Introduce yourself

[Blue Mushroom]

Helllooooooooo
25yo male Virolainen here. Used to be depressed, constantly stressed/anxious and of course suicidal but I've been out of that hole for a while now, did take more than half a dozen years of introspection though. I still think I'll become an hero at some point in the future but It'll most likely be because I just can't be bothered to live anymore rather than from sadness, loneliness or anything like that. Speaking of loneliness, it's the only thing that still affects me from time to time since I've seemingly become unable to connect with others. If not for 2 people (an egoistic swede and a perverted kazakh) who I share a few sentences (and even more rarely play games with) here and there, I'd have no one but my parents that I'd talk to nowadays.

Anyways, I spend most of my free time indulging in different forms of escapism (mainly fantasizing/worldbuilding while listening to music in bed, vidya and watching shows/anime/content in general) and researching different topics though I also have an interest in the outdoors (mainly hiking, camping and urban exploring). Aside from all that I also like to cook, bake and brew (beer mainly). Also I'm currently in the process of learning leather working, gamedev and guitar (acoustic). Also also really into Pathfinder 1e, both it's world and system

Quite aimless in life so I just try and enjoy however much of it I can!

 

[Gangrel]

Helllooooooooo
25yo male Virolainen here. Used to be depressed, constantly stressed/anxious and of course suicidal but I've been out of that hole for a while now, did take more than half a dozen years of introspection though. I still think I'll become an hero at some point in the future but It'll most likely be because I just can't be bothered to live anymore rather than from sadness, loneliness or anything like that. Speaking of loneliness, it's the only thing that still affects me from time to time since I've seemingly become unable to connect with others. If not for 2 people (an egoistic swede and a perverted kazakh) who I share a few sentences (and even more rarely play games with) here and there, I'd have no one but my parents that I'd talk to nowadays.

Anyways, I spend most of my free time indulging in different forms of escapism (mainly fantasizing/worldbuilding while listening to music in bed, vidya and watching shows/anime/content in general) and researching different topics though I also have an interest in the outdoors (mainly hiking, camping and urban exploring). Aside from all that I also like to cook, bake and brew (beer mainly). Also I'm currently in the process of learning leather working, gamedev and guitar (acoustic). Also also really into Pathfinder 1e, both it's world and system

Quite aimless in life so I just try and enjoy however much of it I can!

Welcome friend, i see that you are no longer depressed, why are you here? not that you can't be, just asking

 

[Unlucky777]

Hello I'm fairly new here. I'm switching back and forth between wanting to go and wanting to stay but more leaning towards staying. Things have gotten better and are looking up.

I like listening to music, making music, playing chess and doing crossword puzzles, hiking, running.

 

[mimimisaki]

Hey everyone! 20 year old female here. Have been in and out of psychiatrists since my first attempt at 14, and ran through three of them until someone finally gave me a fucking diagnosis (melancholic MDD). Wasted all my teenage years just dealing with mental illness, always looking forward to college cause I somehow thought that would make things better. Spoiler alert: it didn't. Now instead of being a depressed highschooler, I'm a depressed medicine student trying not to throw myself off a fucking bridge :)

My main interests are music (HUGE MUSIC NERD!) and anime.
Nice to meet you all

 

[Unlucky777]

Hey everyone! 20 year old female here. Have been in and out of psychiatrists since my first attempt at 14, and ran through three of them until someone finally gave me a fucking diagnosis (melancholic MDD). Wasted all my teenage years just dealing with mental illness, always looking forward to college cause I somehow thought that would make things better. Spoiler alert: it didn't. Now instead of being a depressed highschooler, I'm a depressed medicine student trying not to throw myself off a fucking bridge :)

My main interests are music (HUGE MUSIC NERD!) and anime.
Nice to meet you all

Welcome to SaSu ! I'm in to music also, currently studying it.

 

[mimimisaki]

Welcome to SaSu ! I'm in to music also, currently studying it.

Omg rly??? That's awesome! I also have a couple friends studying it. Do you play any specific instrument?

 

[justanotherbody]

I'll throw mine in here, I guess.
I'm a 34 year old male. I draw, paint, play guitar, cook, bake, 3D model and animate, program, make video games, and write.

I've suffered from depression and severe anxiety since my teen years. Potentially undiagnosed autistic, absolute Misophoniac.
I was with a woman for 15 years, married for 9. We have two kids. March 2024, I discovered she'd had an affair.

I was willing to work through it with her. And things seemed to be going well. Four months later, I found out she never ended her affair when I came home to her in flagrante. I made an impulsive 2000+ mile road trip at 1 in the morning following that. I spent a week on the east coast of the US, working through things remote with my wife.

