Angst Filled Fuck Up
Illuminated
- Sep 9, 2018
- 3,182
Hi all. I haven't felt much like posting or writing much of anything recently so I'm sorry if I've left anyone hanging. I've been feeling so overwhelmed with physical and mental health symptoms that life is feeling like a net negative every day I'm alive. I'm finding myself in a position where I don't know how to cope with it all anymore.
I have Hashimoto's disease, which is a thyroid issue, and it comes with a whole host of symptoms. I experience extreme fatigue 24/7, dizziness, and brain fog. My gut is also completely fucked. I have acid reflux and some erosion of internal structures because of it, along with diverticulitis, nausea, and agonizing stomach cramps randomly. I also have really bad anxiety and insomnia, with a self-reinforcing loop (worrying about not sleeping which causes more anxiety, etc). Due to lack of sleep, everything feels worse, which causes my issues to weigh on me even more heavily. I can't remember the last time I felt cheerful, upbeat or energetic.
Life is very difficult for me. Because my system is so sensitive, if I eat the wrong thing, I'll be in a world of hurt, and simply existing by virtue of my other symptoms and mental health struggles is unpleasant. I've been traumatized by my episodes with these various issues and the tough times I've been through with them, and because of it, my world is very small. I stay within a close radius to home so that I'm near to doctor's offices and the hospital. I don't feel safe or relaxed at all anymore lately, and I don't know how to break free of this prison that is my own being. I'm too cowardly to ctb and yet I'm deathly afraid of living with such a compromised body and mind for many more years.
I'm just venting here I guess. Sometimes it helps me to get things off my chest, and if you read this far, thank you. Much love to all.
I have Hashimoto's disease, which is a thyroid issue, and it comes with a whole host of symptoms. I experience extreme fatigue 24/7, dizziness, and brain fog. My gut is also completely fucked. I have acid reflux and some erosion of internal structures because of it, along with diverticulitis, nausea, and agonizing stomach cramps randomly. I also have really bad anxiety and insomnia, with a self-reinforcing loop (worrying about not sleeping which causes more anxiety, etc). Due to lack of sleep, everything feels worse, which causes my issues to weigh on me even more heavily. I can't remember the last time I felt cheerful, upbeat or energetic.
Life is very difficult for me. Because my system is so sensitive, if I eat the wrong thing, I'll be in a world of hurt, and simply existing by virtue of my other symptoms and mental health struggles is unpleasant. I've been traumatized by my episodes with these various issues and the tough times I've been through with them, and because of it, my world is very small. I stay within a close radius to home so that I'm near to doctor's offices and the hospital. I don't feel safe or relaxed at all anymore lately, and I don't know how to break free of this prison that is my own being. I'm too cowardly to ctb and yet I'm deathly afraid of living with such a compromised body and mind for many more years.
I'm just venting here I guess. Sometimes it helps me to get things off my chest, and if you read this far, thank you. Much love to all.
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