I feel alone and I just want a way out

[spookyjar]

It's been tiring trying to find reliable methods that are accessible to me, I'm sick of the life I live, I want to be free. I'm tortured by my own mind every day, and it drives me crazy. I can't help but feel relief when I think of CTB, it lets me believe that there is a way out where I'm guaranteed to not feel as drained as I always am.

I have pills that aren't a recommended method, but I'm so desperate. I have railroad tracks close by, I just want to lie down and let a few seconds of fear take my lifelong pain away. I've grown distanced from what few friends I have, but they wouldn't be able to help if I were to tell them just how suicidal I feel anyways. I don't want to burden those around me with the constant negativity that surrounds me.

The holidays are depressing for me, I look around and see people enjoying time with their family, having fun, and feeling the holiday spirit. I envy it, I wish I had people around me so I could at least distract myself and pretend like I'm having fun, too.

 

[justanotherfailure]

Loneliness sucks. I hope you find friends who genuinely care about you and want to see you get better. You're not a burden; you a simply a human, and that's hard sometimes but finding a truly happy life is just as hard. Be careful trying to ctb with pills, you might just end up making your life even worse. I wish you luck and peace no matter what you decide to do with your life