The night before I was supposed to leave for home, she told me not to bother. That she didn't want to see me and doesn't want me to come home. So I drove to a gun range and put a gun in my mouth. Other patrons intervened, police were called, I was taken to a hospital. Then I left there and checked into a crisis stabilization unit. Came home a week later and filed for divorce.

Been struggling with PTSD, grief, and attachment trauma with new relationships since.

 

[A_Spartan_Dead]

I think this is the right place...here goes:

Hello.
I'm 45 y.o. (soon to be 46) man that came to Australia when I was 11. It used to be great but now has become one of the most unaffordable places in the world.
I've done engineering, but have had interests in philosophy, gaming, writing/reading fiction, anime, d&d, mtg, comics, poker and probably a few others.
Life has unfortunately turned on me and fast fading. I've been caring for my mother with (now) stg4 cancer. When she passes I've been told I'll be getting kicked out from the public housing house we've lived in for 30 years, leaving me homeless with nowhere to go. I will have to throw out all the things my carpenter grandfather made for us (beds, etc) and spend any money I've saved doing it. I recently had to put down my boy cats (in pic) and give away their sisters due to the stupid Australia-wide city new council laws.
I'm unable to find a job due to the long absence from the workplace, and the high unemployment; media are not accurate.
My new doctor (about 3 years) isn't very good and simply tried to give me serotonin treatment, he doesn't seem to care. Suffering from undiagnosed autism, trauma, and anxiety with depression.

 

[OnceTheHappiestMan]

I've been some days around here but I haven't introduced myself properly.

45yo male. Been fantasizing with death since a child and dealing with depression since my late teens. It's been very intermittent, mixing years of good life with other of dark fall. Had a failed ctb attempt in my mid twenties due to my ignorance on methods. Some months ago I had a relapse and discovered this site looking for information to ensure that I don't fail again. But except when I'm at the deepest of my desperation I know I won't do it while my parents are alive so I suppose I'll be around for a while.

Something about me, among other things I like to collect old books and reading them, movies and playing (and sometimes making) video games.

 

[capitaldrunk]

Hi everyone! 21 year old male. I've been reading through many threads over the past few days after finding this website. I'm a little taken aback. Such resonance, catharsis. The free expression of feelings, situations, knowledge. The affinity. And all the kind words. I'm hoping to meet some of you, to find a chair in this community.

I've only recently realised how depression has bled through my younger years. I always thought it was just temperament, personality. There was an expectation that life would open up after high school, that the weight would be lifted. But how far liveliness can tumble.
I've been lucky to travel overseas, to live in the big bad Capital with a girl I loved dearly. But darkness of heart has never left my side. Now good days are few and sparse, bad days are impossibly low. And it's been a long low. People around me seem to think willpower can push a person through anything. But sometimes a person has hardly the strength to breathe. As of late, to ctb has felt like the only path. Ironically, reading through posts here has renewed some strength - Hello, fellow reincarnation-fearing comrades - If it weren't for family, this would be an easier decision. Still, I want to feel in control. I'm planning on buying some potassium nitrite and putting together a protocol. Come what may.

Undiagnosed bipolar two, OCD. Utopian melancholic. Software developer by day, music and film devotee at the midnight hour. Cambodian golden age rock is my fortress, Ros Serey Sothea is my queen. And much love for Teresa Teng, Joe Cocker, Ornella Vanoni, aand a hundred others.

Wishing peace to you all

 

[lumene]

hellooo ! 21 year old female from wales here. i've attempted twice within the last two years and struggled with various feelings of intense anxiety and periods of psychosis since i was a teenager, i'm not diagnosed with anything yet and am not really sure what's up but ive been getting support and have been medicated since a few months ago so i'm hoping to figure something out soon enough. its been suspected by counsellors that i have bpd or bipolar and im on the waiting list for an autism diagnosis. i tend to flip a lot on how i feel abt this stuff, whether i want to recover or not and whether i want to be happy and fulfilled or just comfortable wallowing to avoid the anxiety. this site seems pretty perfect for letting me explore this stuff.

my main interest is music. i can make music although my mental health has gotten in the way of me finishing anything as of yet, mostly i'm just interested in learning as much about music as i can. this applies to most artforms, i'm trying to learn about cinema and literature too. i tend to gravitate towards experimental music and 90s-00s electronic music. i honestly dont do much else at the moment, my ambitions are much greater than i can keep up with. i'd like to make a film some day, i'd like to learn piano, i'd like to learn to program better, i'd like to read more. there's a lot i'd like to do if i had the focus and willpower and that's the main reason i'd like to recover. at the moment i just tend to listen to a lot of music and watch a load of movies to keep distracted.

what i've already seen of this site has made me feel hopeful and comforted. i'm glad somewhere like this exists, i wish everyone the best, it's lovely to meet you all.

