former forum user J
defunct account, working on recovery
- Jun 22, 2023
- 48
TL:DR : A self-indulgent, narrcasistic ideation / relapse on how I would kill myself. Please do not take any inspiration from anything here, theres so many good things to come for you. Do not tell me if you do take inspiration from this. , I'll just block you right away.
1 - I would plan a trip to Switzerland. 2 weeks. Autumn time. Clean out room before I go.
2 - I would hitchhike to Silis Maria where Nietzsche lived.
3 - I would stay a week in Nietzsche's House - hiking daily for a week and thinking about my decision. Make sure to go drinking at a local bar atleast once to see if any people could give me a reason to live. Not sure about mentioning specific plans as whole goal of this is to make it like an Accident.
4 - take one last big mountain biking trip.
5 - maybe do some DMT to see if I could help myself.
6 - on the few days of the trip I would call my parents and family and tell them about my planned hike for that day.
I would "drop" my phone into the toilet. Delete any of my writings or notes accordingly. Delete all social media or traces of myself from the Internet. Remember to delete Mega upload account of journal writings. This posts defo needs deleting lmao. Sleep cos this is going to be an emotional tiring process.
Write a letter to myself apologising, and burn it. Maybe sleep after that too.
Have a nice breakfast. Maybe order the whole menu for fun.
Leave a nice tip for a receptionist, or server who seems like they need it.
7 - I would hike up the mountain.
I would bring with me a tent, water, cigarettes, chicken broth in a flask, tea, some food, water, notepad, MP3 player, a coin and a Bible. A really nice ($100+) whisky for warmth and taste.
No intoxicants should be brought as I do not wish to die impulsively.
8 - I would find already determined spot on mountain. I would set up camp near by, read the bible (isiah and ephesians) and think about my decision. I would probably take a swim in the lake too.
9 - I would flip the coin. The coin flip doesn't determine my death or life. Eg if I choose heads. If I choose heads and it lands, I see how I feel about the outcome. If I feel afraid or still wish to live, I will spend the rest of the night on the mountain smoking, journaling and listening to music. Nice whisky too.
I will repeat this for 3 days.
10 - If I do decide to die:
I will make a large rock pile near my tent. This gives more time to make sure I am sure.
I will leave my Bible on maybe Isiah 58 or maybe a passage on condemnation (haha).
11 - I will pour some water on the rocks below the drop to make it slippery. Puts some rocks on the ledge to make it uneven. I.E efforts to make it seem like an Accident.
I will smoke one more time. I will flip the coin one more time, but the outcome doesn't really matter. Pray.
11- "slip" across the edge. This will be painful but is the only way I can think of to make it seem like an accident.
12 - accept the eternal suffering that awaits dickheads and those who commit suicide like me in hell.
Lol wrote this with my family near me lol.
1 - I would plan a trip to Switzerland. 2 weeks. Autumn time. Clean out room before I go.
2 - I would hitchhike to Silis Maria where Nietzsche lived.
3 - I would stay a week in Nietzsche's House - hiking daily for a week and thinking about my decision. Make sure to go drinking at a local bar atleast once to see if any people could give me a reason to live. Not sure about mentioning specific plans as whole goal of this is to make it like an Accident.
4 - take one last big mountain biking trip.
5 - maybe do some DMT to see if I could help myself.
6 - on the few days of the trip I would call my parents and family and tell them about my planned hike for that day.
I would "drop" my phone into the toilet. Delete any of my writings or notes accordingly. Delete all social media or traces of myself from the Internet. Remember to delete Mega upload account of journal writings. This posts defo needs deleting lmao. Sleep cos this is going to be an emotional tiring process.
Write a letter to myself apologising, and burn it. Maybe sleep after that too.
Have a nice breakfast. Maybe order the whole menu for fun.
Leave a nice tip for a receptionist, or server who seems like they need it.
7 - I would hike up the mountain.
I would bring with me a tent, water, cigarettes, chicken broth in a flask, tea, some food, water, notepad, MP3 player, a coin and a Bible. A really nice ($100+) whisky for warmth and taste.
No intoxicants should be brought as I do not wish to die impulsively.
8 - I would find already determined spot on mountain. I would set up camp near by, read the bible (isiah and ephesians) and think about my decision. I would probably take a swim in the lake too.
9 - I would flip the coin. The coin flip doesn't determine my death or life. Eg if I choose heads. If I choose heads and it lands, I see how I feel about the outcome. If I feel afraid or still wish to live, I will spend the rest of the night on the mountain smoking, journaling and listening to music. Nice whisky too.
I will repeat this for 3 days.
10 - If I do decide to die:
I will make a large rock pile near my tent. This gives more time to make sure I am sure.
I will leave my Bible on maybe Isiah 58 or maybe a passage on condemnation (haha).
11 - I will pour some water on the rocks below the drop to make it slippery. Puts some rocks on the ledge to make it uneven. I.E efforts to make it seem like an Accident.
I will smoke one more time. I will flip the coin one more time, but the outcome doesn't really matter. Pray.
11- "slip" across the edge. This will be painful but is the only way I can think of to make it seem like an accident.
12 - accept the eternal suffering that awaits dickheads and those who commit suicide like me in hell.
Lol wrote this with my family near me lol.
