I jumped 8 stories

[fightclub17]

How likely is it that you will lose your leg? It's confusing to me because you jumped but unless you got an infection I don't know why they would amputate your leg, I know people who's legs don't work but they keep them.

It did get infected, and sometimes due to complications bones don't unify. Two main reasons for amputation.

 

[wine is fine but]

It did get infected, and sometimes due to complications bones don't unify. Two main reasons for amputation.

if you do not mind me asking, and you can most certainly ignore this, but
have most of the operations been on your leg(s)

 

[MyUniqueUsername]

I jumped 8 stories and survived. I woke up after a week coma, spent 3 months in hospital/rehab. I have life altering injures and scars. Everyone asks me what happened to me. I'm a walking (barely) failure and my trauma is visible, and will be for the rest of my life! I have lost friends and family. My reputation is tainted. I can't work. My husband wants a divorce. I've been forced to move into my parent's house and they physically abused me last night. I wish I fucking died!!!

Hopefully sharing my story stops someone from considering jumping as their method.

Has this changed your look on life?
You still wanna ctb or did anything change?

Did you feel regret while falling or something?

 

[fightclub17]

if you do not mind me asking, and you can most certainly ignore this, but
have most of the operations been on your leg(s)

Yeah ten operations on my leg(s) and still counting...

Has this changed your look on life?
You still wanna ctb or did anything change?

Did you feel regret while falling or something?

I did feel regret while falling. But unlike other methods, you can't do anything about it.

Originally when the hospital fixed my akathisia and insomnia I was so grateful to have a second chance at life (even with a broken body). But as time has gone on I'm starting to realise how deeply traumatised I really am. I have PTSD - reoccuring flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, confusion, panic attacks, anxiety and depression. Life feels more fragile and frightening. I'm scared to be alone, because when I'm alone I'm with the person who tried to kill me. I've also gone through multiple layers of loss and stressers since. I won't bore you with the details, but I am 100% worse off than before this event... I am unrecognisable. My life split into before and after. Is post traumatic growth possible after such a catastrophe? Can one really rebuild safety within themselves again? I've tried medicine and I've tried therapy... I just don't see it yet...

 

[wine is fine but]

Yeah ten operations on my leg(s) and still counting...

one leg is worse i assume - the side with the shattered knee and dislocated elbow

was it 3 years ago or 1?

sorry if the questions are invasive - you have suffered enough already without idiots asking you silly questions :)

 

[Pryras]

I was going to try jumping in 3 days. Off the bridge. I'm so sorry you are going through this!!!! People don't understand the amount the hell someone has to be in to consider jumping and actually doing it. I felt temporarily better when I tried Molly and got my hands on ketamine but I can't do this forever.

 

[fightclub17]

one leg is worse i assume - the side with the shattered knee and dislocated elbow

was it 3 years ago or 1?

sorry if the questions are invasive - you have suffered enough already without idiots asking you silly questions :)

Yeah my other leg wasn't damaged by the fall, but it's been the skin/muscle/bone marrow donor leg.

It's been a year.

I was going to try jumping in 3 days. Off the bridge. I'm so sorry you are going through this!!!! People don't understand the amount the hell someone has to be in to consider jumping and actually doing it. I felt temporarily better when I tried Molly and got my hands on ketamine but I can't do this forever.

I would highly recommend against this. It's not something I sat on, it's not worth the risk.

 

[wine is fine but]

Yeah my other leg wasn't damaged by the fall, but it's been the skin/muscle/bone marrow donor leg.

It's been a year.

wow, that many operations in a year . . . life has been so cruel to you

i assume the 3 years written off includes the insomnia, or do you expect another 2 years of horror

i am so sorry for you; no one should have to go through what you have

 

[fightclub17]

wow, that many operations in a year . . . life has been so cruel to you

i assume the 3 years written off includes the insomnia, or do you expect another 2 years of horror

i am so sorry for you; no one should have to go through what you have

It's approximately 2 more years of being in this cage/rehabilitation. That's IF my leg even does heal - imagine going through 3 years of being in a cage just to have your leg chopped off. I shake in fear at the thought. I'm over it.

 

[Pryras]

When did you decide to jump? Was it in the moment or did you plan it? Also was this during the day? I can't imagine jumping from something like a building only water seems plausible to me since I don't have that level of courage

Did you feel the pain when you hit or after you woke up? Your story is sincerely painful to read it's awful what you went through

 

[wine is fine but]

imagine going through 3 years of being in a cage just to have your leg chopped off. I shake in fear at the thought. I'm over it.

i could not imagine it

i think everyone would be shaking in fear at the thought - the constant operations are more than enough to make someone shake in fear

you are so brave, but even bravery can only help you so much . . . i am sure everyone else here is thinking of you and hoping for the best for you as i am. hopefully we can send some positive chi power your way to help you through this. virtual hugs probably aren't doing much, but there are plenty of them being sent your way. hopefully some of them have hit their target

sorry about the questions - i read your post where you said you had written 3 years off, and then you said it was one year ago. 11 operations over 3 years is so many, but 11 in 1 would normally seem unbelievable

 

[fightclub17]

When did you decide to jump? Was it in the moment or did you plan it? Also was this during the day? I can't imagine jumping from something like a building only water seems plausible to me since I don't have that level of courage

Did you feel the pain when you hit or after you woke up? Your story is sincerely painful to read it's awful what you went through

I decided on the day. And yes it was during broad daylight... there was no one around. I didn't feel pain upon impact but when I saw my leg hanging by a thread and bone sticking out I screamed and lost consciousness. The pain while in hospital and now is immense.

