Discussion someone you’ve lost who you'd like to speak to?

[batmanreal]

i've lost pretty much everyone. i have no one. when it comes to people and relationships, there's no stability. the only thing that remains consistent is the fact that everyone leaves me, no exceptions. all the people in my life have died, drifted away, dropped me, or treated me like shit. anyway, there are a few people i'd like to talk to again. i want to express my thoughts to them, i want to vent to them, and yap about how they've hurt me and ruined my life. i want to ask them why i was so horrible and insignificant, and why i was so easy to ditch. i want to ask what i could have done to make them stay. i want to express to everyone how i've been left so paranoid and scared of getting close to others, all because everyone has left me.

there are some more specific things i'd like to say to certain people, mainly ex-friends, but i don't really have the energy to get into it now. i don't think voicing my thoughts would help anything, but getting it out to those people would still be nice.
i want most of them to be aware when i ctb as well. not really out of spite—i know that they don't care enough to feel any sort of way when i die, and you can't spite someone who doesn't care. i just want them to know that i was actually serious. i don't think anyone believed i was serious about ctb or my issues. even if they don't care, i want them to know that i wasn't just exhausting them for no reason.

this shit is the reason why i have such a hard time biting my tongue now. i'm tired of holding onto thoughts and wondering how certain people would have responded. there are people i wish i could speak to, but can't.
everything feels... incomplete? there's still so much hanging in the air that couldn't be discussed, and i'd give anything to clear it up. i can't handle living with unfinished things. my mind is flooded with the millions of what-ifs of how each conversation and topic would've been handled by each person; it makes me feel so exhausted.

i typed more than i wanted to, lol. i was wondering if anyone else feels the same way/has the same issue.
this is your sign to talk your shit to the people in your life—if you can, of course.

 

[kasa]

it's really scary for me to tell my feelings to friends. when i sometimes talk about being depressed, my depression gets twice as bad. they're too busy talking about themselves and i end up having to comfort them. because of that, i barely talk to them anymore. i feel like i've become an emotional trash can. i guess i'll live like this forever. i don't even expect anyone to listen to me anymore. i just want to live without having to worry about others even if i don't have friends

 

[alstroemeria55]

I get it. I hate myself for seemingly being so awful that I don't deserve anyone to stick around for me and I'm also immensely hurt that someone can just up and leave when you thought they cared about you as much as you cared about them. Barely had anything or anyone in the first place and the one person who I had a connection with that I thought was reciprocated decides I meant nothing to them, after lying to me over and over and making me believe that I did mean something.