Introduce yourself

[shadyjdz]

I came here because I've done everything I can think of to improve my health and I've not been able feel well.
I was a VoIP engineer for a very large fortune 500 company... and then I found crypto which lured me to quit my job and start researching the technology and its applications in relation to a potential startup.


But I had my thyroid removed around the time I started this new enterprise and I quickly became chronically hypothyroid. Eventually I developed Cushing's syndrome, it was treated and I "recovered." That is to say... there is no recovery for the cohort of Cushing's survivors that become plagued with autoimmune issues. Mast Cell Activation Syndrome... I tried EVERYTHING.

Fasting, One Meal a Day (OMAD), Carnivore diet, Every supplement you can think of, exercise, medications

The only thing that helped me want to live life was modafinil, ritalin and vyvanse. When I took those drugs I could read, I could write, I could think, I could solve problems. Without those drugs I couldn't do anything. I was already on Forfivo, the authorized generic of Wellbutrin XL

So I was exercising and being very careful and trying my best to recover. If I had to hold a job I would have gotten fired because I had so few days where I wasn't plagued with brain fog, memory issues, cognitive decline, confusion.

I also was STILL chronically hypothyroid. WTF... I was taking Tirosint-sol and liothyronine and still I couldn't get my TSH into range and I felt hypothyroid ALL THE TIME.

But this is what I did. For the auto immune issues I took:
Low dose naltrexone (LDN) at nighttime
Quercetin Phytosome
Nettle Leaf
PEA Palmitoylethanolamide
Ketone-IQ to assist with one meal a day. It enables you to skip meals. It gets you into ketosis, and it's cheaper than food.

For the chronic hypothyroidism I switched from morning dosing to bedtime dosing.
And for a while:
1. I wasn't hypothyroid
2. I wasn't constantly having a MCAS flare
3. I was getting work done

But life doesn't stop its merciless onslaught and no honest effort goes unpunished.
I had mold and it triggered insane MCAS flares for which there was no escape. My landlord had literally no clue how to kill it and everything she tried failed. I didn't have the strength to move. I had to move into a hotel.
Eventually I killed the mold (sporicidin and vital oxide although you really only need vital oxide)
But after 6 weeks of hell I started to have stomach issues. You can't take ketone IQ 2x daily every day for a year and not have some trouble.
And then more issues, and more issues, and more issues
An inescapable onslaught

And then I said, "I'm done... I don't want to do this anymore. I want out. I want off the ride. I want this to end. I will never be free from this hell ever again."

I tried everything. I really did my best to make a good effort. My reward? More hardship.

And now I'm here... and there's no search functionality for this site and to be honest I've gotta say it's really getting under my skin. I already feel like leaving because I'm told:
"hey don't waste people's time asking the same thing over and over again, use the search function idiot!"
And I'm like.... what?
Pulp Fiction – Confused Travolta meme

 

[bakenohana]

won't say much for now but you can call me zai im 18 yo guy i have ASD and i plan to ctb anytime within the next few years (i would just do it now however i have a few things i would like to do before i ctb). I'm a bit nervous about openly expressing myself and especially to such a large number of people but i hope soon I'll feel comfortable enough to do that. as for interests im not really sure, the only thing i can confidently say im interested in is a rhythm game (colorful stage/project sekai. I've seen a few profiles featuring characters, maybe some people on here even recognise the game lmao). i dont mind chatting but i cant guarantee I'll respond or engage for too long, I'm in the UK incase anyone wanted to know. If i ever had any chance of living a full life gender dysphoria and all my history with social services took that away from me long ago. I'm glad places like this exist and the image the media portrays of you all is honestly sad to see

 

[NameOfAction]

21, currently esciping reality via obsessing with all things Hamlet, og text included. Memorised "To be or not to be", memorising ACT II SCENE 2 (love)

Idk, I came here to meet people. Surely I'm not the only one thinking "I've nothing to lose now, might as well have fun". Idk, lets all meet up and ovethrow the govenmet or smt (jk, mostly).

All Miserable Sods, come hither, let us be merry in our dying moments

PM me all times of day or night, I've nothing better to do that reply

 

[piercedheart]

Hello there dearies.

You can call me Tara. I am a woman who's just reached her 30's, which is quite honestly completely terrifying.

