how the fuck do you find the motivation and the courage for suicide?

[liesabouthelp]

i seriously need to kill myself. but im too numb to even be able to imagine killing myself. no one will be surprised once i kill myself. not a single doctor, psychologist, "friend", family member, no one. but suicide is too scary, and the "support system" has made me too "comfortable". i tried leaving it, didnt help. what the fuck do i do

 

[jram]

I feel the same, these are probably the only reasons why I am still alive.

 

[ireallywasnttogopls]

its far from easy

suicide is probably one of the most couragest acts a human can do, it goes against our nature, our body's one and only goal is to survive

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

It's incredibly difficult practically. The mental difficulty I think flows from that. I think most of us could accept a "go to sleep and don't wake up" death by drugs if it were certain.

 

[Ligottian]

If I knew I wouldn't be reading this post.

 

[a4001]

Preparation, desperation, and intoxication.

 

[abdullahucmak]

i feel you no one would be surprised about my suicide

 

[dragon.//]

its far from easy

suicide is probably one of the most couragest acts a human can do, it goes against our nature, our body's one and only goal is to survive

People who call suicide "the easy way out" really have no idea what they're talking about

 

[Bruce]

The motivation? Ha! Are there reasons NOT to kill oneself? As for courage, maybe try to think about it as little as possible and once you took that last step make it so you can't step back.

 

[Tired_birth_1967]

There is no answer to that. Not scientifically. Neuroscience is based on measurements, observations, tests, and experiments. In individuals with suicidal tendencies, it is practically impossible to exhaustively measure "everything" involved – genetics, individual history, neurochemical nuances at the moment, and how they interconnect with the socio-emotional context. Result: only the individual themselves will know whether or not they can succeed. I believe that the more it depends on individual interaction, the greater the difficulty will be. People who couldn't do it alone have already ordered their own death. That is, they knew what they wanted, they weren't afraid to die, they just couldn't overcome the SI device.

 

[orchismantid]

People who call suicide "the easy way out" really have no idea what they're talking about

some people just do it on impulse and get lucky and die right away. wish that was me tbh

 

[eggsausagerice]

but suicide is too scary, and the "support system" has made me too "comfortable". i tried leaving it, didnt help. what the fuck do i do

people don't get motivated to die is something i've realized. you just need to have a life that you're willing to leave behind because it makes you feel incredibly miserable or alone. a lot of suicidal ideation comes from despair and hopelessness rather than the actual will to go through with killing yourself. it's not necessary to leave your support system, but that does lead people to killing themselves more because they don't have anyone they can depend on besides themselves. i think you should meditate on your reasons to kill yourself and look at your day to day from the perspective of "how long can i survive this?" rather than "why can't i kill myself?". everyone has different tipping points and reasons that may get worse over time.

 

[jimmyinnout]

jonestown

 

[eggsausagerice]

jonestown

lol. it's crazy to know the people that didn't want to drink the kool aid had guns pointed at them. you pretty much had to drink it

 

[deathisapanacea]

i seriously need to kill myself. but im too numb to even be able to imagine killing myself. no one will be surprised once i kill myself. not a single doctor, psychologist, "friend", family member, no one. but suicide is too scary, and the "support system" has made me too "comfortable". i tried leaving it, didnt help. what the fuck do i do

I am at the exact same place my friend. If you do manage to get out of this trap, let us know.

 

[tomame]

i find it much harder to find the courage to live.

the hopeless pain motivate me greatly on ending things

 

[metfan647]

The simple answer is you don't find the motivation to do it. When the real urge and desire is present, we'll all find that motivation.

 

[liesabouthelp]

I am at the exact same place my friend. If you do manage to get out of this trap, let us know.

there is no way out. and we were never prepared for this kind of a situation. you had no idea for your whole childhood/youth that things could get this bad. and when things got bad, you got suicidal, you found comfort in the thought of dying. so for the most of your developmental years, you couldnt comprehend the idea at all that there is no escape. so now that youre slowly realizing it, it makes everything even more torturous. were all just so damn unprepared for the idea that life could be literal inescapeable hell.

 

[dontwakemeup]

It's never an easy decision. For me, on attempt days, I had a small but of pure happiness to think I would never be here again. Scared if anything was on the otherside, is there a hell? I guess when I thought it over, the decision to go outweighed the life I was currently living in. But nothing was ever easy deciding to actually do it!

 

[itsgone2]

. were all just so damn unprepared for the idea that life could be literal inescapeable hell.

This is so true. SI holds us back but our entire upbringing is about life being great. At least for us here I'd imagine. I feel so stupid for not just knowing it but there's also no warning that life can get this bad. You're right and it's maddening how did I not do everything to prevent this???

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

people don't get motivated to die is something i've realized. you just need to have a life that you're willing to leave behind because it makes you feel incredibly miserable or alone. a lot of suicidal ideation comes from despair and hopelessness rather than the actual will to go through with killing yourself.

I am having a huge courage problem. Hanging is a JOKE. It hurts WAY too much and I can't commit to it. I know a gun is the only way out but I just sit and ideate instead of going to buy one. I MUST find the guts to go put on a smile at the sporting goods store and buy a shotgun.

Edit: this is just insane. Why can't I control myself? I know I'm just going to sit at home waiting to feel better. Nothing makes me feel better but ideation. I get dumber every day. I can't imagine turning around my shameful man-child life. I'm horrified by so many decisions I've made and so many things I've said. How can I possibly summon up the optimism to do menial work pushing 40, with no social or romantic life? I have lived so foolishly.

