Discussion If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?

[natsuobun]

Want to hear from you guys

 

[tomatoplant123]

Meeting people I wish I never met that ruined my life for the worse just to make fail

 

[sanctionme93]

Being born, I have fucked up genetics that just give me chronic illnesses and make my life hell.

 

[rainatthebusstop]

I would love to have been born normal. No anxiety, depression or neurodivergence, I want to have been born the blandest, most agreeable person imaginable

 

[kopebaldy]

My birth.

No matter what I do I'll arrive at the same place I'm currently at anyway. Might as well not being born in the first place.

Many people would benefit greatly without me in their lives.

 

[esfagrregergaegfawe]

definetly being autistic. if i was not autistic then people wouldn't have treated me like garbage my whole life and i wouldn't be in this position

 

[astroproto]

My birth.

No matter what I do I'll arrive at the same place I'm currently at anyway. Might as well not being born in the first place.

Many people would benefit greatly without me in their lives.

Same. Feels like there's too much stuff wrong with me that one thing wouldn't even be enough to make me tolerable.

I don't really like saying it because it feels like I'm just passing accountability but I sometimes wonder how I would've turned out if I had healthy communication with my parents, they're good people and I'm lucky enough that they never really abused me. But then again, my brother turned out fine so it's probably just me. I don't know how a normal family somehow managed to bring out someone like me.

 

[boredandoverboard]

My lack of will. Or my faculties inability to produce any of it.

 

[deeprootdisease]

having a better family that understands me and doesn't hurt me every single time we meet

 

[FuneralCry]

I'd choose to erase it as all I want is peace, I just wish to be unconscious for all eternity of the torturous, dreadful mistake of existence, I want it to be like I never suffered in this cruel, futile and deeply undesirable existence at all, for me existence really is always the problem and I'd never wish for any of this, I just want to be gone, I just wish for no more pain and no more suffering, for me only non-existence could ever be positive and I'll always prefer to not exist than be burdened with this painful existence that just causes harm and suffering.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Decisions I made in the past. Cowardly, dishonorable choices that made me the walking dead. I could have respected myself.

 

[dearlydeparted44]

Nothing. I wouldn't change a thing. My life wasn't perfect. I was abused most of my childhood. I've been isolated from groups most of my life. However, I overcame a lot. I got to do a lot, despite life trying to beat me down. I overcame my abusive mother and elevated past my negligent father. I escaped that shitty small town that my family tried to trap me in. I ended up experiencing things that my bullies never did get to experience. I got to experience things that I don't think I was supposed to have experienced. I willed a lot of things into being for myself, for better or worse. I felt what it was like to fall in love. I felt what it was like to make a ton of money. I felt what it was like to be VIP somewhere. I've traveled and seen a lot of the world. I've pulled myself from dark places many times. I've experienced amazing sex with beautiful women. I eaten delicious, exotic foods in many countries.

I experienced a lot of cool things born out of a curiosity for life that was shaped by an abusive childhood where my only escape from it was my imagination. As painful as my youth was, it helped to shape my desire to flee and jump into life with both feet. It made me fearless in many ways. It made me greet life with a zest and love that I thought would be matched by life. Sure, I would've loved to have a loving family. I would've loved to be accepted by my peers, and to have met and married a girl I loved in high school. However, those things weren't possible, given the circumstances life put me in. To sit and imagine what could've been only serves to invalidate my struggles and triumphs that I had in this life.

I'm leaving this life with few regrets. Yeah, I wish I would've really pursued art as a real career instead of listening to people who had never done what I was trying to do. I wish I could've had a simpler life. A job that paid me enough to own land and a house, take care of a beautiful wife and children, and do the things I want to do. However, no matter how good my personal life would've been, this world would've still arrived at this moment in time we're in now. Donald Trump would still have been elected. Climate crises would still be happening and ignored. The coming wars and collapses would still be happening. I'd just have more of a stake in this life, and more to lose when it all falls apart. So, sitting here fantasizing just makes me sad, because it makes me feel like I didn't do enough. And that's not true.

I did the best I could, given how far my development, support, and resources had brought me. I don't think I could've played my hand much better than I already did. So, I wouldn't change anything. In the end, I made a lot of chicken salad out of chicken shit. And I'm damned proud of myself for that. I leave this earth in peace, knowing I gave this shit my all.