I been on here for some years now, mostly to find the courage to finally ctb but after encouragement from the members here i've sought out proper help and have since been on the road to recovery and a better life. It's a long, slow and painful road, but I think I am doing well in walking it.

I have returned as I do still very much struggle with self-destructive behaviour, and I find comfort in knowing I am not alone. Plus it is nice to talk to people who feel or have felt the same way.

These days I try to help people, encourage them and hopefully act as a positive light whenever I can to pay it forward to those that did so for me.

I am a forensic pathologist, former mortician so I also try to dissuade people from ctb in a ways that would be miserable by providing information if I can. I know I cannot help everyone, but the least I can do is make sure they're not badly informed and walking into something that will suffer greatly from.

I am always here for everyone should you need someone to talk too, vent with, or simply a friend, I will gladly play a game with you if it helps you keep bad thoughts at bay even for a moment. <3

I love reading books, playing games, working out, I pole-dance as a hobby to stay fit(Please don't be weird about this), and I love music.


Please do have a lovely day.

 

[bobsacamano]

I came here because I've done everything I can think of to improve my health and I've not been able feel well.
I was a VoIP engineer for a very large fortune 500 company... and then I found crypto which lured me to quit my job and start researching the technology and its applications in relation to a potential startup.


But I had my thyroid removed around the time I started this new enterprise and I quickly became chronically hypothyroid. Eventually I developed Cushing's syndrome, it was treated and I "recovered." That is to say... there is no recovery for the cohort of Cushing's survivors that become plagued with autoimmune issues. Mast Cell Activation Syndrome... I tried EVERYTHING.

Fasting, One Meal a Day (OMAD), Carnivore diet, Every supplement you can think of, exercise, medications

The only thing that helped me want to live life was modafinil, ritalin and vyvanse. When I took those drugs I could read, I could write, I could think, I could solve problems. Without those drugs I couldn't do anything. I was already on Forfivo, the authorized generic of Wellbutrin XL

So I was exercising and being very careful and trying my best to recover. If I had to hold a job I would have gotten fired because I had so few days where I wasn't plagued with brain fog, memory issues, cognitive decline, confusion.

I also was STILL chronically hypothyroid. WTF... I was taking Tirosint-sol and liothyronine and still I couldn't get my TSH into range and I felt hypothyroid ALL THE TIME.

But this is what I did. For the auto immune issues I took:
Low dose naltrexone (LDN) at nighttime
Quercetin Phytosome
Nettle Leaf
PEA Palmitoylethanolamide
Ketone-IQ to assist with one meal a day. It enables you to skip meals. It gets you into ketosis, and it's cheaper than food.

For the chronic hypothyroidism I switched from morning dosing to bedtime dosing.
And for a while:
1. I wasn't hypothyroid
2. I wasn't constantly having a MCAS flare
3. I was getting work done

But life doesn't stop its merciless onslaught and no honest effort goes unpunished.
I had mold and it triggered insane MCAS flares for which there was no escape. My landlord had literally no clue how to kill it and everything she tried failed. I didn't have the strength to move. I had to move into a hotel.
Eventually I killed the mold (sporicidin and vital oxide although you really only need vital oxide)
But after 6 weeks of hell I started to have stomach issues. You can't take ketone IQ 2x daily every day for a year and not have some trouble.
And then more issues, and more issues, and more issues
An inescapable onslaught

And then I said, "I'm done... I don't want to do this anymore. I want out. I want off the ride. I want this to end. I will never be free from this hell ever again."

I tried everything. I really did my best to make a good effort. My reward? More hardship.

And now I'm here... and there's no search functionality for this site and to be honest I've gotta say it's really getting under my skin. I already feel like leaving because I'm told:
"hey don't waste people's time asking the same thing over and over again, use the search function idiot!"
And I'm like.... what?
Pulp Fiction –

I came here because I've done everything I can think of to improve my health and I've not been able feel well.
I was a VoIP engineer for a very large fortune 500 company... and then I found crypto which lured me to quit my job and start researching the technology and its applications in relation to a potential startup.


