how do you feel right now? don’t even think about it, just type.

[darksouls]

the awakening came too late

 

[darksouls]

cloudflare kicked me out for a few hours

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Stressed, always stressed when there's an issue connecting to the site. What will I ever do without you guys.

 

[v0id]

i feel overwhelmed with everything. i just can't kill myself. i don't even know why. now, the prospect of me having to live with myself for the rest of my life overwhelms me. the fact that it's up to me makes me feel sick. i didn't plan to live this long. i was supposed to die earlier. i should have died. my consciousness is a torture i cannot get rid of

 

[darkandtwisty]

Stressed, anxiety ridden, feelings of being a failure. Desperate for cash.
...... I mean, I'm fine.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

the awakening came too late

Yes, this. I finally know what I needed to know 20 years ago.

 

[motob]

I don't know if i can do this

 

[lost in the lilies]

I'm so tired

 

[MourningFlower]

Feeling unseen and just a touch broken. No hurt, just static and the silent plea for the inevitable, echoing into a void.

 

[thefarter]

i feel so ? hopeless.
and hurt. and confused. and heartbroken.
i thought my work friend had good intentions but i am afraid he might just hate me as much as everyone else. it really sucks.
i always choose the wrong people to trust.
i guess the right person to trust is.. nobody?

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Horrified and ashamed. I've felt this since high school. When did I first start cringing at myself? When did I start doing and saying things I can't live with? I'm not sure but I know it ruined my mental processes. I was never quite a participant in life, I was always half-assing it for the time being, assuming something was about to change. A maladjusted soul, a mislived life.

But it goes on! I keep getting up and going to "work!" (Right now, just coaching high school wrestling). Sticking the kids, their families, and the school with my suicide with a month to go in the season would be pretty shitty. I worry about traumatizing them, but maybe there'd be a wakeup call about living your life well. Don't end up like Coach.

I fantasize about hanging myself later today but I do that every day. It's a lot easier to say you're in your last year than your last minute. But I think I'm over the pain of hanging. I've gone pretty far with partial to the point where it hurts afterward. Stepping down into FSH is possible. Then this whole parade of failure stops. And I don't have to do menial work for decades while my memory torments me with what could have been.

Man, a little wisdom when you're young and can use it and everything's different. The path to a good life was right there and I walked off into the weeds.

 

[sweetdrowning]

Longing to be in my eternal dream. I feel stuck and dead.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I really don't want to go to work in an hour. I want to tie up my noose and hang now. But guess what--I won't! That 1% chance I'll do it before my next obligation gives me all the hope I have.

 

[KaliAimes012]

i feel empty and numb. i feel lost. i don't think i'm doing anything correctly, but i'm so drained at this point i don't really fucking care.

Done for. My girlfriend had been everything i lived for a d now we ant even be together anymore. I tried to stay strong for her so we could be together when we were 18 but ig im not making it to that point. I feel sorry for her but i just have no other choice. Ive been researching hanging for a few weeks now and i hope this finally end me.

 

[LonelyPrince]

Dissociated. Limbo.

 

[Unlucky777]

awful, ive made steps to improve my life, but i feel like it always leads back to SI and me sleeping all day.

Yeah same I've made so many improvements to my life yet I keep circling back to the fact that LIFE IS NOT WORTH LIVING.

 

[rainatthebusstop]

I wanna fall asleep and never wake up again

 

[Arvayn]

I feel diseased. Because I literally am. Head's spinning...

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

"I want to be dead" is different from "I wanna be dead in thirty seconds." It's so incredibly hard to tie the noose to the anchor point, climb the chair, and step off. Every time I don't do it I think, "OK, tonight then. Tomorrow morning then." But taking that action seems impossible.

Somehow I think I could drink N though. Take pain out of the picture, give me a few minutes' delay, and I'm good. Maybe.

 

[pubix]

Ashamed of consuming good air that could go to a useful human being, instead of a worthless sack of shit.

 

[sunflowers]

horrible
i just want to slit my throat and end it already
but i cant, of course cowards like me would never dare to

 

[whoisit]

I want my pain to stop and Looking for sn

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I wrote another note and tried hanging again. It's true that I wasn't 100% committed. Set it up at the closest I could get to FSH height but it ended up tiptoes. It was the strongest pull yet. I heard a pop and now it hurts to swallow. That might be a useable partial anchor but there's also a high chance of being found. My apartment would be a better spot than the laundry room but I'd have to do partial leaning on a door and that's just about impossible.

I've been telling myself that FSH is my way out "tonight, tomorrow morning," etc. but I just can't pull it off. I have a good outdoor anchor point but it's light out. Also I'm too damn afraid. But life is unbearable. How long can this go on? I fear I'm gonna be curled in a ball in my apartment when I need to be at work rather than dead.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

HOLY SHIT I'M NOT FUNCTIONAL AND I CAN'T DIE

All I do is scroll and procrastinate but every day I have to stop and pull it together and work. I'm in so much pain and I keep thinking FSH is my way out but I can't do it. My throat hurts after my last "attempt." I can't go on and there's no way out. I can't compose myself enough to buy a gun. This is unbearable. It turns out that crumpling under the pain doesn't make you die. There's no easy way out for cowards. God help me.

 

[sweetdrowning]

I'm ready for it to be over.

 

[itsgone2]

HOLY SHIT I'M NOT FUNCTIONAL AND I CAN'T DIE

All I do is scroll and procrastinate but every day I have to stop and pull it together and work. I'm in so much pain and I keep thinking FSH is my way out but I can't do it. My throat hurts after my last "attempt." I can't go on and there's no way out. I can't compose myself enough to buy a gun. This is unbearable. It turns out that crumpling under the pain doesn't make you die. There's no easy way out for cowards. God help me.

I'm feeling similar. Not fully functional at all. Sleep sucks. Diet. Hygiene. Everything in a very rapid decline. Body aches. Slowly going insane. Just completely ruined.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I think scrolling my phone will bring relief, I'll somehow click on what I'm looking for, but it's nothing but procrastination. I've been doing this all day for months. Thinking "suicide tonight is my out" made it possible. But then came "how about sleep instead?" and I just kept going and going. And it turns out hanging is really hard. What on earth am I going to do?

 

[Deer_Dairy]

Empty, anxious and feel intense pain like when you know all is worthless, nothing have a meaning. You know, just deep depression.

I'm feeling similar. Not fully functional at all. Sleep sucks. Diet. Hygiene. Everything in a very rapid decline. Body aches. Slowly going insane. Just completely ruined.

So we are three. Somehow functional but sinking into complete "madness." I just wanna put an end to it. And I will. I hope so. Fear and pain don't mix well.

 

[darksouls]

trapped in eternal cold and darkness

 

[Astrym]

Heartbroken, even though it's been a year.