"I'd miss you"

[LonelyPrince]

These words aren't comforting in the slightest.
They just add onto the guilt.
Create new shackles.

I think I'm starting to slowly wither away with time.
No matter what they say, words won't be enough to help me.
Concrete actions might, but nobody seems to care enough about intervening.

It's easy to just spew positive nonsense isn't it?
I've overdosed on paracetamol impulsively, waiting to feel something, anything, even my liver failing.

I feel at peace with the idea of being slowly taken out.
All I do is sleep. Sleep imitates death in a way. I don't want to live my days waiting for nothing at this point.

"It's just a dark moment of your life, you will get out of there"
Years, it's been years. Easy for you to say. You have friends, family and support. What do I have of those things? Nothing.

 

[scordatura]

Hey, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I am concerned for you.

Have you took paracetamol today already? Depending on how much you've took, I would encourage you to go to hospital, some people don't get any symptoms I hear, but if you start throwing up, I would encourage you to get help. Paracetamol if it kills you (which it very likely won't) would kill you days down the line after it's completely fucked up your liver. I was tempted to OD them today as well, just for the self harm aspect of it. But I'm about to burn myself instead.

You obviously don't need to listen to me. I'm sorry you felt the need to do that.

 

[LonelyPrince]

Hey, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I am concerned for you.

Have you took paracetamol today already? Depending on how much you've took, I would encourage you to go to hospital, some people don't get any symptoms I hear, but if you start throwing up, I would encourage you to get help. Paracetamol if it kills you (which it very likely won't) would kill you days down the line after it's completely fucked up your liver. I was tempted to OD them today as well, just for the self harm aspect of it. But I'm about to burn myself instead.

You obviously don't need to listen to me. I'm sorry you felt the need to do that.

I've taken 3000 mg yesterday evening. I show no symptoms nor know if this is enough to do any actual damage. I just took the first thing i could lay my hands on.
Wouldn't be taken seriously at the hospital anyway. Wouldn't even know what to say

 

[scordatura]

I've taken 3000 mg yesterday evening. I show no symptoms nor know if this is enough to do any actual damage. I just took the first thing i could lay my hands on.
Wouldn't be taken seriously at the hospital anyway. Wouldn't even know what to say

Yeah I get you, health services always act like they don't care. I hope you don't take anymore though, even if it's just for pain!

 

[a4001]

It really is just negative reinforcement to ensure ppl stay against their wishes. It's a childs view on how depression works, like if you've got enough social pressure on you it'll fix the underlying problems

 

[Dejected 55]

Besides the guilt factor they may be trying to lay on you by saying that... it also falls on deaf ears to me... because IF they truly would "miss" me when I was gone, then why are they so disinterested otherwise while I'm here?

People neglect people all the time... then pretend like it matters when they are gone. If you didn't appreciate someone while they were alive, your "missing" them when they are gone is purely selfish and not at all about the loss of the other person.

 

[LonelyPrince]

Besides the guilt factor they may be trying to lay on you by saying that... it also falls on deaf ears to me... because IF they truly would "miss" me when I was gone, then why are they so disinterested otherwise while I'm here?

People neglect people all the time... then pretend like it matters when they are gone. If you didn't appreciate someone while they were alive, your "missing" them when they are gone is purely selfish and not at all about the loss of the other person.

Exactly.

 

[LonelyPrince]

I've been trying to recover on and off but it takes nothing to make me fall back.
Can't even do the most simple things like fixing a sleep schedule.
Can't even go outside to my dog because as soon as I undress to change clothes and look at myself in the mirror I want to rip my flesh off.

And I go back to the blade.
Honestly, I don't think anything is going to work. My last chance is telling my psychologist I have the means to kill myself.

I'm tired of this body. I'm tired of this life. I'm tired of these people.
I'm tired of this world.
I never asked for any of this. I know that my identity will be completely demolished after I kill myself, that's why I can't even ctb in peace.
The substance is in my cart.
I just need to buy it.

I've been trying to recover on and off but it takes nothing to make me fall back.
Can't even do the most simple things like fixing a sleep schedule.
Can't even go outside to my dog because as soon as I undress to change clothes and look at myself in the mirror I want to rip my flesh off.

And I go back to the blade.
Honestly, I don't think anything is going to work. My last chance is telling my psychologist I have the means to kill myself.

I'm tired of this body. I'm tired of this life. I'm tired of these people.
I'm tired of this world.
I never asked for any of this. I know that my identity will be completely demolished after I kill myself, that's why I can't even ctb in peace.
The substance is in my cart.
I just need to buy it.

Recovery is a fucking illusion. I'll just keep getting worse and worse.
I'll start to look even more throughtly to ctb methods, perhaps I can actually make my mind up and just do it.
No one can help me anyway. All people do is give empty encouragement without extending a hand out and helping you up.
I'm sick of everyone. I'm sick of all of you.
I never got to live a life without abuse.