 

[leangenerator]

Hello!! Call me T :-3
I'm trying my best to stay. Thought this would be a good place to vent without being censored.

I like drawing, metal/dnb, rhythm games (and games in general…), and more that i cant remember >_<

Nice to meet you all!

hellooo ! 21 year old female from wales here. i've attempted twice within the last two years and struggled with various feelings of intense anxiety and periods of psychosis since i was a teenager, i'm not diagnosed with anything yet and am not really sure what's up but ive been getting support and have been medicated since a few months ago so i'm hoping to figure something out soon enough. its been suspected by counsellors that i have bpd or bipolar and im on the waiting list for an autism diagnosis. i tend to flip a lot on how i feel abt this stuff, whether i want to recover or not and whether i want to be happy and fulfilled or just comfortable wallowing to avoid the anxiety. this site seems pretty perfect for letting me explore this stuff.

my main interest is music. i can make music although my mental health has gotten in the way of me finishing anything as of yet, mostly i'm just interested in learning as much about music as i can. this applies to most artforms, i'm trying to learn about cinema and literature too. i tend to gravitate towards experimental music and 90s-00s electronic music. i honestly dont do much else at the moment, my ambitions are much greater than i can keep up with. i'd like to make a film some day, i'd like to learn piano, i'd like to learn to program better, i'd like to read more. there's a lot i'd like to do if i had the focus and willpower and that's the main reason i'd like to recover. at the moment i just tend to listen to a lot of music and watch a load of movies to keep distracted.

what i've already seen of this site has made me feel hopeful and comforted. i'm glad somewhere like this exists, i wish everyone the best, it's lovely to meet you all.

Good luck with everything!!! Id love to be moots hehe

 

[amor.dor]

Hello
I am from Brazil/Argentina, I am 29 years old. I like to write short stories and aphorisms, I like to play the guitar, I rarely play games on the computer, I travel a lot... and read various types of literature. I particularly like Greek and Chinese philosophy... I think that sums me up, I suppose.

 

[No_Body]

Hello I am Ear, used to go by MaggotBrain or some other dumb edgelord name

i'm 28 years old from the UK

i've been on this website since i was 23 years old, i think i'm now at that stage in my life where im considering this forum more seriously

i have nothing going in my life, im social recluse, stuck in my own little fantasies and dreams. i like video games, watching youtube videos, rotting in my bed

my life is ass

 

[descending]

Hi, I'm an early 40s male from the UK and born to Asian parents - need I say more? I've had suicidal thoughts since I was about 12 but have been overwhelmed for the past 18 months or so balancing full-time employment, my own marriage and caregiving for my parents in their 80s with declining health. Every day is a gigantic slog and I feel perpetually tired of it all. I like to play video games and listen to/make music.

 

[Heraskov]

Hi, I'm Heraskov. Despite the username, I'm not Russian or any other flavor of Slav, but I think the name sounds pleasant, so I decided to adopt it. To list some details, I reside in America, I'm a religious person (Eastern Orthodox Christian, OCA), and in my free time, I bake things for my friends and family, I listen primarily to folk and rap music (I enjoy NBA Youngboy's albums a lot), I love to write, and I like to play a variety of video games, both alone and with my friends. I'm in my last semester of high school and turned eighteen a few months ago. I'm not currently suicidal, but the topic of suicide certainly fascinates me, and I'd love to support and express love to folks if they ever need help talking about or recovering from the harsh troubles of our existence. May good fortune reach you all.

 

[shcizoseraphima]

hello everyone, my name is seraphima, im from the netherlands and im 22 :) i got diagnosed with schizophrenia and ptsd in 2022. i'd love to make a friend who is also schizophrenic, as it is a very lonely experience to live this life being completely misunderstood by people. ive been depressed since i was 9 and i completely lack the ability to enjoy almost anything, but i do get excited from listening to music, talking about life, deep subjects, etc. & i like playing roblox. music is my lifeline, it is the only way i feel somewhat understood(-: im deeply empathetic which has caused me to accept so much pain from other people, esp partners, that i really dont care abt anything anymore, like at all. i live with my ex whos never said one honest word to me, and im pretty sure my current partner hates me. anyway, im glad to be on here^_^ apologies if my english isnt very good at times, my alogia is pretty bad at times. oh, and my dms r always open if anyone needs a chat!! okiii, that is all :)

 

[amputatedandalone]

Hello all,

I am a 44yo that recently lost his left leg (and half my right foot) due to diabetes. I regret telling them to amputate my leg--I should have said "Save the leg or let me pass." I lost my job and health care during the lengthy recovery, and due to heart failure, I am not going to be walking much. I've kind of been a shut-in with few close friends and just cousins for family.... not that I want to live, but I have nobody willing to help. It doesn't help that I've been, you klnow, bipolar, and I popped my top on everyone that WOULD have helped me. I'm good at burning bridges, and now I just want to jump off one....

