It’s hard to accept that I’m scared of dying

[burninghill]

I'm not scared of dying in a psychological sense but moreso in the physical way.

The closer I get to death the more I think about the rails. I think the part I was most scared about during my last attempt was the underside of the train, realistically I'd never see it but it still scared me. Realistically I know I'd only feel a moment of fear as the tracks start to rumble and then it would all go away.

It's natural and normal to be scared and that's okay but I still find it hard to accept sometimes. Sometimes I want to pretend that I don't care about the moments between laying there and dying but I do. I wish I wasn't scared, I wish none of us are scared. Hopefully I can drink myself into oblivion and destroy what's left of my bodies will to survive.

 

[Claymore7274]

it is, it is indeed fucking terrifying, i battle with these thoughts too, it's debilitating

 

[peacebenow]

It is normal to be scared and maybe accepting that will help you.

 

[flyingangel]

I remember ODing, and afterwards I was trying to get myself to sleep, and I felt intensely, for a second, the fear of death. I didn't make myself vomit because I realized I was more scared of life
Alas, that attempt failed

 

[SASU-KE]

The closer I get to death the more I think about the rails.

Are you afraid of going off the rails? OK, I'll stop.


I don't believe when my time comes, I'll be afraid. Every day is making me a bit more certain. Like you, I intend to have alcohol on that day. Process is simple. The noose tied on my pull up bar. Chug as much alcohol as I can,put my head in the noose and stand on a flimsy stool.

Should take a few minutes,I won't be conscious for it.

 

[bhaloo]

Dude I have so much respect for people who have the courage to CTB. I have had sucidal thoughts all my life but I could never get myself to do it, because every method is terrifying.

Few days ago I overdosed on Meth twice and went to Emergwncy. It was terrible … I felt my heart will explode

 

[The Disqualified]

Dude I have so much respect for people who have the courage to CTB. I have had sucidal thoughts all my life but I could never get myself to do it, because every method is terrifying.

I mean, I don't think all methods are terrifying for me.
But death by train seems horrible and gruesome. SN seems the better option to me as my body will not be dismembered in a horrible way, but I will still die.

I cannot imagine the scene after someone jumps in front of a moving train. It seems horrible, to see such a scene, to see a living being in such a state. It seems horrible to imagine.
I imagine the juxtaposition... of seeing the person in whole, talking to them, laughing with them... and then you see the scene of their... remains...
I see no comfort in that. I think SN would be much better to me. My body would still be there, just dead...

I also wouldn't do it because I know this can be deeply traumatic for the poor soul driving the train, and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone, even if unentionally.
I think SN is one of the best options out there. I am lucky to have easy access and opportunity to it.

 

[burninghill]

I mean, I don't think all methods are terrifying for me.
But death by train seems horrible and gruesome. SN seems the better option to me as my body will not be dismembered in a horrible way, but I will still die.

I cannot imagine the scene after someone jumps in front of a moving train. It seems horrible, to see such a scene, to see a living being in such a state. It seems horrible to imagine.
I imagine the juxtaposition... of seeing the person in whole, talking to them, laughing with them... and then you see the scene of their... remains...
I see no comfort in that. I think SN would be much better to me. My body would still be there, just dead...

I also wouldn't do it because I know this can be deeply traumatic for the poor soul driving the train, and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone, even if unentionally.
I think SN is one of the best options out there. I am lucky to have easy access and opportunity to it.

It doesn't matter to me how my body looks honestly. I could be pulp and it wouldn't matter.