how do you feel right now? don’t even think about it, just type.

[fuewybfunsfoiceoi]

I feel a bit angry when the convention is speak about preventing ctb. It feels like the intent is to defile my precious miracle. It literally holds me up like the hand which holds a sock puppet, I'd be glob otherwise.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Constipated.

 

[Jinxyxx]

Hopeless

 

[dontwakemeup]

Invisible.

Constipated.

I'd love to be constipated! I have dumping syndrome, so everything I eat ends in horrific diarrhea

 

[Random Username]

Really conflicted. Unsatisfied with where my life currently is & even knowing that I've done better in the past, I can't help but feel depressed & unwilling to change back

 

[SNastablesalt]

i feel empty and numb.

felt that .

 

[sleepforever81]

I want to die so bad, all I thinking of 24/7 is how I am going to do it

 

[Sakura.]

I really can't bear the suffering I have to go through every day...

I really don't want to put up with this anymore...

I really want to finally do it...

 

[spoonfed]

I'm sat here reading and scrolling with both my wrists glued, taped and bandaged, has it changed my mind? No, and all I want right now is an itching stick

 

[bfguc]

Feel unimportant, lonely, worthless, and anxious

 

[Sakura.]

I'm handicapped, dysfunctional, severely autistic retard...

...

How I am supposed to not suffer..?

 

[Ravel]

empty, lonely, very anxious. I feel there is no hope for me

 

[Sakura.]

I barely live...

I suffer my every second and I really can't change it...


I really wish everything would be different...

 

[lemonandcapers]

I feel content enough to live... for now. It scares me how content I feel because CTB would solve all of my problems. The problems are still there. I am living so much in the moment that I am forgetting the issues that await me. I feel dread and anxiety thinking about everything in my life that has gone wrong to lead me to now. I can't run from it now that I have to sit down and process it.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Hopeless, depressed, lonely and regretful.

 

[WantingtoLeave]

Scared, but relieved I may have found my method to CTB.

 

[outrider567]

Down

 

[Forever Sleep]

Exhausted and I still have so much I need to do this evening.

 

[Require_love]

I think I'm a bad person and I deserve to not exist. I feel abandoned, and that's it's my fault. I want to feel warm.

 

[Sakura.]

I can't bear what happened to me any longer.

I really can't take it anymore.

I wish I could be forgiven, but I won't.

What I endure is just too much.

I thought that somehow I would be able to endure it all, but I was wrong.

I wish everything would already end...

I'm sorry.

 

[senyaa.]

;; fucking exhausted.

;; not as bad as a couple days b4 tbh but still.

;; tried to lose myself in booze, it's not working for me anymore.

 

[SomewhereAlongThe]

I'm tired of it all.

 

[Jisatsu]

Like everything in my life is coming to a end and everytime I try to stop it things get worse .

 

[Meowmeownextweek]

i feel empty and filthy at the same time, like im rotting and being eaten away by maggots from the inside out

 

[Sakura.]

I don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself...


It should be good, just like with other people...

I should be happy, just like other people...


But instead, I suffer so much...


But instead, I'm in so much pain...

 

[Tenebrion]

In one word - Desperate.

I went from being married (no kids), owning my own home, good job, exotic holidays to living in a rented 1 bed flat, divorced, no job, no money. And it was all my own fault through alcohol abuse. Been sober for 3 years now but I sometimes wish I wasn't.

To make matters worse, the couple living in the flat below me insist on playing loud music or having their TV cranked right up. I've confronted them about it and things were much better for a while but for whatever reason they've started up again. I'm on edge the whole time waiting for them to start. Last night it started at 10pm (their TV). They're quite aggressive when confronted too.

Oh yeah, I've developed epilepsy since they moved in. Not saying it's related but it makes you think.

The stress and anxiety is really getting to me and I can't relax at all. I just want out.

 

[Sakura.]

My suffering is currently taking over my life more and more, and I can't do anything about it...

I try to throw it all out here, but it's never enough...


Everything is passing me by, everything is slipping through my fingers...


All positive things are unavailable to me, and with each day, with each such thing that I can't experience, I feel so painfully that I'm missing out on everything...

 

[Grog]

I'm angry. I'm sick of being poor. The SSA doesn't pay me and so many others a living wage. I dream all the time about having enough money for a place of my own; I live in such a toxic and, at times, dangerous environment.
I at least want enough money to buy some little things that bring me a little joy, like Nendoroids, manga, more video games... but it's so hard to even get these things...

 

[Beavisandbutthead]

After drinking too much whiskey I'm feeling great and on top of the world

 

[can'tafford2live]

Despair has become such an overwhelming feeling that it's giving way to numbness. My brain just can't take it anymore. Everyday I think about the day I will finally CTB. I'm here only for my dogs at this point. I feel a duty to see them out, because I don't want them to have to be rehomed at their ages. All I can do is make sure the 3 of us are ok at the moment. I can't afford to be here much more. I am drowning in debt and have long needed healthcare that I'll never be able to afford. Can't afford anything. Just drowning in debt and have no hope for anything to improve. I don't hope anymore. I fantasize about the day that I finally get to put a gun in my mouth. I worry I won't be able to pull the trigger because my arthritis is getting so bad. My heart is bad. I'm physically falling apart and can't afford to fix anything. At this point, I don't even want to. I hate this body.
I'm new here and am fortunate to find this site where everyone can speak freely without fear of institutionalization. Thank you for sharing all your stories and information.