 

[wine is fine but]

I'm scared to be alone, because when I'm alone I'm with the person who tried to kill me

i realise that your mind cannot believe this at present, and maybe never will
but you were not the one who tried to kill you. it was incompetent medical staff/system who do not care about helping people, and the medication you were on. you said, you never had any suicidal thoughts before your tragedy, so it wasn't "you" who chose to jump, but it is you who paid the price. even if you choose to try some other method, you will most likely put plans in place for something that will not fail. i pretty much do not know you at all, but you do not seem to be a "monster" who tried to hurt yourself. for sure, choosing another method might scare the crap out of you too, but you probably will not do that without a whole lot of thought and consideration to make sure it is the best decision for yourself

you cannot heal unless you make peace with yourself. yours is one case where, if what you have told us is true (and i am not doubting it, just not peeing in your pocket), then you were not to blame. circumstances gave you virtually no choice in the matter and most probably clouded your potential judgement in the actual attempt

 

[FadingSnowFake]

You must be in so much pain, truly sorry for everything that happened and what is happening now. I'm glad you are part of this community where we can share what we cannot share irl. You are strong for having gone through so much and you are in my thoughts. Sending love.

 

[11April]

A very sad story. Jumping from a height is a really bad method. I'm sorry it happened. I hope you find peace, one way or another.

 

[fightclub17]

you cannot heal unless you make peace with yourself.

Thank you for saying that and for taking the time to write it out. I know you're trying to help me see it with more compassion, and that means a lot.

I'm still struggling with a lot of guilt and shame about everything that happened. My mind keeps going back and forth between blaming myself and trying to understand how things got so out of control. It's hard to reconcile that with the person I was before all of this.

But hearing someone say I'm not a 'monster' and that I deserve some understanding does help more than you probably realise. It's just hard when everyone's turned against me. I'm trying to learn how to make peace with myself, it's such a stigmatised thing that I feel alienated from society. Truly, people on this forum are so empathic, it just sucks I didn't get that irl.

If I ever ctb again, which sadly I am considering - it will be thoroughly researched.

You must be in so much pain, truly sorry for everything that happened and what is happening now. I'm glad you are part of this community where we can share what we cannot share irl. You are strong for having gone through so much and you are in my thoughts. Sending love.

Thank you sm. I am in chronic physical and mental anguish. People on this forum are absolute angels ️

A very sad story. Jumping from a height is a really bad method. I'm sorry it happened. I hope you find peace, one way or another.

Horrible method. SO STUPID.

 

[wine is fine but]

Thank you for saying that and for taking the time to write it out. I know you're trying to help me see it with more compassion, and that means a lot

you are welcome. hopefully it can help you feel better, even, if just a for a second or two. also thank you for your replies. they fill my eyes with tears, but the courage you have shown to keep replying to randoms makes you even more of an inspiration

I'm still struggling with a lot of guilt and shame about everything that happened. My mind keeps going back and forth between blaming myself and trying to understand how things got so out of control. It's hard to reconcile that with the person I was before all of this

that is totally understandable. the human brain, while being an awesome piece of engineering, like anything can be a double edged sword. it can be amazing and help us through anything, yet it has a horrible habit of going from positive to negative and back again, but sadly, once it knows about the negative zone, it is hard to stop it from re-entering it. any ridiculous little thing can trigger it, but your situation would be like having it chained fully in the depths of negative. sadly, being a person who would never had looked at this forum before, to how you are now makes it so much more difficult to reconcile. the emotional roller coaster would be over whelming, however, you were not to blame, and i know that means virtually nothing to you, due to the physical and mental anguish you feel, plus the fact the human mind dwells on the negative, but hopefully one day your mind can somehow start heading over into the positive thought side

But hearing someone say I'm not a 'monster' and that I deserve some understanding does help more than you probably realise. It's just hard when everyone's turned against me. I'm trying to learn how to make peace with myself, it's such a stigmatised thing that I feel alienated from society. Truly, people on this forum are so empathic, it just sucks I didn't get that irl

i hope so, because "you" did not do it to yourself. no one deserves what you are going through, even if it was self inflicted, but you did not inflict your injuries onto yourself. in your situation, if you had killed someone else instead of jumping, the law most probably would not have held you accountable, so hopefully you can come to truly believe that it was not your fault

i am not going to bombard your in box, but if you wish to have someone to talk to, you can pm me. it is a pity that we cannot take turns to accompany you to your rehabilitation sessions, just to let you know that you are not alone. hopefully you can somehow sense this and it makes your situation just a little less negative