Discussion I've failed all college classes and don't know where to go from here

[CatAstro.Fee]

Now honestly, it feels like I was going to leave eventually. I didn't see myself staying for the entire years I needed to get the degree, but I don't know about now. I have the option to just retake all the classes again but I really don't want to go through with doing everything again. I've already wasted my family's money. I already struggle so much with the attendance policy and motivation. It feels so silly that I've failed because of it but I really like to have my time when I need it, especially because I'm still depressed and anxiety ridden so it gets to me and I can't go to class. So much for pro-accessibility school.

I didn't have a plan for if I failed. I would very much still like the degree though, and going back home, it's a shithole, fuels my depression and I'm suffering now but I think at home it was much worse. Especially if I come home now after failing, my family will get on me, make me stay stuck helping them pay rent and I'll never be able to get out. This whole thing fuels me to want to cbt more than I already have, which I don't want to do. I'm just so demotivated already, at home I am too. Right now I just want to rest from everything and then try to figure things out, that's if I'm given the chance at all.

I really want to get the degree still so I'm going to look into other options that hopefully maybe doesn't require me to stay for fucking years, because in all honesty, I don't even know if the degree will be useful with companies wanting to use AI at that point, let alone how sustainable the world will be. Like I imagine getting the degree years later and it's much harder and scarier dystopia to live in, temperatures more extreme than now that I'm not even able to go outside. Will this site even exist at that point?

So uh, just trying to do everything now, avoid thinking about the future. I have like 2 other options besides the degree thing, and I think I will have to combine all three. Help me not feel like it's the end of the world, give suggestions, anything. I feel so embarrassed especially since faces from the past have seen me or people hating me might find out and be happy. Please. I can't be the only one. Thank you.

 

[-Link-]

When you already feel like a failure, and especially in this aftermath, this is a setup for a hypersensitivity to perceived criticism and judgements. Brace yourself for this, now, and try to ready yourself to keep people's unsolicited feedback in its proper place. Your family, friends, and past acquaintances don't know what it is to be you and what effort it took for you to even attend college at all. Whatever these people would say to you, they're saying it based on incomplete information. Don't buy into their baseless judgements.

As for readjusting to home life with your family, when it comes to family, I generally advocate for openness and being vulnerable with them. This is because they need information in order to even have a chance to know how to adequately support you. Meaning, sharing with them about your struggles and detailing how your anxiety and depression impacted your school life and how it continues to impact your daily life, even at home. In doing this, I would avoid using clinical terms like "anxiety" and "depression", and instead keep to descriptions of physical and emotional symptoms. Give them ideas as far as how they can accommodate you and meet your needs. They would probably want to hear some semblance of a plan, even if it involves a period of rest followed only by mental health treatment (sans employment), assuming you're willing to engage the healthcare system. Schedule this conversation ahead of time so they're free of distractions and ready for a heavy talk. If you don't think you can verbalize it, then you could write a letter for them to read instead.

If your family lacks even a basic understanding of mental health issues, then that would be a whole other matter.

But if you think they would at least hear you on this, then that's what I would suggest doing as you return home. If they already know about your mental health situation, then maybe they don't know the full extent of it (whether for lack of information or for being in denial) and need a prodding or a reminder about it.

So uh, just trying to do everything now, avoid thinking about the future.

Anything to do with "the future", or the state of the world, is a lot to take on right now. I would try to shift focus away from "5-10 years from now" (or whenever) and focus on just getting through today. And then tomorrow, focus on getting through the day again. When the bigger picture is so overwhelming, this is the only answer I've ever found: focusing on the here-and-now. Easy to say, challenging to do. Staying grounded in the present.

Any time you catch yourself thinking about the future, you could tell yourself something like, "Possibilities and opportunities will be available to me in the future, but I don't need to worry about that today," and then redirect your focus back onto "only today" and the present moment.

Yes, you want to plan for the future. But you also need to survive the here-and-now. So I would suggest trying to keep limits on how much brainpower and time you commit to thinking about the future. Once you hit those limits, tell your brain, "No more today."

I feel so embarrassed

Would you be so hard on yourself if you were suffering a physical illness that rendered you unable to reliably attend classes?

You're posting this on a suicide forum -- a pretty strong indicator of the severity of your mental health conditions. Most people in your position would have a difficult time passing their own college classes, if they could even attend college at all.

Be kind to yourself. It's OK to rest, now.

 

[chernobylmosqut]

What degree? If you have to retake classes would a study buddy help?

 

[powersurge&achilles]

Now honestly, it feels like I was going to leave eventually. I didn't see myself staying for the entire years I needed to get the degree, but I don't know about now. I have the option to just retake all the classes again but I really don't want to go through with doing everything again. I've already wasted my family's money. I already struggle so much with the attendance policy and motivation. It feels so silly that I've failed because of it but I really like to have my time when I need it, especially because I'm still depressed and anxiety ridden so it gets to me and I can't go to class. So much for pro-accessibility school.

