Venting no one wants me to stay, i won't be missed

[nails]

i had this before and i thought the opposite would be better. i felt so much guilt about hurting others, but i felt comforted knowing that i was loved. it made death less daunting, it felt nice knowing that i'd die loved. the guilt was awful, but still.

no one will be affected by my death. at most, the family members i live with will be inconvenienced, but i don't think they'll feel genuine or serious grief. i don't think any of them really enjoy my presence and all i do is bother them and cause problems. i've told them about my desire to die and they don't really care, they just get annoyed. they'll have to pay more in bills and stuff, i think that'll bother them more than anything. i feel bad about that.

i feel shitty for even being bothered by this, i feel like being alone in death should be freeing. this feels awful. i want to be missed, i want someone to talk me out of it, i want to know that someone out there genuinely wants me to stay because they'll miss my presence. no one ever misses me. my friends left and all but one of them even bothered to have a conversation with me before dipping. no one at work really cares if i'm absent. at most, they just get annoyed because they don't like whoever ends up filling in for me. none of family seems to enjoy being around me, i think they prefer when i'm not around. i can't blame any of these people, i'm the common denominator, i fail to be enough for anyone.

 

[PanaxMan]

i had this before and i thought the opposite would be better. i felt so much guilt about hurting others, but i felt comforted knowing that i was loved. it made death less daunting, it felt nice knowing that i'd die loved. the guilt was awful, but still.

no one will be affected by my death. at most, the family members i live with will be inconvenienced, but i don't think they'll feel genuine or serious grief. i don't think any of them really enjoy my presence and all i do is bother them and cause problems. i've told them about my desire to die and they don't really care, they just get annoyed. they'll have to pay more in bills and stuff, i think that'll bother them more than anything. i feel bad about that.

i feel shitty for even being bothered by this, i feel like being alone in death should be freeing. this feels awful. i want to be missed, i want someone to talk me out of it, i want to know that someone out there genuinely wants me to stay because they'll miss my presence. no one ever misses me. my friends left and all but one of them even bothered to have a conversation with me before dipping. no one at work really cares if i'm absent. at most, they just get annoyed because they don't like whoever ends up filling in for me. none of family seems to enjoy being around me, i think they prefer when i'm not around. i can't blame any of these people, i'm the common denominator, i fail to be enough for anyone.

Same but I don't feel grief because when you are dead well you are dead.