But I had my thyroid removed around the time I started this new enterprise and I quickly became chronically hypothyroid. Eventually I developed Cushing's syndrome, it was treated and I "recovered." That is to say... there is no recovery for the cohort of Cushing's survivors that become plagued with autoimmune issues. Mast Cell Activation Syndrome... I tried EVERYTHING.

Fasting, One Meal a Day (OMAD), Carnivore diet, Every supplement you can think of, exercise, medications

The only thing that helped me want to live life was modafinil, ritalin and vyvanse. When I took those drugs I could read, I could write, I could think, I could solve problems. Without those drugs I couldn't do anything. I was already on Forfivo, the authorized generic of Wellbutrin XL

So I was exercising and being very careful and trying my best to recover. If I had to hold a job I would have gotten fired because I had so few days where I wasn't plagued with brain fog, memory issues, cognitive decline, confusion.

I also was STILL chronically hypothyroid. WTF... I was taking Tirosint-sol and liothyronine and still I couldn't get my TSH into range and I felt hypothyroid ALL THE TIME.

But this is what I did. For the auto immune issues I took:
Low dose naltrexone (LDN) at nighttime
Quercetin Phytosome
Nettle Leaf
PEA Palmitoylethanolamide
Ketone-IQ to assist with one meal a day. It enables you to skip meals. It gets you into ketosis, and it's cheaper than food.

For the chronic hypothyroidism I switched from morning dosing to bedtime dosing.
And for a while:
1. I wasn't hypothyroid
2. I wasn't constantly having a MCAS flare
3. I was getting work done

But life doesn't stop its merciless onslaught and no honest effort goes unpunished.
I had mold and it triggered insane MCAS flares for which there was no escape. My landlord had literally no clue how to kill it and everything she tried failed. I didn't have the strength to move. I had to move into a hotel.
Eventually I killed the mold (sporicidin and vital oxide although you really only need vital oxide)
But after 6 weeks of hell I started to have stomach issues. You can't take ketone IQ 2x daily every day for a year and not have some trouble.
And then more issues, and more issues, and more issues
An inescapable onslaught

And then I said, "I'm done... I don't want to do this anymore. I want out. I want off the ride. I want this to end. I will never be free from this hell ever again."

I tried everything. I really did my best to make a good effort. My reward? More hardship.

And now I'm here... and there's no search functionality for this site and to be honest I've gotta say it's really getting under my skin. I already feel like leaving because I'm told:
"hey don't waste people's time asking the same thing over and over again, use the search function idiot!"
And I'm like.... what?
Pulp Fiction – Confused Travolta meme

Keep posting and commenting and the search will appear. Hang in there.

 

[walliwalli]

hi hi. i'll use the name wally on here. gender neutral pronouns preferred. i'm asian american and a student in my 20s. i've had depression my whole life and many rough periods of suicidal ideation, but the past few months have been the worst and led me here. i do not know if i will end up committing to a plan but lately i think about CTB nearly every day, so it seems more and more likely and i want to be here in case i seriously pursue it. if so i will probably CTB by the end of the semester.

i'm mainly here for practical resources but am open to casual chatting as well.

<3

 

[whywere]

hi hi. i'll use the name wally on here. gender neutral pronouns preferred. i'm asian american and a student in my 20s. i've had depression my whole life and many rough periods of suicidal ideation, but the past few months have been the worst and led me here. i do not know if i will end up committing to a plan but lately i think about CTB nearly every day, so it seems more and more likely and i want to be here in case i seriously pursue it. if so i will probably CTB by the end of the semester.

i'm mainly here for practical resources but am open to casual chatting as well.

<3

Nice to meet you. My real first name is Walter, so we are really family!

Have a great upcoming week filled with sunshine.

Walter

 

[glitterpvppy]

Hi I'm Riley and I bedrot 24/7 and desperately need friends. I've had mental health issues as long as I can remember. Severe social anxiety, depression, bpd, and anorexia. Im on here because my boyfriend broke up with me and now I have no future or will to live. No I don't want to hear that things will get better

 

[Honeybee]

Hello, you can call me Honeybee (or any variation.)

I'm 21 and I use they/them pronouns, or he/him when that's not possible. Some of my interests include music, art, video games, and dragons.

