Suicidality after losing loved ones

[lapislazu]

Hello. I'm writing this to ask for support from like-minded people. I'm likely to lose the three closest people in my life to age-related illnesses and heart disease. I dont know when, but it will be relatively soon. I can't imagine living the rest of my life without these people. I think the grief will consume me. Life feels utterly pointless. I've convinved myself not to ctb many times in the past solely because these three people are alive, and I didn't want to hurt them. But when they pass, there will genuinely be no reason for me to endure the pain anymore.

How does one cope with grief? How do you go the rest of your days without being able to call, talk, or hug the people you've lost? I genuinely can't wrap my brain around it. I feel like I'll ctb immediately after they die, but I don't want to think this way. I dont know how "normal" people cope with losing people who are so critical to their daily lives. Please help.

 

[dieingasap]

Oh dear

 

[kittyloverxd]

I remember when I lost someone who I thought of as my twin when I was 12, we were the same age, my first friend. I remember the day he died, a part of me died and went to heaven along with him. I cried and cried and cried and cried and cried, I was buddhist but I dropped down to my knees put my hands down and bowed down praying if god is real or if there is a higher being that overlook us all, to please let this be a nightmare and let my best friend still be alive. (I am 18 now and I still haven't woken up from my nightmare yet) 3 years later, when I was 14, my mom was crying on the phone and she gave me the phone and it was my best friends (the same best friend that passed away) father and told me that his wife died, and my family and I were really close to my best friend. I was born in a refugee camp in the mountains of south-east asia and they helped us move to America, they literally saved us. We made so many amazing memories but he told us that she passed away, and when I heard that I literally fell down to my knees I could not speak, I could not breathe, I couldn't do anything but have to urge to end it all and meet them again because I miss them so very much. And I did the same exact thing I kept on praying, praying, praying, praying, praying that this is all a bad nightmare and please wake me up out of it. I literally viewed my best friends mother and father as my mother and father, they taught us manners and so many things because at home (my dad was abusive to the whole family) it wasn't going well so they taught us how to act polite and be good and kind people towards others. We haven't heard from my best friends father but he's in a retirement home now I think so I don't think we can call him but hopefully he reaches back to us and I pray often that he's doing well. But how do you cope with grief? How do you continue to live after someone who was literally your whole world died.. not once.. not twice and hopefully not 3x? I'm not even sure myself when I first heard that my best friend had passed away when I was 12 I would go to balcony at midnight while everyone was about to sleep and try to jump off but I would be to scared to and think "If I go to heaven right now, would my best friend be happy or sad of what I did?" It'll be hard to "cope" with this pain. And really you can't. Just try to make the best memories you can while you're still alive, so when you do finally meet your loved ones in the afterlife, you can tell them all the stories that's happened to you.. (that is if there even is an afterlife) if you need someone to talk too i'm always here i'm sorry to hear that :(

 

[whywere]

Back in March 1982, I lost the VERY best friend that I will ever have. Even now it stings like heavens.

However, with the prior said, I know that he would have wanted me to live on for him, and see, feel and experience life to the fullest.

It took many years to put his memory into a mental place in my brain and thoughts, but I have and even as I type this, I have a wonderful feeling of him and that he is right here with me.

Like the usual saying of "it will take time", yes but you are such a caring person, that the light of their presence is and always will be with you.

I can close my eyes and see, hear and know that my best friend is and always will be with me and I hope and pray the exact same loving remembrance for you and all your closest friends.

Hugs and well wishes to you, my good friend,

Walter

 

[TBONTB]

I'd like to offer you support for this tough time you are going through...and will go through. First and foremost, it is hard and scary.

I have lost my mother and my father, so sad but not tragic. I found it wasn't as hard as I expected to have them out of my life, but they weren't a daily part of my life when they passed. So perhaps it will be less painful than you imagine?

The only thing I have to offer is that you will need live support as you go through these. What other family members or friends do you have who can be there for lunches or coffees. Get something regularly scheduled.

There are also lots of grief groups. You can attend one regularly to share with others going through what you are. If you are in the US and there is hospice care, I think they even have grief groups. Start to look around.

And as soon as you can, five yourself structure. Water aerobics on Tuesday and Thursday. Lunch with Suzy on Friday.
Church or Pickle Ball on Sunday. At first you will be dragging yourself, but it can keep you from despair. I hope

It's so thoughtful of you to start to think about preparing for your next phase. That seems very promising. Sending kind thougts your way.