I didn't have a plan for if I failed. I would very much still like the degree though, and going back home, it's a shithole, fuels my depression and I'm suffering now but I think at home it was much worse. Especially if I come home now after failing, my family will get on me, make me stay stuck helping them pay rent and I'll never be able to get out. This whole thing fuels me to want to cbt more than I already have, which I don't want to do. I'm just so demotivated already, at home I am too. Right now I just want to rest from everything and then try to figure things out, that's if I'm given the chance at all.

I really want to get the degree still so I'm going to look into other options that hopefully maybe doesn't require me to stay for fucking years, because in all honesty, I don't even know if the degree will be useful with companies wanting to use AI at that point, let alone how sustainable the world will be. Like I imagine getting the degree years later and it's much harder and scarier dystopia to live in, temperatures more extreme than now that I'm not even able to go outside. Will this site even exist at that point?

So uh, just trying to do everything now, avoid thinking about the future. I have like 2 other options besides the degree thing, and I think I will have to combine all three. Help me not feel like it's the end of the world, give suggestions, anything. I feel so embarrassed especially since faces from the past have seen me or people hating me might find out and be happy. Please. I can't be the only one. Thank you.

<3 I'm here for you. Similar situations. We can get through this.

 

[SadGirl]

Now honestly, it feels like I was going to leave eventually. I didn't see myself staying for the entire years I needed to get the degree, but I don't know about now. I have the option to just retake all the classes again but I really don't want to go through with doing everything again. I've already wasted my family's money. I already struggle so much with the attendance policy and motivation. It feels so silly that I've failed because of it but I really like to have my time when I need it, especially because I'm still depressed and anxiety ridden so it gets to me and I can't go to class. So much for pro-accessibility school.

I didn't have a plan for if I failed. I would very much still like the degree though, and going back home, it's a shithole, fuels my depression and I'm suffering now but I think at home it was much worse. Especially if I come home now after failing, my family will get on me, make me stay stuck helping them pay rent and I'll never be able to get out. This whole thing fuels me to want to cbt more than I already have, which I don't want to do. I'm just so demotivated already, at home I am too. Right now I just want to rest from everything and then try to figure things out, that's if I'm given the chance at all.

I really want to get the degree still so I'm going to look into other options that hopefully maybe doesn't require me to stay for fucking years, because in all honesty, I don't even know if the degree will be useful with companies wanting to use AI at that point, let alone how sustainable the world will be. Like I imagine getting the degree years later and it's much harder and scarier dystopia to live in, temperatures more extreme than now that I'm not even able to go outside. Will this site even exist at that point?

So uh, just trying to do everything now, avoid thinking about the future. I have like 2 other options besides the degree thing, and I think I will have to combine all three. Help me not feel like it's the end of the world, give suggestions, anything. I feel so embarrassed especially since faces from the past have seen me or people hating me might find out and be happy. Please. I can't be the only one. Thank you.

I understand, I'm studying nursing in a hybrid format (partially online). And I can't attend classes or do my university work. I owe a lot of money to the university; I was hospitalized a while ago because of depression, so I couldn't go to classes or pay tuition. I really want to graduate, but I can't right now, I'm also on leave from work because of depression. But next year I'll be back with everything, despite my ADHD, which makes things quite difficult. I think I need to try harder. Anyway, don't blame yourself for this, everyone knows what you're going through, but try, just try. I don't have the energy to leave the house, only to buy cocaine, yes I'm stuck in this mess, but I'll get out of it. I tell you not to put so much pressure on yourself, but I put pressure on myself too, my aunt managed to graduate as a nursing technician, and it seems like I'm stuck in everything. Hugs to you, and I hope everything goes well.

 

[Vivir_O_No]

Now honestly, it feels like I was going to leave eventually. I didn't see myself staying for the entire years I needed to get the degree, but I don't know about now. I have the option to just retake all the classes again but I really don't want to go through with doing everything again. I've already wasted my family's money. I already struggle so much with the attendance policy and motivation. It feels so silly that I've failed because of it but I really like to have my time when I need it, especially because I'm still depressed and anxiety ridden so it gets to me and I can't go to class. So much for pro-accessibility school.

I didn't have a plan for if I failed. I would very much still like the degree though, and going back home, it's a shithole, fuels my depression and I'm suffering now but I think at home it was much worse. Especially if I come home now after failing, my family will get on me, make me stay stuck helping them pay rent and I'll never be able to get out. This whole thing fuels me to want to cbt more than I already have, which I don't want to do. I'm just so demotivated already, at home I am too. Right now I just want to rest from everything and then try to figure things out, that's if I'm given the chance at all.