I am trying to figure out a way to ctb... it's kind of even tougher with one leg.

 

[idontliketalking]

hi,

I'm 21yo male from UK. My username says it all. I don't particularly like talking or socialising with people. I occasionally liked it in in the past, and involved myself with a couple friend groups, but in the past year I've been reclusive from all except my parents and boyfriend, and I haven't felt a shed of loneliness whatsoever. My boyfriend is unique because I can stay mostly silent around him.
I'm in bed most of the time nowadays, and do not value much in life anymore. In the past, I've valued certain things at particular points: minecraft, chess, philosophy, writing, traveling. I still value a type of music called Eurobeat.

ta-ta

 

[praythestars]

Hi folks, from the southeast US here, early 30s, female. I've had a rough life in general, and while I've been diagnosed with PTSD since I was 15 or so, I'm lucky enough that it doesn't seem to interfere with my daily life. That said, repeatedly having to make difficult choices and perpetually choosing to do right by others before myself has left me with absolutely nothing at this point. No family, no career, hell no job. Never even got my GED. At this point I'm just tired. It's a weird feeling. When I was younger and felt like I might end my life, it felt more...passionate? Or something, I'm not sure. Now it's just like "alright, this is going to happen I guess" it's strange. I just recently got out of the psych ward, yay I guess. See y'all around.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

i'm in my 20's and nonbinary (he/they). i attempted a few times recently, as well as a few times when i was little. i dont see another way out which is unfornate as i do also feel like i have things to live for sometimes. i am very lonely and exhausted though. i am neurodivergent, very introverted, and have anxiety and find it hard to talk to others, especially irl, because of those reasons. though sometimes i have liked talking to a few people. mostly i am too anxious to even leave my room.

i am a big fan of godzillla like my username says and i collect godzilla things. my favorite godzilla media is an obscure and unofficial adaptation that changed stuff/is it's own thing, so how i think of the character is sometimes quite different from how others do. i write fanfiction about godzilla sometimes though not as much anymore because i dont have much energy and also no one reads it anyway. i also like trains, ocean animals, discworld, pokemon and some other things.

 

[praythestars]

i'm in my 20's and nonbinary (he/they). i attempted a few times recently, as well as a few times when i was little. i dont see another way out which is unfornate as i do also feel like i have things to live for sometimes. i am very lonely and exhausted though. i am neurodivergent, very introverted, and have anxiety and find it hard to talk to others, especially irl, because of those reasons. though sometimes i have liked talking to a few people. mostly i am too anxious to even leave my room.

i am a big fan of godzillla like my username says and i collect godzilla things. my favorite godzilla media is an obscure and unofficial adaptation that changed stuff/is it's own thing, so how i think of the character is sometimes quite different from how others do. i write fanfiction about godzilla sometimes though not as much anymore because i dont have much energy and also no one reads it anyway. i also like trains, ocean animals, discworld, pokemon and some other things.

Hey there! I am also ND and enjoy ocean animals, I'm not so much into Godzilla but I enjoy Predator quite a bit. Not sure if it'd interest you, but I find watching ROV streams pretty fun, you can find them on youtube through Schmidt and Nautilus and a few other deep sea expedition group. There's plenty of recordings but usually someone is doing a live stream somewhere, most of the time. Welcome to the site :)

 

[deny_conformity]

Hi, I recently turned 42, not an age I thought I'd ever see since I've been a mix of actively and passively suicidal since I was about 13. I'm a cis-het male, so in some ways I'm societies favourite combination but I also have bipolar (type 2) and the suicidality that finds me here.

I have had several unsuccessful attempts and I think most people here can know the disappointment you feel when you "wake up".

Since my last attempt (which left me in a coma for a week) I'm actually receiving mental health care now and I'm hoping to either recover or die. Either is fine by me I just want to stop feeling like I want to die. My last care coordinator made me want to get better so I'm here to mostly vent, maybe help others, and find meaning. She said she'd be upset if I died (or attempted to CTB) and I like her so I don't want to upset her. She moved out of my life a few months ago and I would like to reconnect with her because she made me feel like recovery might be possible. We all have selfish reasons for sticking around.

