Discussion How long have you been experiencing suicidal thoughts?

[dogemn]

Have suicidal thoughts been a recent crisis for you, or something you've been struggling with or planning over many years? Personally I've been thinking about and planning suicide since I was about 11 years old, and I'm 29 now.

 

[Irisse]

I've been suicidal since I was 12 and now I'm 25.

 

[MissAbyss]

On and off, since my teenage years.

 

[kabuto43]

I've thought about intermittently when i was a kid two but it only became a serious preoccupation in recent years because once u grow older contemplating the meaning of your life just becomes an unavoidable issue and u have to face it nd make decisions for yourself

 

[Ashu]

Since I was fourteen, when I made my first attempt.

 

[Cauliflour]

Hard to tell really. Been fucked in the head for years but my definition of "suicidal" keeps changing as my standards increase and I forget how I was feeling the years before because it's now my new normal to compare to.

So sad how a few of these are so young! Like 11? I am so sorry.

 

[Tord]

I learned what suicide meant at about age 9 - 10 and it had always spoken to me since.

 

[SomewhereAlongThe]

It's been a long time. I've had on and off again suicidal thoughts since I was 11. My mum was really abusive towards me and one day at the ripe age of 11 I ended up trying to jump off a building. I couldn't take it any longer. Now I'm able to follow through with it, it's been awhile but I'm lucky for what I have in life that allows me to end it. :)

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Serious contemplation for like 13 years. Never went away

 

[PI3.14]

Since I was 18-19, so roughly 8 years

 

[freakypossum]

cant remember at this point

 

[itsgone2]

I've always thought about dying and have never taken life seriously enough. But only turned truly v suicidal after a botched surgery which led to extreme insomnia, lasting nearly a year. This is now my third go round with it. Life could have been so much different.

 

[INYGTRMTFMO]

I was 12 when I started having suicidal thoughts. I'm in my 30s now, so over 18 years.

Damn, my suicidal ideation can vote now.

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

I've had non-existence fantasies - like wishing I didn't exist - since I was about 8. Around this time I learned about abortion and asked my mom why she didn't abort me. Still kind of wish that was the case.

I started to actively plan for suicide when I was 16, when I first attempted. Since then I have attempted 4 times. My life feels like going through the cycles of trying, failing, and somehow attempting to find a reason to live. I'm now 47 and not actively suicidal. I'm still convinced that I will ctb in the end.

 

[lifecanbecruel!]

I was about 12 I think when I just saw nothing in my future.

Started really thinking about suicide when I was 17 probably, and it's never left! I am 33 now! Felt like something would happen to me to cut my life short in the future, or that I would take my own life. This is partly why I never had the motivation etc in life that others had, and why I lived a certain way! I never realised back then how difficult it might be to actually commit suicide. A lot more difficult than the films show!

When I was 17, it was more like I was thinking ' yes at some point I will do it in the future'. Now it's more like ' I have to do this now!'

It consumes me now!

 

[calicocat07]

Since I was like 13? Im 18. Its always just been bubbling in my head tbh.

 

[dudebl]

Since I was twelve when I had an outburst at school because I was getting a demerit for forgetting to wear my belt at a Catholic school and finally yelled out "I just want to die". It's like I'm suffering here at 12 wanting to die everyday and this b*tch teacher has nothing better to get her rocks off but to tell me another thing I'm lacking at.

Still effin hate that Catholic school for making my life hell and helping shape the miserable person I am today.

 

[darksouls]

I had my first serious suicidal thoughts when I was about 14

 

[Foraging]

I would say I've had it since I was 10 to 11 years old, now I'm 19.

 

[ReturnToVega]

Probably 11 or 12. I've always felt something was deeply wrong with this world.

 

[Spite]

Ever since I was about 14. I'm 27 now. I'm surprised I've lived as long as I have.

 

[bpd.mess]

I've been suicidal since I was 12, and now I'm 22.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

I was on the way to jump off a building at about 13 and to jump in front of a train at about 25. There was another almost cutting of wrists incident at about 34, but these were impulsive, not thought out acts. Last year, I started thinking about suicide again and since November it's been a daily thing. So actively, almost 11 months now at the age of 49. And I dread the anniversary of what brought me to this point.

 

[Forever Sleep]

35 years- since the age of 10. To varying intensities. Mostly passive ideation because I haven't felt able to commit because of various loved ones. Only the past few years has it become more active ideation- researching and preparing a method.

 

[PiercingsEchos]

Maybe since like 2015. God where did time go

 

[heroine]

i was begging god to kill me at 6 or 7

 

[quietpill]

It's funny. I believe I was 9 the first time I actively (maybe the only time) and outwardly threatened CTB was when my brother was approaching me in the kitchen around age 9. I pulled a butter knife from the drawer, pointed it at my stomach and said I'd kill myself if he took another step towards me. I was, of course, grounded and not allowed to leave my room or touch the kitchen for a decade on. Now, I live on his couch and make him dinner when he lets me.