I really want to get the degree still so I'm going to look into other options that hopefully maybe doesn't require me to stay for fucking years, because in all honesty, I don't even know if the degree will be useful with companies wanting to use AI at that point, let alone how sustainable the world will be. Like I imagine getting the degree years later and it's much harder and scarier dystopia to live in, temperatures more extreme than now that I'm not even able to go outside. Will this site even exist at that point?

So uh, just trying to do everything now, avoid thinking about the future. I have like 2 other options besides the degree thing, and I think I will have to combine all three. Help me not feel like it's the end of the world, give suggestions, anything. I feel so embarrassed especially since faces from the past have seen me or people hating me might find out and be happy. Please. I can't be the only one. Thank you.

You didn't fail anything. In fact, there are thousands of conditions right now interfering with your life right now, so I don't really think you should think about yourself like that. You are a human being trying your best.

Remember, you are not a single "I"-entity. There are worries, fears, doubts, anxieties, and all of these constitute the being you are. Everything in your mind pulls you in different directions, and so is natural to feel that way.

 

[SadGirl]

You didn't fail anything. In fact, there are thousands of conditions right now interfering with your life right now, so I don't really think you should think about yourself like that. You are a human being trying your best.

Remember, you are not a single "I"-entity. There are worries, fears, doubts, anxieties, and all of these constitute the being you are. Everything in your mind pulls you in different directions, and so is natural to feel that way.

Thank you for your words. But I'll try to be strong and follow what I want. I know everything will be alright.

 

[CatAstro.Fee]

When you already feel like a failure, and especially in this aftermath, this is a setup for a hypersensitivity to perceived criticism and judgements. Brace yourself for this, now, and try to ready yourself to keep people's unsolicited feedback in its proper place. Your family, friends, and past acquaintances don't know what it is to be you and what effort it took for you to even attend college at all.

...I would avoid using clinical terms like "anxiety" and "depression", and instead keep to descriptions of physical and emotional symptoms. Give them ideas as far as how they can accommodate you and meet your needs. They would probably want to hear some semblance of a plan,

Thank you so much for engaging.

With my family, they are already aware but they don't really care. I rely mostly on one parent because the other is extremely toxic, we haven't been able to ever have a healthy conversation because he has never taken accountability and will try to gaslight about things he's done. He will raise his voice when trying to talk to him, won't check on anyone else's feelings.

The other person also is not very good at having healthy conversations, they are merciful in some aspects but I worry it will just be the same result. You are right about not bringing up medical terms, I think especially since they are oldschool, they are more quick to disregard it.

It's scary to think about. I just want to be able to not have to be in a rush all the time.
If I had the option, I'd be in a coma.

I really don't want to tell them about any of these things, especially because our relationship has improved a bit since I've been gone. Not with the man who raises his voice though.

Anything to do with "the future", or the state of the world, is a lot to take on right now. I would try to shift focus away from "5-10 years from now" (or whenever) and focus on just getting through today. And then tomorrow, focus on getting through the day again. When the bigger picture is so overwhelming, this is the only answer I've ever found: focusing on the here-and-now. Easy to say, challenging to do. Staying grounded in the present.

Yes, you want to plan for the future. But you also need to survive the here-and-now. So I would suggest trying to keep limits on how much brainpower and time you commit to thinking about the future. Once you hit those limits, tell your brain, "No more today."

In regards to focusing on present, I've always been told to do so but never successful. I will try your method, I tend to overwork myself often.

You're posting this on a suicide forum -- a pretty strong indicator of the severity of your mental health conditions. Most people in your position would have a difficult time passing their own college classes, if they could even attend college at all.

Be kind to yourself. It's OK to rest, now.

I guess that is something to be proud of, going here at all and trying to make it work.

I'll try to rest a bit, I need to make a decision soon though.

I wish people with some authority could understand how dire it is to let me slide, but ofc only when it's too late.

I will say, I had a meeting with the advisor of the degree I am taking. I did not ask her for a second chance or anything though, I am just too fearful and doubtful she'd let me slide. It kind of pisses me off because besides attendance, I also did not want to be in the same room as people that were part of my sexual assault. The school didn't do anything and I think most people understand they rarely do. She didn't do anything about their behavior towards me in class. She understood part of me not coming was because of those people. It was offensive to hear her say "I understand you had a traumatic experience" when she didn't do anything about it. I probably should have fought her on it but I am always making an excuse why I didn't come in, even if it's true.
I don't know. I am able to take new classes next semester but still have to make up for one next semester and two classes after. It's that, or go home for a semester, go home permanently and try to do online classes or something, or go homeless. Not that there isn't people who wouldn't take me in, but I know I always have to owe someone money or something and I'd rather just not.
Thanks for the advice and reassuring me as best as you can. I hope good for you.

