Venting It's only getting worse

[cheaptrick]

It only gets worse. Everyday, every year. I feel like I've been circling the drain. I try to be optimistic and sometimes I even try to pretend like I don't have the problems I have but eventually I remember and it's absolute despair and rage. I genuinely have no idea what to do. I don't have the courage to commit to CTB but at the same time I'm in too much pain and misery to seriously apply myself to anything in a way that would affect my current life situation. Please God help me. Whatever I did in this life or a previous one forgive me because I've had quite enough of this.