Discussion How long have you been experiencing suicidal thoughts?

[dogemn]

Have suicidal thoughts been a recent crisis for you, or something you've been struggling with or planning over many years? Personally I've been thinking about and planning suicide since I was about 11 years old, and I'm 29 now.

 

[failedmind]

Since I was 10. Started self harming at the same age too. I'm 24 now

 

[PaxAmericaX]

Always had sad moments living in fear of future or bullies. But When my dad was suddenly given weeks to live with terminal cancer and began to ask God to take my life and spare him. Then there was a dangerous operation for a chance Ito extend his life and while waiting for the operation to end I walked at work to a tree in my uniform thinking of hanging myself so I didnt have to face the news of his death. A friend called out of the blue and we had a coffee. He doesnt know.

After many thoughts of dying I actually began trying hanging in 2019 when I found I had blanked out during probate and made a stupid decision costing family a huge future tax allowance. The lawyer had been ignorant of the tax law and then been sly and then covered up. I also made cuts to my wrist that were superficial but the pain helped distract me from the mental pain.

Now I think other issues are driving me again to want to die. I just havent been able to smile in a month or get put of bed (sleeping on bedroom floor). I havent bathed but keep changing to clean clothes from time to time. I still look like shit having lost so much weight. I no longer have the will to live.

So its been various periods over the last 14 years

 

[jakerjays]

I've been suicidal since I was 12-13 and I'm 19 now, I don't see it going away any time soon

 

[deep-sleeper]

Since middle school, it never got any better

 

[Alexandra_]

I've had suicidal thoughts my entire life. Even as a child, I realized I needed to put an end to this horrible existence as quickly as possible

 

[FuneralCry]

It's not a crisis rather for me it's a response to being burdened with something so torturous and futile as existence, for me ceasing to exist is all that's positive and as long as I've existed I've always hoped for peace.

All I hope for is permanent relief from all pain and suffering where this dreadful, deeply undesirable existence I just always saw as a mistake is finally all forgotten about, existence is always the problem to me and I personally see no value in suffering so unnecessarily with no limit as to how much one can be tortured just to die in agony from old age.