Venting I Made a Mistake

[darkandtwisty]

I made a mistake and chose to make a big change. I moved out of my apartment, quit my job, and moved halfway across the country with a man who claimed to love me.... problem is he lied.
I was going to end it but said I'd give it one last chance. Now I have nothing and I am isolated. 1200 miles from home with an unfaithful piece of shit for a "boyfriend" of almost three years. His response to cheating: because I am a man and because I can.
So, now I no longer have access to my method and no funds to get a new one. Just 2000mg of primidone from a last attempt and 30mg of oxycodone. We all know attempting to OD is typically not effective, but I have nothing left to lose. Hell, maybe it'll get me away from him at least.
**Update**
Found my "boyfriend's" gun... it's an option I didn't want because after the abuse I endured in my marriage, I didn't want to go out violently if I could avoid it. After I confronted him, he hid the gun but left in the bedroom. Took the bullets out but put them in his nightstand. So he left both pieces in the room in a sad attempt to hide it. If he really gave a fuck, he would've kept it on his person. Or not cheated to begin with.
The whole thing is a joke to him and he said it's not even that big of a deal. He laughed at me and then fell asleep on the couch. Knowing he hurt me. I took a chance, a leap of faith and had hope because I felt safe with him. Now it's gone. I lost everything.... because I loved and trusted him.

 

[hopeless302]

don't do it OP. I know it hurts being cheated on, and enduring all the lies and abuse, but don't give him the satisfaction. Is there any way to go back home and leave his cheating self behind?

 

[darkandtwisty]

I don't know. I have no money, no job, and nowhere to live. No family or friends here. We just moved here last week. I left everything 1200 miles behind.
I found a strong cord and redid my slipknot. I moved everything of his to the spare bedroom last night and this morning he's acting like nothing happened.

 

[hopeless302]

I don't know. I have no money, no job, and nowhere to live. No family or friends here. We just moved here last week. I left everything 1200 miles behind.
I found a strong cord and redid my slipknot. I moved everything of his to the spare bedroom last night and this morning he's acting like nothing happened.

would family/friends back home be willing to hep fund your move back? It might be embarrassing to ask, but I think you should give yourself a chance to escape from this.

 

[BlockedintheUK]

@darkandtwisty Wait a moment please. You can contact your embassy they may be able to help also you can contact Domestic abuse charities for help. Hell even posting on a Reddit for the city / town / country you are in may attract a lot of people who want to help.

Even a quick reddit post on your cities subreddit may get you offers of help.

Also swallowing your pride and asking friends or family is better than swallowing a bullet.

I think you should exhaust all options before dying. If you die he will probably use your death for attention validation and sympathy.

 

[darkandtwisty]

Unfortunately I am still here. I want to do it. I'm scared of what awaits me in the after life. But it has to be better than feeling like complete shit. Losing everything for nothing.

would family/friends back home be willing to hep fund your move back? It might be embarrassing to ask, but I think you should give yourself a chance to escape from this.

I contacted my family and all they said is they wish I had thought things through better. They offered no assistance. Not even housing if I came back.

 

[Implicit_Submission]

i'm so sorry op. you are not at fault for taking a leap of faith with someone you thought you could trust only to find out you've been manipulated. absolute garbage, the ones who do this to others. somehow hopefully you can find a way to leave this person behind. i know it feels isolating and it's tempting to do something drastic right now but please don't.

 

[darkandtwisty]

I want to leave. I do. For damn near three years, he's been the love of my life. Even though he's shown previously that trusting him isn't possible. It's not cheating unless he puts his dick into another woman so the sexting and porn is not classified as being unfaithful. According to him. That removes any accountability.
Feeling like you're not enough for the person you love, the rejection, is a pain I don't wish on another person. Then the lack of support from family.
I have nothing left. Fuck, my self worth and pride, all that I had, is now non existent. If my balls where as big as my tits, I'd be long gone. I'm holding on but only moments at a time.

 

[lpdsvm]

Before CTB, I would check my old contacts again from many years ago (anyone I worked with before etc) and ask people if they could help me with a new start. If they value my skills and respect me etc they would definitely help with anything to put me back on my feet. I would do it mechanically like an autopilot without hoping for anything. I would apply for some jobs even if I am not qualified. Nothing to lose anyway. I would just go anywhere. There are people that leave countries with pocket money. like 100-500 bucks. Russians do it. I am Russian (and it sucks) - I do not want to be called Russian. It is bad. I don't want to be related to them. No Russian can renounce their citizenship if they have no backup citizenship.

I am not sure if it makes sense but even the smartest people get fooled (their ideas get stolen and they go broke while those awful people get richer).
You know I had a similar thing during the lockdown; in a foreign country I was walking everywhere looking for a job and no one could give me one during the lockdown. I tried but I think since I am not qualified enough and have a weak passport I failed to find good clients or jobs.

Moreover, when I was looking for one they could have thought I wanted something well-paid not just a random worker and carwash guy. I could try harder by meeting people in person but I gave up and waited for the lockdown to be over after doing it for a few weeks. If something happens again I will give myself a week or two before I have no money for rent. They see the fact but their views are not fixed on foreigners doing manual labor jobs ahaha.

Try to expand your network somehow. Network is everything and it hurts me that I cannot have it.

Maybe he watched a lot of Andrew Tate videos where he preaches cheating is normal and needed. I don't know. He talks about having a few partners for real so... .

 

[deadngoresurgery]

I made a mistake and chose to make a big change. I moved out of my apartment, quit my job, and moved halfway across the country with a man who claimed to love me.... problem is he lied.
I was going to end it but said I'd give it one last chance. Now I have nothing and I am isolated. 1200 miles from home with an unfaithful piece of shit for a "boyfriend" of almost three years. His response to cheating: because I am a man and because I can.
So, now I no longer have access to my method and no funds to get a new one. Just 2000mg of primidone from a last attempt and 30mg of oxycodone. We all know attempting to OD is typically not effective, but I have nothing left to lose. Hell, maybe it'll get me away from him at least.
**Update**
Found my "boyfriend's" gun... it's an option I didn't want because after the abuse I endured in my marriage, I didn't want to go out violently if I could avoid it. After I confronted him, he hid the gun but left in the bedroom. Took the bullets out but put them in his nightstand. So he left both pieces in the room in a sad attempt to hide it. If he really gave a fuck, he would've kept it on his person. Or not cheated to begin with.
The whole thing is a joke to him and he said it's not even that big of a deal. He laughed at me and then fell asleep on the couch. Knowing he hurt me. I took a chance, a leap of faith and had hope because I felt safe with him. Now it's gone. I lost everything.... because I loved and trusted him.
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im so sorry this happened to you. what he did was super fucked up, trust me. he is a piece of shit. none of this is your fault. i just hope you dont suffer anymore. ill be sending you hugs :)