too scared to go all the way with fsh

[eggsausagerice]

idk what else i'm gonna do lol. i can't learn how to drive because i feel like too much of a fuck up burden and it's a lot of money just to drive myself off a bridge. it's not worth it. i don't care much about progressing in life. i'm not going to be able to shake the thought that i'm incapable of doing anything and no one and nothing can make me change that mindset. people can make me believe in myself temporarily then get disappointed in me or made uncomfortable by how little i have going on in my life.

today's a no-go. i have a blistering headache and my throat hurts. i started crying on the floor of my closet again because i wanted to do it even though it scares me to die and be in pain. i feel so uncomfortable at the thought that i'm going to do this over and over until i work up the courage to die. it's not fair. people kill themselves all the time but i can't, for some reason. i feel so wimpy and stupid. i just want to disappear.

 

[OliverGarden]

Hey, buddy... I'm the same! It's super super normal. You just... don't hear about it cuz it's not really something people like being public about for multiple reasons. But it doesn't make you weak. Hopefully these opportunities either let you find joy in life, or that you can at least find your strength to pull through and ctb. Whichever way things go for you, I hope you can be okay and happy soon.

 

[itsgone2]

Yeah I'm there too. Really have wanted to for a few months now. Also just can't get it done.
There are many on here that want to fsh and can't. We will get there one day.

 

[twistedtransistor47]

I'm in the same boat rn, just floating through life doing absolutely nothing and waiting for it to get bad enough so I'll have enough courage to fsh

 

[eggsausagerice]

just floating through life doing absolutely nothing and waiting for it to get bad enough so I'll have enough courage to fsh

it doesn't feel like living to wait until i'm in so much anguish that i want to die. some day this month i'm going to have to work up the courage to do it. it feels like i'm making excuses to not do it when i have the rope and i know exactly how to kill myself. i hate being stuck in this state where i know i'm going to kill myself soon so i can't make any plans for the future because they're going to be wasted.

 

[twistedtransistor47]

it doesn't feel like living to wait until i'm in so much anguish that i want to die. some day this month i'm going to have to work up the courage to do it. it feels like i'm making excuses to not do it when i have the rope and i know exactly how to kill myself. i hate being stuck in this state where i know i'm going to kill myself soon so i can't make any plans for the future because they're going to be wasted.

Being stuck between life and death is agonizing... I'm so sorry about the pain you're experiencing... but at the same time, it is kind of relieving to know I'm not the only one experiencing this.