Venting I don't know if I want to die

[Sadbanana]

For a long time there have been a pattern for me. Which is to complain about not having access to certain methods. If I had access to if there were tall enough buildings nearby... pentobarbital... If I could afford euthanisia...

But I have both access to sn and hanging. I disregarded these methods as too painful.

But to be honest that's not the reason I didn't use them. I don't care about some pain. I'm just too uncomfortable with dying and this was my way of coping.

I think the rational part of doesn't care as much about dying, but the emotional does. So even though I know with certainty that it would be better for me if I died, I will always subconsciously find ways to avoid it.

I assume one needs to really use all willpower to get past this survival instinct and stop bullshiting.

 

[paradoxperception]

I can't offer advice, but I feel this way too.

Especially after reading about the methods and how most of them don't work...

 

[Aflame5926]

For a long time there have been a pattern for me. Which is to complain about not having access to certain methods. If I had access to if there were tall enough buildings nearby... pentobarbital... If I could afford euthanisia...

But I have both access to sn and hanging. I disregarded these methods as too painful.

But to be honest that's not the reason I didn't use them. I don't care about some pain. I'm just too uncomfortable with dying and this was my way of coping.

I think the rational part of doesn't care as much about dying, but the emotional does. So even though I know with certainty that it would be better for me if I died, I will always subconsciously find ways to avoid it.

I assume one needs to really use all willpower to get past this survival instinct and stop bullshiting.

ya not the only one. pain is for me a factor to say no it. its basicly having standards on how you would want to go.
if only pentobarbital was avaible jesus this forum would be dead (pun intended)

 

[fedup1982]

Their are all kinds of SI. And everyone seems to have a slightly different combination of SI holding them back.

Some SI can be overcome, some can't.

Sometimes SI is a sign you shouldn't CTB, other times it's just biology doing its thing and is to be overcome.

In short, your mileage may vary because all these things are different for everyone

 

[Defatigatis]

I believe that nobody really wants to die.. we consider this option because is the best we can see to end our suffering.
I didn't want to die either. If I had what I desired in this world, I could endure life and even be happy. But I realized that unfortunately things only happen if we take action, whether in life or in death.

 

[SoverignDreamer97]

To be honest, I don't either; when I rebuilt my backup dream tincture, it was a means of controlling the only variable I could, which if I did that, it might give me a chance at living.

Problem is... as much as I desire to please, I cannot please everyone, and can only control what I'm able. Therefore, if I die, I die; though my father, mother, and even the whole world forsake me, the Lord will bring me up. (Esther 4:11, Psalm 27:10)