 

[mjolnir]

The way I deal with pain.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Decisions I made in the past. Cowardly, dishonorable choices that made me the walking dead. I could have respected myself.

Hegel sez history starts with a duel over honor. I wish I had held my head high and lived by, "death before dishonor." I revealed myself to be a natural slave. I did not act in accordance with dignity.

 

[badatparties]

Decisions I made in the past. Cowardly, dishonorable choices that made me the walking dead. I could have respected myself.

This, I made a few decisions that are very hard to live with now, and there's no going back.

 

[Macedonian1987]

I would change 2 things in my life. I would make my chronic pain go away and i would like not to have my asperger's. Without these 2 things i would be able to have a normal life and not be suicidal.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

asperger's

I seem to be mildly autistic, nothing crazy. Always been a little off in normal social situations but I used to fit in with male nerds. Little success with women despite good looks and physique, especially when I had hair.

It definitely makes it easier to withdraw into "the cockpit." The only reality is in my head, so if things are messed up outside, no biggie. This kind of thinking is a mistake.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

i can't undo being born. i was forced to be born alive here in this hell prison world to be a slave as imo most were also.

i can't undo decades of culture society programming my brain with destructive time wasting habits and lies.

but if i could just do a few very simple acts. take a drink and sit still quiet let myself fall asleep or shoot myself i could undo that evil imposition , get out of the worst trap, and undo all that brainwashing of my brain

having the ability to drink a poison and stay still and quiet not let my si trick me momentarily into calling the ER hospital.

then being able to shoot myself

It boggles my mind one simple physical act by my hands and body can undo all these hells

One moment of courage

 

[itsgone2]

I had a chance 14 years ago. A wake up call and a second chance at life. Mostly wasted it. So many poor decisions. Was too dumb to realize. I know that's all a bit vague. But just a lifetime of poor decision making. Again I had a chance to course correct. Now I just want it all to end.

 

[kopebaldy]

Same. Feels like there's too much stuff wrong with me that one thing wouldn't even be enough to make me tolerable.

I don't really like saying it because it feels like I'm just passing accountability but I sometimes wonder how I would've turned out if I had healthy communication with my parents, they're good people and I'm lucky enough that they never really abused me. But then again, my brother turned out fine so it's probably just me. I don't know how a normal family somehow managed to bring out someone like me.

This is uncanny.

I'm in the same situation, can't communicate with family, parents are decent people, successful brother.

It really makes you think that you're the problem all along huh?

 

[torturedmind]

If I could change anything about my life, I would choose to not have such persistent depression. I feel like I could have accomplished so much if I never had such debilitating mental health struggles.

 

[martyrdom]

Undo something that happened to me

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I'd want good health (or at least decent health)—and also less anxiety.

 

[Feldsparc]

Decisions I made in the past. Cowardly, dishonorable choices that made me the walking dead. I could have respected myself.

I feel the same. I allowed myself to be disrespected and lost all my respect because of it

 

[needtodienow]

I would love to have been born normal. No anxiety, depression or neurodivergence, I want to have been born the blandest, most agreeable person imaginable

I feel that....

If I could change anything about my life, I would choose to not have such persistent depression. I feel like I could have accomplished so much if I never had such debilitating mental health struggles.

Same. It makes life's challenges bleed you dry unlike normal people...

 

[violetforever]

i really just want to have been born into a loving happy family free of any abuse or not have been born at all.

 

[gottagorightnow]

Would've had a different mother entirely. One who was nurturing and loving instead of cold and narcissistic

 

[chaoschuckler]

I shouldn't have tried to die by starvation during the COVID pandemic. There are things with my brain that need to change, but I can't say for sure because I have never visited a doctor, so I don't know what disorders I might have.

 

[HeyBoogahJr]

Want to hear from you guys

Having a mutual relationship with someone. What about you?

 

[The Eternal One]

Nothing. I wouldn't change a thing. My life wasn't perfect. I was abused most of my childhood. I've been isolated from groups most of my life. However, I overcame a lot. I got to do a lot, despite life trying to beat me down.

Amen to that, friend! What a wonderful long post, thank you so much for writing this.
Originally I wanted to express similar sentiment of not regretting anything, despite all the trauma, childhood abuse, terrible living circumstances and my suicidal ideation, but you put it to words better than I ever could.