scares of SI

[pelicanportal]

I am very worried about survival instinct, I am worried about pursuing a chosen method (SN, overdose, N, poisoning) then regretting it but it being too late to do anything, my last moments in fear hopelessly thrashing around like a euthanized animal. I am 100% confident in my decision but I am so scared of SI fucking it up, or if I freak out so hard I try to get help and do get "saved" that I am hospitalized and lose all of my chosen method. Like I only get a few shots to kill myself a preferred way and those methods get taken from me and cannot be replaced. Any advice? What can I do other than benzos, which I have a decent tolerance for already, or propranalol? I am sure of the choice but FUCK SI.

 

[ificouldlivewithout]

Commenting because I relate and I need some answers too

 

[gardenhouse]

I am very worried about survival instinct, I am worried about pursuing a chosen method (SN, overdose, N, poisoning) then regretting it but it being too late to do anything, my last moments in fear hopelessly thrashing around like a euthanized animal. I am 100% confident in my decision but I am so scared of SI fucking it up, or if I freak out so hard I try to get help and do get "saved" that I am hospitalized and lose all of my chosen method. Like I only get a few shots to kill myself a preferred way and those methods get taken from me and cannot be replaced. Any advice? What can I do other than benzos, which I have a decent tolerance for already, or propranalol? I am sure of the choice but FUCK SI.

N as in Nembutal? That's actually the most peaceful painless way, if only it was available over the counter.

Any bonzos wouldn't kill you, benzo is supposed to make you unconscious while the drug which is meant to stop your heart is going into action.

 

[pelicanportal]

Any bonzos wouldn't kill you, benzo is supposed to make you unconscious while the drug which is meant to stop your heart is going into action.

I know, it is advised to take to reduce SI but my tolerance is built up that it won't help

 

[squiddedoutt]

I don't know if you think this is possible for you, but for me having accepted and being fully confident in my decision to die would be enough. Also preparing a peaceful environment and state of mind.

 

[Dontwant2Bhere]

I don't know if you think this is possible for you, but for me having accepted and being fully confident in my decision to die would be enough. Also preparing a peaceful environment and state of mind.

Easier said than done, though. Hard to be "confident" in something that ends with death. It's a very serious thing.

 

[pelicanportal]

Even if I feel confident in my decision the SI kicking in after I have done it is what scares me and I am looking for advice to overcome that

 

[Let Me Go]

Maybe turn off the phone and put it in another room.

I try to think of loved ones that passed, and praying for the courage to follow through

 

[Mooncry]

The more I mull over this in my head (which I've done a lot at this point), the more I'm starting to think there's not really much we can do to combat this. I think SI and that primal terror isn't something we can "fight," but something we need to accept as a part of the deal. It's hardwired into subconscious parts of our brain we can't control, only make numb to a certain degree with medication.

I'm in the process of reluctantly accepting that I'm simply going to be terrified, and that's that. Because I'm meant to be. Death is the ultimate unknown, we can't even fathom what it's like to be dead, or what that even is/means. I think leaning into it and not trying to fight what can't be fought is the angle that needs to be taken here. You should be scared in your final moments—more importantly you should let yourself be scared. That's how I'm beginning to see it anyway, as much as I hate it.

 

[VegasLyra]

I am very worried about survival instinct, I am worried about pursuing a chosen method (SN, overdose, N, poisoning) then regretting it but it being too late to do anything, my last moments in fear hopelessly thrashing around like a euthanized animal. I am 100% confident in my decision but I am so scared of SI fucking it up, or if I freak out so hard I try to get help and do get "saved" that I am hospitalized and lose all of my chosen method. Like I only get a few shots to kill myself a preferred way and those methods get taken from me and cannot be replaced. Any advice? What can I do other than benzos, which I have a decent tolerance for already, or propranalol? I am sure of the choice but FUCK SI.

Complete truth be told that almost certainly will happen. Have you heard that statistic about how people who jump off the golden gate bridge and end up surviving all reported having regret and fear right after they jumped? All of us here would feel that exact way. That's why, at least to me, it's crucial that any method render me unconscious first and quickly at that.

My method is hanging and (if done right) you pass out within seconds of feeling the rope around your neck, so it's perfect. Whats your method?