As for why I'm here, I've been living with major depression and PTSD since at least 5 years old (diagnosed at 12/14), and suicidal ideation since I was around 9. I've been diagnosed with inattentive ADHD, mild autism, unspecified anxiety disorder, and possibly borderline personality disorder (or C-PTSD), among other things. I've never had anyone I could openly talk to without the fear of being judged, threatened, yelled at, or forced, until I found SS.

After lurking for a few days, I finally decided to make an account and start posting myself. I hope I'm welcome here ^^

 

[flyingovertrees]

Hi all. Female, early 20s. I'm here for the same reason as many of you. I am chronically depressed, suicidal, and without a single person I can truly bare my soul to. I have no plans and no prospects, currently work full-time as a fast food flesh robot. Tried college but burnt out hard after a couple of years. Now I just exist aimlessly, unhappy with being alive but with too many strings attached to me to CTB without guilt. Mostly just looking for community.

 

[IAmElation]

Since my username change got approved…
Hey hey, I'm Griffith. Any pronouns!
I've recently relapsed into suicidal thoughts. This time is the last.
I'm just trying to have fun and start shit until I go out at this point. I like old anime and video games, I'm very spiritual and…that's basically it.
Let's be friends!

 

[GyreOfAsh]

Gender: Male
Height: 5'11
Weight: 155lbs
Age: 18-30
Body-fat Percentage: ~8-9%
TDEE: ~2,050-2,200cal/day
Favorite Films: The Expanse (Amazon Prime), Dredd (2012), Edge of Tomorrow (2014)
Issues: Cochlear Hyperacusis, Nervous System Dysregulation, Sibo/Sifo/IBS, Suboptimal Craniofacial structure, RAAS hypersensitivity, etc.
Philosophical Views: Determinism, Utilitarianism, Empiricism and Scientific Naturalism, Absurdism, Communitarianism, Moral Relativism, etc.
Ultimate Goal: Try to enjoy my life while I can & know to go when it's my time.

 

[legionary]

just joined here.
im 21 but i feel like ive lived and died many different times already, i know it might be annoying to see someone so young decide to go this route but ive experienced levels of despair that most people dont in their entire full lives.. and i feel terribly selfish and disgusting for saying that but i cannot deny it anymore.

this forum seems like the last place on earth that might harbor a tiny bit of hope for me, im looking forward to getting to know everyone.
after two decades of total apathy and neglect towards me i hope to be able to share a bond with people here, i love to give and be serviceful to other people.. i have a deep appreciation for other peoples souls but i just feel mine is rotten beyond repair.

my interests consist mostly of fiction, i love escaping into other worlds and thinking about my favorite characters and areas. im always down to talk movies/games/shows/etc.

 

[CuckoosInvisible]

Hello. 20s. I've been lurking for a couple years and have had suicidal thoughts since i was 10 or so; I'm guessing due to some form of emotional neglect? I'm not entirely sure. I like video games and philosophy, and I also like to gamedev (though i'm very inconsistent) and do art (though i haven't done a piece in months, which is especially upsetting to me :( ...).
I feel a strong disconnect from most people. Sometimes hatred, oftentimes indifference. I don't think I'm particularly miserable, but I have no interest in contributing to a world and society so fundamentally shitty on the long-term. I don't want marriage, I don't want kids, I don't want a career. Death is preferable to living through my 30s. Thank you for your time, everyone.

 

[j888]

hi! :)

im 18. im dead set on CTB, im hoping i can do it sometime this year or next year, if things go as planned. theres still some things i want to do in life and im scared of hurting people, but i hope i can work through that so ill be able to CTB in the near future

thats all, i hope i can make some friends here

 

[sadopal]

hi everyone,

i'm a female in my mid-20s. recently diagnosed with autism and have had ocd since i was a teenager. i'm not actively planning on ctb but i have in the past, and i'm tired of everyone around me telling me to be positive and believe that things will get better. i've been lurking on here for a while and it's nice to be part of a space where people have the same issues and are not constantly being bombarded with things like 'have hope' and 'things will get better'. i'm also very lonely and am hoping to meet like-minded people and make some friends:)

thanks to anyone who read this far:) lol

 

[Rogue_Gendarme]

I just realized I've not done this, and my acc. is 2 years old, lmao.

