I want help but I don't want to be stopped

[MenheraMahouShoujo]

I desperately want someone to help me but the thought of losing the ability to ctb is scary!!! I also really don't want to go alone but again sharing that thought with someone is scary. One day I want someone to read my mind and and bring it up for me </3
It's weird but I truly can't imagine myself dying without a partner or witness.

 

[Save_Me_Mind]

同じ。
I feel the same way, it is a truly terrifying possible outcome, one that cannot be risked..
I too desire to depart with another or at least have the comfort of someone being by my side.
What would you need in order to be helped?

 

[MenheraMahouShoujo]

同じ。
I feel the same way, it is a truly terrifying possible outcome, one that cannot be risked..
I too desire to depart with another or at least have the comfort of someone being by my side.
What would you need in order to be helped?

Maybe help isn't the right word. I just need something, but I really don't know what I need… maybe I just need someone who can tell me what I need ╮(ᵕ—ᴗ—)╭

 

[Save_Me_Mind]

Maybe help isn't the right word. I just need something, but I really don't know what I need… maybe I just need someone who can tell me what I need ╮(ᵕ—ᴗ—)╭

I understand, if you ever need someone to talk to, I can offer any assistance needed.
Are you able to still maintain daily tasks, or has been that been hindered by your current state? (ｰ_ｰ;)…

 

[MenheraMahouShoujo]

I understand, if you ever need someone to talk to, I can offer any assistance needed.
Are you able to still maintain daily tasks, or has been that been hindered by your current state? (ｰ_ｰ;)…

Thank you.
Overall I don't really do anything other than using my phone. I'm lucky to have family that can support me but the most I do is make a meal sometimes.. My typical daily screen time 13h(*ﾟｰﾟ)ゞ

 

[Save_Me_Mind]

もちろん、いつでも！
I'm glad you have a supportive family, that will be of great help.

 

[fadedghost]

Are you saying you want help with life (like a therapist who won't stop you if you want to ctb) or help with suicide? I don't understand from what you wrote.

 

[MenheraMahouShoujo]

Are you saying you want help with life (like a therapist who won't stop you if you want to ctb) or help with suicide? I don't understand from what you wrote.

Honestly either one. I've been in therapy for a while and haven't made much progress. I just need a solution/something to move towards in life. My life just feels like it's frozen and going to fast at the same time. Sorry about confusing wording. I don't usually write long posts..

 

[emptyshells]

If your life could look like anything, what would it look like?
Like, if you could snap your fingers and have your dream life, what would that be?

 

[fadedghost]

Honestly either one. I've been in therapy for a while and haven't made much progress. I just need a solution/something to move towards in life. My life just feels like it's frozen and going to fast at the same time. Sorry about confusing wording. I don't usually write long posts..

I think you can't confide in someone that you are suicidal without the risk of being locked up in a facility for some period of time, usually until you lie (due to extreme psychological pain of confinement) and say you are okay.

The reality is it is extremely distressing for people around you to know that you are suicidal. It makes people worried. The best you can do (if hospitalization is not okay) if you are suicidal and want to chat is AI using Tor, which will have a hard time tracking the chats to you, and then discussing other things with the therapist that don't involve suicide. This would not be recommended by most mental health professionals, who would suggest to call 988, become hospitalized, and stay there until discharged.

Therapists are really great at listening to your emotions, empathizing, and waiting for you to have epiphanies or realizations, even if it takes a long time, and often at a very large cost. I really think it's an exploitative model, designed just as much to extract value from patients slowly without alienating them as to help the patient, which almost seems incidental.

There are also life coaches that focus on real-work practical things, like dating, exercise, getting a job, improving your social life, helping you find what makes you happy, etc.

You could always see about a life coach.

 

[cakedog]

If your life could look like anything, what would it look like?
Like, if you could snap your fingers and have your dream life, what would that be?

i think this is the best way to approach it
you have to picture what your dream life would look like, it will give you a better idea of what you have to start doing to achieve it and the process will give your life some temporary meaning

My typical daily screen time 13h(*ﾟｰﾟ)ゞ

maybe you're just bored? do you have any interests or hobbies?