Thinking about the grief I am going to cause hurts me.

[knowledgeseeking]

I have my method and I feel ready to go, but knowing that I am about to hurt and cause people immense grief makes me pause. I myself have struggled with complicated grief and know first hand the pain that cause which me feel guilty putting it on others.

I know there is no magic answer, but how does one move past this? Ending my life is something I need to do, but I hate this feeling of selfishness I'm experiencing.

 

[copioushopelessness]

I feel this too. Not many care but a few people might. I guess just let them know you're no longer suffering beforehand. I know that doesn't change the grief but it may let others know that you just didn't want to feel pain anymore. They will know it wasn't impulsive.

 

[flowerbomb]

That's the hardest part I think.... thinking of people who will be traumatized or even destroyed by my choice. I dont't have a solution for that...

 

[LastWhisper]

Yes, same thing, but we own our lives, so we're able to do with it anything we want, no matter what others will say/feel/etc. I mean, when it comes to such global choices, it's okay to chose yourself and your own comfort. I know my death will cause a lot of troubles for other people, but should I continue to suffer just because of that? I think no. Everyone's is selfishness actually, we all do things that are best for ourselves first, and if does for others, its kinda side effect of what we do for ourselves.

 

[thelostautistic]

Honestly I don't know if there is a way past it. It's a very human thing to feel I'm right there with you though. It's so hard

 

[rainy.tears]

I feel the same way. I feel trapped in an impossible choice between living on with unbearable suffering and intense grief at the life that my chronic illness has taken away, and ending my life and causing unimaginable amounts of grief to the people I love most.

I go over this every day in my mind and there is no way out of it. I have told my loved ones repeatedly about my wish to be dead and they have told me they understand but also that me leaving would cause them a lot of pain. My mum told me that she would never be able to feel happiness again. I can't bear thinking about the consequences of my suicide but I can't bear the pain of living either.

I try to remind myself that it's not my fault that I will die; it's the result of circumstances outside my control. Suicide is not really a choice because the alternative is too awful. People die all the time in accidents or due to illness and for me suicide is the same. I know, however, that suicide brings an extra layer of suffering to those left behind because of their sense that they could perhaps have done something to prevent it, or their belief that the person who died "chose" to go and therefore inflicted this pain on them willingly.

For now I just keep carrying on as best I can…

 

[CoKofi]

I have my method and I feel ready to go, but knowing that I am about to hurt and cause people immense grief makes me pause. I myself have struggled with complicated grief and know first hand the pain that cause which me feel guilty putting it on others.

I know there is no magic answer, but how does one move past this? Ending my life is something I need to do, but I hate this feeling of selfishness I'm experiencing.

I don't have an answer or any advice, but for me, I've decided that making the "clean up" process as minimal as possible will help my family members when they're grieving. I'll clean up my belongings, close my bank accounts, write down passwords to my laptop and phone (if they want to use it), write a note of some kind, and get a will (without a will it's a long process to get anything done with the deceased's assets in Canada. Not that I have much to begin with lol). I'm actually going to see a lawyer for the will in May after my exams are done.

 

[SoLowHollow48]

Why are you so keen on going? I mean, if you know the shit that you're going to put these people through, why go through with it at all? Like... I always find it weird how the people here will just ctb, get encouraged to ctb, actually ctb-ed, and then just get forgotten like that. Like we're all just numbers. We don't matter when we're supposed to matter in a space like this with this particular struggle. And the worst part is that, those who have died here would say shit like "oh, don't die guys. Don't catch up." as if you didn't just kill yourself and motivate others to do the same?!

Anyways, what I'm tryna say is, have you exerted all of your options before you go down this path? What's the diagnosis? What's going on? What happened? Why is suicide THE ONLY viable choice right now?

When there are so many people there wanting to support you to keep on being there, to stay alive--seeing as how you know that they'll be devastated, why? Why do this at all?

Did they cause this? Because to me, right, if you want to die so much, you should have no one to grieve over at all. They all mean nothing to you.

 

[elenaboo25]

I have one friend who will be very upset if I ctb. I know, because a different friend of us has died recently, and it made my friend very upset. But we both know it is neccessary. I have told them from the very beginning that it is just a matter of time in my case. But it is still very hard, knowing that they will be very upset.

 

[Aflame5926]

sorry but im gonna be mean.

This is the consequence of the choice YOU make.
you want the easy(or hard) way out while you still care for people feelings?

you can write a good bye note but you think that is enough?
if you know that you are loved by friend, family heck even a partner. you need to face it.
these people time will stop while the world keep spinning.

CTB is a egoist act yet it isnt but. the question is. can you CTB knowing all the damage you will create?
you are your own executioner.
(this is not to prevent but more to realise everything has a price, somebody or something has to pay)

Why are you so keen on going? I mean, if you know the shit that you're going to put these people through, why go through with it at all? Like... I always find it weird how the people here will just ctb, get encouraged to ctb, actually ctb-ed, and then just get forgotten like that. Like we're all just numbers. We don't matter when we're supposed to matter in a space like this with this particular struggle. And the worst part is that, those who have died here would say shit like "oh, don't die guys. Don't catch up." as if you didn't just kill yourself and motivate others to do the same?!

Anyways, what I'm tryna say is, have you exerted all of your options before you go down this path? What's the diagnosis? What's going on? What happened? Why is suicide THE ONLY viable choice right now?

When there are so many people there wanting to support you to keep on being there, to stay alive--seeing as how you know that they'll be devastated, why? Why do this at all?

Did they cause this? Because to me, right, if you want to die so much, you should have no one to grieve over at all. They all mean nothing to you.

^ 1000% i do think some people do tend to forget sometimes the impact but then again dead men doesnt tell stories