What degree? If you have to retake classes would a study buddy help?

That I will not disclose.
Study buddy, I'm not quite sure. I have done work with others in the same room before, I suppose yes it could be something to look into.

<3 I'm here for you. Similar situations. We can get through this.

Thank you stranger. I hope you get through it

I understand, I'm studying nursing in a hybrid format (partially online). And I can't attend classes or do my university work. I owe a lot of money to the university; I was hospitalized a while ago because of depression, so I couldn't go to classes or pay tuition. I really want to graduate, but I can't right now, I'm also on leave from work because of depression. But next year I'll be back with everything, despite my ADHD, which makes things quite difficult. I think I need to try harder. Anyway, don't blame yourself for this, everyone knows what you're going through, but try, just try. I don't have the energy to leave the house, only to buy cocaine, yes I'm stuck in this mess, but I'll get out of it. I tell you not to put so much pressure on yourself, but I put pressure on myself too, my aunt managed to graduate as a nursing technician, and it seems like I'm stuck in everything. Hugs to you, and I hope everything goes well.

Wow that is a very intense degree I bet. Anything with medical stuff. It's hard not to put pressure on oneself for sure, let alone stick to advice you tell others lol.

From what I get, you've done alot of work already and in a good position, despite the money and fallbacks. You will graduate soon, that is really great.

Good luck to you, the best thing in these strange times is to have eachother. Thank you, hugs to you back

You didn't fail anything. In fact, there are thousands of conditions right now interfering with your life right now, so I don't really think you should think about yourself like that. You are a human being trying your best.

Remember, you are not a single "I"-entity. There are worries, fears, doubts, anxieties, and all of these constitute the being you are. Everything in your mind pulls you in different directions, and so is natural to feel that way.

Thank you, yes it feels like so many thinga at once.
Especially as humans, we were not meant for these high stake constant pressure facilities in place right now.

But of course I have to play into the game and can't really call it for what it is. I'll try to remember I'm just human. Thank you for engaging

 

[circus22]

I failed all my classes in my first year, I was so depressed and miserable. I ended up changing schools and my major which made it easier. Although I barely attended classes due to my anxiety, I still managed to pass most of them but still had to retake some. Luckily, I was able to do some of my classes online which relieved my anxiety. I used to feel so embarrassed, being behind and feeling like a failure. But I rarely think about that now because I'm close to graduating and that time in my life feels like it was so long ago.

Be gentle to yourself. Everyone goes at their own pace. You will get through this and I hope everything works out for you.

 

[Black_Knight]

Same here.

Luckily, I was able to do some of my classes online which relieved my anxiety.

Online classes were a game changer for me. Suddenly attendance wasn't an issue and school felt less entrapping and more like that sometimes unpleasant but not horrible thing I did while eating breakfast or having a smoke out on the deck.
If you can pursue them at all OP, assuming you haven't, it might be worth investigating. I don't have the option at my current school and I think it's a big contributor to why I'm fucking up again.

 

[CatAstro.Fee]

I ended up changing schools and my major which made it easier.

I've been considering this, I worry about money. But if anything, community college ig

Luckily, I was able to do some of my classes online which relieved my anxiety.

That's very good, I want to do the same. I haven't been able to face going to classes like before it's awful.

But I rarely think about that now because I'm close to graduating and that time in my life feels like it was so long ago.

I can't wait to not think about it as much and that's great you are going to graduate soon

Be gentle to yourself. Everyone goes at their own pace. You will get through this and I hope everything works out for you.

It's hard but you are right. I live a very fast paced life everyday and especially where I go and the way I was raised, there's no time for how I'm feeling right now. I don't know how to but I have to learn.

Thank you for interacting, I will get through it I will get through it.

Online classes were a game changer for me.

I love that for you and it just sounds much easier to incorporate into my daily life, like you said while you ate or smoked.

Suddenly attendance wasn't an issue...school felt less entrapping

Heavy on the entrapping !

If you can pursue them at all OP, assuming you haven't, it might be worth investigating.

I probably can go fully digital just not here I will miss exploring campus and being able to see friends whenever I want but I don't want to sacrifice more of my sanity.

it's a big contributor to why I'm fucking up again

I'm so sorry that's happening it's so stressful. Why did you switch from digital if I may ask? Whatever you decide, good luck to you, I wish they were easier on students

 

[Pallf]

I failed out of my first university, went to community college, basically alternated between passing semesters and failing semesters until I had enough to transfer to a 4 year university. I'll be graduating in a couple weeks.
The best decision I made was to go to community college. Less financial stress, you can get all your gen eds out the way and they'll generally be easier, you can get away from people you want to avoid. In my most desperate state, it was nice to have less stress to worry about. Consider an associate's first and then transfer to a 4 year.