Hi, my name is Josh. I'm a student in the Philippines. I play guitar, I write poetry sometimes (and prose), and I'm heavily interested in politics and philosophy. What else? I'm probably considered "twinky" XD.

And I plan to CTB in mid-May or so, after Adele's birthday (which is also mine). See y'all until then! I hope to make some friends here, since just so many peeps here understand the struggles I also face

 

[Caspers]

Hey guys,

Noticed a lot of threads pop up with new members saying hey. To reduce clutter we have decided to make a welcome thread for everyone new to introduce themselves and for people to welcome them, basically merging all future welcome posts into this one.

With that said, welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, we're a pro-choice forum; make sure to read the rules and check the resource sticky out too!

Post your introductions here!

Hi, I left for a few years and am back. Not sure why I left and not sure why I came back but hi

 

[voidfluidoverdose]

Hiya, I'm Rot. Don't care what you call me, just don't call me a girl. Or, hell, do if you feel like being an asshole. No need for an identity soon enough.
I'm 20. Just old enough to remember what life is supposed to feel like while young enough that the majority of my existence won't be that.
My brain's fucked in all sorts of ways, which would be fine, if it weren't for everything else. Everything is so much all the time and it never stops. The most powerful people in the world also happen to be the most sadistic creatures you can imagine, and then some. And I'm supposed to, what, just finish college and get some job during this like nothing's wrong? Oh well. Nothing you haven't heard before.

 

[ormana]

Hey I'm Ormana, she/her, late 20s and F. I've been on SS for a while but only recently took the plunge to make an account and actually interact with threads & people

 

[notapartyboy]

Hey guys
I'm 25M. In my country or atleast in my city Covid rules were super strict and I was stuck. I was studying for some very hard exam, I kind of paused my studies and tried to resume when things get normal. I'm still waiting for that sign in 2020 where experts said it'll end in 3 months. But now it's 2026 world moved ahead me.
All i could do was cope using nicotine alcohol and sex work
I avoided people and situations because I had shame about i failed
Since everything was planned in my life where I would get to a stage then try to date and explore that side.
I'm about to be 26 and yet to hold hand of a girl
I'm basically overgrown 19 year old whose age and weight increased but is getting retarded partly because of not using my brain and partly the medicines that doctors gave me
I'm in therapy and psychiatric care since 2022 and everything only got worse
I reached out to the best doctors I could have best doctors money can buy. Best therapist money can buy. And I was always honest and things only got worse
I have a question for you who read this. Is there hope or is 27 too old for reference i always wanted to be on my 2nd child at this age but I'm overweight unattractive retard and nothing else

 

[emotion]

Hi,
I struggle with suicidal ideation and sometimes it flows over into planning...
I want to feel better though. But I've been like this for nearly 3 decades, so *shrugs* .

I'm in therapy but recently got a new therapist and the help/support I'm getting there feels subpar to what I used to get... and during the last session they got frustrated with me and told me that maybe I don't want to be helped :D
so I'm thinking about just doing work myself via workbooks etc.

I do want to get better, but for me suicide will always be an option. I just hope I can postpone it for another 60 or so years?

 

[elel37]

Hello!

I'm pretty new here wanted to say hi. I turn 22 in a couple of months, and will have been transitioning for about 3 years. In my freetime I really love to go bouldering and hiking, and even like to take photos (I took the photo in my pfp). Beyond that I love to play videogames, and do my best to keep up with my few friends. Lovely 2 meet you all!

I've started seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist recently, though I'm not loving it so far. Hoping to see it eventually help me improve, but I'm not too sure! For the time being, I just fill my time with whatever I can until I can confidently say my life is great or terrible enough to make a decision!

 

[DeoxygenDaydream]

Hihii,

I'm a 23 y/o trans girl, ~2 years HRT, in the eastern US. I'm an amateur artist, I painted my pfp, and find a lot of my inspiration from my feelings, especially my more impulsive and harmful ones. I work a well paying niche service job with many lovely coworkers, which doesn't make me feel great about my inclinations.

I found these forums a couple days ago when trying to do late research on how to ctb after already buying insufficient materials following an incredibly bad 3 months of mental health and constant misfortune, and now I'm at a loss. It's been incredibly defeating having to rethink how to ctb but I'm also finding it in me to live again so I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I'm really quite drawn to just how open everyone here is and the discussions surrounding ctb, it seems like a sweet little community despite what brings us here.

