Venting I wish my mind would shut up

[SmallRedHawk]

My mind has constantly been plagued by thoughts and obsessions about someone I am experiencing limerence for. Every waking moment I am reminded that they don't love me the way I wish they would, and my brain creates fantasies that I obsessively indulge in.

I don't even want to be with this person, logically. I think it's connected to my OCD. I can't stop thinking about them; even during sleep I dream of them. I can't enjoy anything in my life anymore because my mood completely depends on how much attention they give me. I tried and tried to distance myself from these thoughts, to recover, but I relapsed and then relapsed again. It's an endless cycle. I'm so tired, I just want it to end. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I'm too scared to kill myself.

 

[Gotheru]

I don't know if what I'll describe is limerence, but I have a crush on a guy who has rejected me several times, he's autistic and I'm aware he's into me though, that's why I'd like to persuade him over and over again, so I've refused to move on and meet other men because in the bottom from my broken heart I have the feeling he'll be forgiving and I'll have another chance to express what I feel for him (love) and he'll get it and we'll love each other and… anyways; from time to time I relate to what you are going through and of course it hurts, it's an unpleasant experience because the more your crush rejects you, the worse your irreducible feelings (AKA obsessions and self-referential thinking… you start to see a lot of "signs" and other patterns that trigger your junkie state) are. To me this is exactly what a withdrawal state, and when a junkie can overcome this state… so… you might take overly aggressive life threatening choices and commit suicide, self-harm, etcetera.

 

[SmallRedHawk]

I don't know if what I'll describe is limerence, but I have a crush on a guy who has rejected me several times, he's autistic and I'm aware he's into me though, that's why I'd like to persuade him over and over again, so I've refused to move on and meet other men because in the bottom from my broken heart I have the feeling he'll be forgiving and I'll have another chance to express what I feel for him (love) and he'll get it and we'll love each other and… anyways; from time to time I relate to what you are going through and of course it hurts, it's an unpleasant experience because the more your crush rejects you, the worse your irreducible feelings (AKA obsessions and self-referential thinking… you start to see a lot of "signs" and other patterns that trigger your junkie state) are. To me this is exactly what a withdrawal state, and when a junkie can overcome this state… so… you might take overly aggressive life threatening choices and commit suicide, self-harm, etcetera.

It does feel just like an addiction, and it's so hard to get over. It feels like some of the worst mental pain I have ever had in my life, even worse than when I have attempted in the past, but now I am less suicidal (or maybe more scared of suicide), so I have no escape. I wish I could move to a new country and start a new life, but that's not viable in this economy, and this same obsession will probably just transfer to somebody new.