been trying to slowly rebuild my relationship after a bunch of shit happened between me and my bf. He wanted to break up and told me a bunch of things that kind of changed the way I view him. His priorities are fucked up. But I still love him and I'm convincing myself that if he falls in love with me again he'll stop being stubborn and change the way he thinks. Trying to talk to him about how shitty his views are is like talking to a brick wall. It's been more than rough because of this and I ended up calling the hotline multiple times lol. But recently it's been going so much better between us and things are actually looking up. We're talking about the future again

The thing is it feels so fake... I don't even know how to explain it. I feel like it's only going well because I've repressed all my feelings and my needs just so he doesn't leave me. The things he said to me really fucked me up and it's not what I want in a relationship at all... it's also not how I treat him. I'm just holding onto the hope he'll come to his senses and treat me well again. I just want understanding, I've been treated like shit so much in the past I just want this to be good but unless I'm actively having a good time with him I genuinely feel miserable the rest of the time

 

[U. A.]

Hard to say anything from these scant details but sounds like he might actually be a bad person and you're just stuck on an old program from before you actually knew that. Depending on the things said it might be worth evaluating if you actually want to stick around if they're red enough flags that he will just be bad still in the future. And he already wanted to break up with you and you're trying to keep him around from some place of dependency.

 

[Valky]

Same thing happened to me.
My advice:
Leave. It is not your job to fix someone like this. It is not your job to teach someone how to treat you with basic respect and dignity.
If you have to repress all your feelings and become a shell of the person you are to feel like he will accept you then that is not love, it is control, manipulation.
I know it is hard to leave because of the nice memories in the past. But that is what they are, the past. The reality is much darker now and it is not your fault but you need to get out!

 

[4colliez]

Hard to say anything from these scant details but sounds like he might actually be a bad person and you're just stuck on an old program from before you actually knew that. Depending on the things said it might be worth evaluating if you actually want to stick around if they're red enough flags that he will just be bad still in the future. And he already wanted to break up with you and you're trying to keep him around from some place of dependency.

talking about everything would be very long and i also prefer to stay as unidentifiable as possible. i do think i have developed a dependency on the relationship which wasn't so apparent before we started having problems. i thought i was much more stable when we started dating. our lives have become very intertwined and we've been together for a while so i want to see where it goes because i think he may have said some things in the heat of the moment. it's just all confusing right now, he has helped me heal from a lot so it's scary to lose something i know can be so good

Same thing happened to me.
My advice:
Leave. It is not your job to fix someone like this. It is not your job to teach someone how to treat you with basic respect and dignity.

that hits hard... i really felt like i was being treated like a princess for a very long time. he was so good to me despite our ups and downs so i don't know why it went downhill. i want to try to still get through to him because i am not really prepared for what happens if i can't ... i just never imagined this and already feel lost
i hope you are healing from your experience though

 

[TheFalseWidow]

You can't change someone, don't become a shell of a person because you are trying to fit into a mold that has changed.

 

[Valky]

that hits hard... i really felt like i was being treated like a princess for a very long time. he was so good to me despite our ups and downs so i don't know why it went downhill. i want to try to still get through to him because i am not really prepared for what happens if i can't ... i just never imagined this and already feel lost
i hope you are healing from your experience though

I understand and don't blame you for feeling this way just take care of yourself, okay?
I know that ending things sounds scary, especially after spending so much time together. I also felt like I was losing a part of me but being apart eventually showed me how abusive the relationship actually was and I really needed that wake up call.

I appreciate it a lot <3 I hope things turn out well for you!!