I miss the peace when i thought i was about to die

[limitededitiongirl]

It was 6 years ago now my first real attempt that i thought could have worked. I got a bunch of sleeping pills and one night i finally decided to take them, i was crying before it a lot, but once i took them it was so peaceful. I thought that was it, and it was okay for like 30 seconds, no noise in my head, no more life, I don't remember what happened after that. I woke up in the morning, apparently i vomited it up, didn't even need to go to the hospital, my parents just thought i was sick. Ever since then i miss that feeling of peace.

 

[itsgone2]

Have you tried again since then?
Sometimes I feel peace when knowing I'll do it. Then i remember how scared I am to try and it's like starting this nightmare all over again.

 

[sulvumnolo]

The opposite of that is the feeling of failing to follow thro, feeling completely stuck in this life against your will.

 

[limitededitiongirl]

Have you tried again since then?
Sometimes I feel peace when knowing I'll do it. Then i remember how scared I am to try and it's like starting this nightmare all over again.

Yeah one time, it was peaceful too, lying in the grass and bleeding out, that was my last attempt because life sort of got better after that one, but now i think i need to try again

 

[lotus.dead]

what pills did you take and how many? im going to attempt later by sleeping pills but I'm scared they won't be enough.

 

[SwissHoliday]

It was 6 years ago now my first real attempt that i thought could have worked. I got a bunch of sleeping pills and one night i finally decided to take them, i was crying before it a lot, but once i took them it was so peaceful. I thought that was it, and it was okay for like 30 seconds, no noise in my head, no more life, I don't remember what happened after that. I woke up in the morning, apparently i vomited it up, didn't even need to go to the hospital, my parents just thought i was sick. Ever since then i miss that feeling of peace.

I've been chasing that same feeling for years. I keep wondering if there's a space between what "life" is on the day to day and the end of it. Somewhere I can finally just give up, without having to cope with this intense "what if I'm wrong" thing. Def a war. But I understand perfectly what you mean. There is a moment when it all seems lost and finally about to happen where I just...surrender. And it's fantastic. Everything just stops hurting and nothing matters, or doesn't. Peace. Yes. I just can't get past the "what if I'm wrong" and "what if that's not actually what death itself is like".

 

[Dejected 55]

The opposite of that is the feeling of failing to follow thro, feeling completely stuck in this life against your will.

Yeah... I was proud of myself for making a plan and seeing it through... but then when it failed, I was left so distraught and devastated to still be here. It drained me in ways I didn't know I could be drained further. To be so miserable in life and to not even be able to escape that either... can't even fully give up... it's torture on top of torture.

 

[JimmyDean90125]

I wish I even had a plan at all. It's even worse because I don't live alone and I don't have an out