 

[jenson]

I keep trying to tell myself things will get better but they never do. That combined with just getting what I need. I am an ICU nurse so I have access to everything I need but its still effort. I'm literally so depressed that I lack the energy to even ctb.

 

[Ratzusu]

You can't. People have two goals, survive, and once surviving, then reproduce. You are going against natural instinct.

 

[Terrible_Life]

Once I start thinking I am trapped. My si would even accept me living as a slave as long as I won't ctb.
Rationality leaves me at some point and then it's just the same frustrating process thinking and thinking until i get exhausted then go to sleep wake up and wonder why I don't make progress with my ctb plan.
I think the best thing we could do would be of course to make one final deep thinking process where we look at our life and then tell ourselves that we want to ctb and from that point on we give this conclusion power by saying to ourself whenever we wanna think again that we already debated and made our decision.
From that point we should only to the practical part until the end .

You can't. People have two goals, survive, and once surviving, then reproduce. You are going against natural instinct.

What's the reason for reproducing when a person is completely damaged and would just open the path for a sad painful horrible life for an innocent little child? I wish so much that not everyone could just bring a child to this world but instead that there were strict rules but no unfortunately even the dumbest most aggressive fully damaged toxic scum can make children and that is truly a very sad thing .

 

[violetforever]

i had it a few days ago but today i went out and my day hasnt been terrible so i dont have it anymore. it will come back like always. i know that feeling and mindset i have to be in to do it.

 

[DeadManLiving]

The intent and trauma/pressure has to be there first along with the means on hand. Then it's just a holding pattern until a substantially life-changing shock that bolts one over the edge. Almost happens automatically if set up right.

 

[DeathWish3301]

I keep trying to tell myself things will get better but they never do. That combined with just getting what I need. I am an ICU nurse so I have access to everything I need but its still effort. I'm literally so depressed that I lack the energy to even ctb.

Hi, @jenson

Being an ICU R.N, would you be able to speculate and give your educated opinion on the "peacefulness" of SN?

 

[jenson]

Hi, @jenson

Being an ICU R.N, would you be able to speculate and give your educated opinion on the "peacefulness" of SN?

I'm sorry but its not something we see in our ICU. Poisonings aren't all that common. Most of my very limited knowledge was from the small amount of research when I was looking for ctb methods. Most of what I looked at was on the nitrogen method but decided both SN and nitrogen would be more difficult than just using medications available to me. SN is a very common method on this site but it seems like a pain to get so I stopped looking into it. It must not be that bad though if its a common method. We mostly deal with GSWs, ground level falls and MVCs. I can definitely tell you those are all mixed bags though. Stepping in front of a car is likely to be slow and painful if you manage to ctb. Its more likely you will end up with us with a breathing tube down your throat with restraints to keep you from pulling it out. GSWs are more successful. We typically get shootings where half the people involved were dead on scene. Abdomen is slow and terrible if you survive but theres a 50/50 you eventually ctb. Headshots are interesting because Ive seen people survive those as well. If you dont then you ctb quickly or care is pulled pretty fast once neurosurg decides its its over. I dont see alot of gsws to the heart so I wonder if the area isnt a common target or if those dead at the scene were hit in the heart. Still questionable though. Another thing to note is that these were attempted murders so there was alot more bullets sent downrange. Someone trying to ctb probably only has one shot. If you are gonna do a fall then you better do it very high. Sorry I couldn't be of more help on SN.

 

[DeathWish3301]

I'm sorry but its not something we see in our ICU. Poisonings aren't all that common. Most of my very limited knowledge was from the small amount of research when I was looking for ctb methods. Most of what I looked at was on the nitrogen method but decided both SN and nitrogen would be more difficult than just using medications available to me. SN is a very common method on this site but it seems like a pain to get so I stopped looking into it. It must not be that bad though if its a common method. We mostly deal with GSWs, ground level falls and MVCs. I can definitely tell you those are all mixed bags though. Stepping in front of a car is likely to be slow and painful if you manage to ctb. Its more likely you will end up with us with a breathing tube down your throat with restraints to keep you from pulling it out. GSWs are more successful. We typically get shootings where half the people involved were dead on scene. Abdomen is slow and terrible if you survive but theres a 50/50 you eventually ctb. Headshots are interesting because Ive seen people survive those as well. If you dont then you ctb quickly or care is pulled pretty fast once neurosurg decides its its over. I dont see alot of gsws to the heart so I wonder if the area isnt a common target or if those dead at the scene were hit in the heart. Still questionable though. Another thing to note is that these were attempted murders so there was alot more bullets sent downrange. Someone trying to ctb probably only has one shot. If you are gonna do a fall then you better do it very high. Sorry I couldn't be of more help on SN.

That's totally alright. I sincerely appreciate you responding and also being honest that you aren't sure. And I'm sure they other info you provided will be helpful to others.

I just have one follow up question and I'll stop bothering you. And just to reiterate, I appreciate you responding.

In regards to methemoglobinemia, is this going to cause "air hunger" or a "feeling of suffocation"? Truthfully, this is the one that frightens me the most, if that's the case.

I personally can rationalize the other symptoms (vomiting, abdominal pain, seizure activity, headache, etc).

 

[petmom]

Fr This needs to be talked about more and have its own more comprehensive and helpful mega thread. It's a huge problem for many of us, and we're just prolonging our suffering. I mean personally if I'll ctb anyway, then can we move things along like….Dealing with SI and fear should have almost as much attention as the physical methods do. Like I swear I need info on substances to lower inhibition and risk and failure points/how to not mess up and new meditation techniques and journalling away SI and everything lol. Joking. But also so not

Maybe life will push me there in some years. I hope it does, even though it sucks. Actually words can't describe the pain sometimes