I said in one of my first posts here that I don't know if I want to catch the bus, I just don't want to be waiting for it anymore.

 

[DarkJason]

I'm an 18-year-old guy from the US of A. I've been suicidal for several years now for countless reasons. I would say I'm pretty fucked in the head overall, mostly due to the soul-crushing loneliness and social isolation I've experienced throughout my life. It's hard to have a decent social life when you're autistic and have garbage social skills.

Pretty much all of my free time is spent playing video games (mostly single-player), listening to music, watching movies on my laptop, and being terminally online. I've basically given up all hope at this point. I'm pretty much just waiting to die, but it is nice to have a decent space to express my feelings while I'm still on this Earth.

 

[Lemonite]

I´m 32 year old male from France. I like just walking and reading. I have some metnal dificulties and i thought this might be safe.

 

[Catscratch]

Hi there.
I am a loser and useless man from asia.
I dont want to exist anymore...so i came this website
I love the 80s, and i also want to be a hikikomori, only video game and internet in a dark room.
I hope all the best for u. If u wanna talk, just text to me

 

[Forg]

Im 19M diagnosed with ASD, I like this forum because it is very peaceful compared to other places where toxicity abounds, I just want to feel safe where people are not hostile.
‎
‎‎I'm not really sure if I have an intellectual disability, but low intelligence coupled with humiliation has caused me to have suicidal thoughts since I was a child (although I doubt I will ever commit ctb, as I am very AFRAID, but I think I may be underestimating life, a bad day with the "right" circumstances could finish me off).

‎I don't really have any interests or hobbies unfortunately, I'm a blank page.
‎
‎I love sleeping, it's the only thing that makes me feel good. It's like dying, but without the fear.
‎

"Sorry for the incoherencies, I'm using a translator".

 

[DenseWoodsCadaver]

I don't want to use my real name, but you can call me Cadaver or Shitai. You can also use any pronouns, but I'm a cis female.
My english is quite bad since I'm from Eastern Europe, yeah, a pretty sad place to live in, hence why I'm on here (don't take this seriously)
I am a very miserable human being, negativistic, almost nihilistic. Everyday I wake up and feel an unimaginable dissapointment at the sole fact that I have to live another day. I struggle with self harm (cutting myself) since I was about 9, and with bad eating habits, whether it's over eating or starving myself. I isolate myself alot, and if I wasn't forced to go to school, I am convinced I would be a hikikomori (shut in). I don't have any friends (And I do not want any, I find communication extremely difficult) nor do I go out if it's not for school, and sometimes my psychiatrist.
I've been a lurker on forums and image boards like SaSu, uboachan, 4chan, konachan, zerochan, endchan, wizchan, etc. but I never really posted anything except for a few times, and I decided this is the easiest forum to navigate on (posting wise) because It's not entirely anon and I can actually track my stuff properly.
I like Yume Nikki and that's the part most people I know online can recognize me for )) I highly doubt anyone would search for more of me though.
But yeah, that's about it, if anyone has any questions, I'm free to answer, I'm very lonely.
Ahh, I forgot to say that I am diagnosed with generalized anxiety hah

Hi there.
I am a loser and useless man from asia.
I dont want to exist anymore...so i came this website
I love the 80s, and i also want to be a hikikomori, only video game and internet in a dark room.
I hope all the best for u. If u wanna talk, just text to me

What video games do you like ??????

 

[lakefish]

Hi, im Lakefish, im 28 and im currently analyst in insurance company. I hate my job and my life, and id ctb or go live in Alaska, if i could. I like fishing and playing retro PC games.

I want to help others and i hope others can help me. I hate world we live in and state of society.

 

[prompt_critical]

Hi,

I'm from Cambs in the UK and have suffered from BPD and multiple sclerosis for over a decade in and out of DBT therapy and basically tried every drug.

I'm 32 M and I have three kids, I am in a very unstable marriage as are all my relationships, friendships affairs etc. I'm starting to hate everyone.

Im so glad I found this place and the ironic thing is I probably wouldn't have if the UKs off brand CCP hadn't made so much noise banning it.

I almost CTB when I was 23 but just ended up comatose in ICU for a week (don't use pills kids lol). Tried hanging but backed out and got the crisis team hovering over me. I intend to use a ligature when the time comes.

You guys seem to see the world like no one else does and Im so grateful, and a lot less lonely.