 

[tiokapaws]

Haiii !!! Im Tioka!
Im 18 yrs old and im based in europe. I've been chronically suicidal for nearly half of my life which kinda #sucks but we ball. I think about ctb often, and have attempted before, but I'm currently trying to find some means to keep going (even if my mind will try to make me do the opposite but i will deal with that again when it comes)

I think its super cool how we can all just come as ourselves here and not be super constrained when talking about the things affecting our lives.

Anyways, I really like drawing, writing (im an ao3 warrior and it's lowkey a huge reason on why i havent ctb yet lmao) and reading as well as watching anime and reading manga.

It's very nice to meet you all!

 

[Inquietum_Initium]

26 F
Survived my first attempt and just got released from my 2nd admission into psychiatric hospital care.

Currently studying to be a forensic anthropologist.
Interests: art, guitar, paranormal, death, biology, games

My PM's are open for anyone who wants to chat.

 

[marcelinevampqueen]

hallo
i'm marcy
i'm from new england
i'm have depression, anxiety, adhd
i suspect i have some bpd and/or ocd
i like history, anthropology, i like all kinds of art, music, movies, video games, witchcraft, i love reading, and i like 2 smoke weed every day.
i have a black cat named ymir
i think abt CTB almost constantly.
nice 2 meet u X3

 

[Good night]

Hiho~~.

Elena here, a 30-year-old trans woman.
I recently realized that I haven't been depressed my whole life. No, as a child, I was different: cheerful, smiling, carefree... Today I have become the complete opposite; I am quite cold and distant, as well as sullen. I have been taking refuge in my room for many years now: the world scares me, and I scare the world.

At first, I found it curious to discover this site; now it reassures me to know that I'm not alone in many things, that I'm not an alien or a weirdo, just someone with problems.

My problem with my tastes and interests is that I get obsessed with something for a few days and then get bored with it quickly. But I like playing some games (right now I'm into Albion and Pokémon Go). I played the piano when I was little, and it's something I want to take up again. I like tinkering with technological stuff even though I'm not very good at it.

I don't know, if anyone wants to chat or whatever, we're here from time to time~~. Nice to meet you. :)

 

[ThunderBringer]

Hi, I'm ThunderBringer or Rowan. I'm 19, I'm a guy (he/him), and I'm bisexual with a girlfriend.
I have Depression, BPD, and OCD. I'm here because I've been drawn to the idea of suicide since before I could comprehend what the concept of death is. Suicide is a magnet and I'm a fridge. I've been in therapy, been on all kinds of medication, and I've recently been to a mental hospital.

I love all the generic nerd stuff, comics, anime, gym, books, d&d, and video games I listen to all kinds of music but rock and metal will always be my favourite. I also ride a motorcycle now so that's pretty sick.
I'm pretty alone in terms of family, so I'm independent and financially responsible for myself.

It'd be great to talk to someone who understands my mind. I have to play the roll of an upbeat happy hero in my normal life most of the time and that is unbelievably exhausting. Lmk if anyone wants to get on discord or anything.

I play video games like marvel rivals (I'm a Spider-Man main but I swear I'm good), dead by daylight, balder's gate 3, Fortnite, and Roblox but I'm open to more stuff

 

[horseshoefalls]

Helloo! <3 I go by Cane, but you can call me whatever you'd like, I'm freshly 18, cisgender, and my pronouns are She/Her. I'm canadian but my background is polish/ukrainian along with a mixture of some other random shit.

I'm completely undiagnosed right now because I've only done therapy a couple times then just gave up.

I love art-related things, like drawing animals and humans, crafting animal masks or other stupid crafts, etc. I like watching anime and movies but don't watch neither a lot. My favorite anime is Jujutsu Kaisen, and my favorite movie is Donnie Darko! I'm alternative and like dressing in all different types of styles and listening to random ass music. I enjoy reading A03 and ocasionally read books like Wings of Fire, aswell.

I've been on dumbass platforms like shedtwt, suicidetwt, goretwt, and drugtwt.

There's a lot of other stuff to include, but I don't want anyone I know linking this account to me so that's ittt!