Discussion How do I get over the rage I feel when I realise that after I kill myself the world will LITERALLY live happily ever after essentially

[1NSPECTOR]

1st actual post here i've been a lurker for time now.

I honestly want to die but what pisses me off and discourages me is the fact that if I were to do it afterwards people would just continue living happy as always. Visualising people smiling, enjoying themselves pisses me off so much. I'm an 18 year old autist for context. I'm furious at the fact I even thought to make an account here at such a young age, people my age are literally living the time of their lives with friends, family and maybe even a gf/bf whatever.. I don't care

How's it fair I've been miserable since 12 years old, there'd be no climax, no future just nothingness while everyone else gets to enjoy the beauty of the world which society has deprived me of via bullying, dehumanising me based on how I act as a result of my autism. It's not fucking fair whatsoever. My thoughts are disorganised as a warning but even imagining people enjoying themselves after my death pisses me off even if they have nothing to do with me. I imagine people my age partying without a care in the world for me, having sex, being out with friends while I exist in the void devoid of any thoughts or conscious

After 6 whole years of a gradual decrease in my sanity and wellbeing they don't even have to absorb a fraction of my pain which they caused how the fuck is that fair? I never asked to be an ugly autistic piece of shit, matter of fact I never asked to be born in the first place. My literal existence was a mistake. Completely unrelated but I love ranting hahah hahhhah hLOSING IT.

Anyways.. My parents were more or less coerced into marrying due to at the time being involved in jehovah's witness meaning they would have never married if it weren't for that. I remember during my childhood few happy moments with my father which didn't involve shouting due to me just being a kid and messing about. I heard him say something a couple months ago that really locked everything in for me personally. He stated, when we had you we were hoping you'd be a girl and we would've stopped there (for context my sister is the youngest in my family indicating they'd intended for me to be the 2nd child, not 3rd or 4th) This literally means that I was a mistake there's no clearer way I can put this. So yeah the second I was even conceived although my parents may have put on a happy face maybe, they didn't want me from the get go. Fuck this life, I would've preferred to have never been born then I wouldn't have to endure the suffering which is suicide.

Rant over

 

[ilovenewyork]

Who cares what they think? You have a life so make the most of that and enjoy yourself. Forget your family

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

yeah but they , i and everyone will be dead soon anyway. because how fast did this year 2025 fly ?

so nothing matters to me and except me skipping over any extreme suffering ,unbearable pain or extreme torture and getting to my Death = Non-existence forever

true we'll all die soon . we all end up in the same state not existing obliterated for all time. but i can't and won't go throug even a minute of the worst pain or worst torture or most horrible thing

the only thing that matters is avoiding any extreme suffering the in the brief time i'm alive . i can't stand pain and i don't want to suffer or feel any pain much less the most excruciating or unbearable pain ever and yeah that matters to me . what others do or don't do doesn't matter as long they don't affect me or my plans to achieve my goals personally.

it doesn't matter to me that i should do some pleasure addiction like watching videos or tv or social media or anything nothing matters except me avoiding any unbearable pain and getting to my suicide asap where i'll be in safety from this evil world this torture hell. getting out of this nightmare a hell a trillion times worse than the worst hell you can imagine to the most perfect state Eternal Non-existence yes that matters to me and is my only rational goal.

 

[godforbidpain]

i've had very similar feelings of rage. i'm autistic too. it pisses me off that, even tho it sounds really stupid, the world wouldn't stop even for a second if i killed myself. makes me feel like i never even mattered in the first place, if nothing will change even if i die. i don't know if you feel similarly, but yeah.

 

[Cauliflour]

I honestly want to die but what pisses me off and discourages me is the fact that if I were to do it afterwards people would just continue living happy as always. Visualising people smiling, enjoying themselves pisses me off so much. I'm an 18 year old autist for context. I'm furious at the fact I even thought to make an account here at such a young age, people my age are literally living the time of their lives with friends, family and maybe even a gf/bf whatever.. I don't care

Most people run on autopilot: why else do you think the stupidest shit gets people on TikTok lining up outside of shops? Don't bother thinking about those kinds of people, they move onto whatever catches their eye pretty quickly. You have better things to use your brain power on, like spite.

 

[monkeybone]

1st actual post here i've been a lurker for time now.

I honestly want to die but what pisses me off and discourages me is the fact that if I were to do it afterwards people would just continue living happy as always. Visualising people smiling, enjoying themselves pisses me off so much. I'm an 18 year old autist for context. I'm furious at the fact I even thought to make an account here at such a young age, people my age are literally living the time of their lives with friends, family and maybe even a gf/bf whatever.. I don't care

How's it fair I've been miserable since 12 years old, there'd be no climax, no future just nothingness while everyone else gets to enjoy the beauty of the world which society has deprived me of via bullying, dehumanising me based on how I act as a result of my autism. It's not fucking fair whatsoever. My thoughts are disorganised as a warning but even imagining people enjoying themselves after my death pisses me off even if they have nothing to do with me. I imagine people my age partying without a care in the world for me, having sex, being out with friends while I exist in the void devoid of any thoughts or conscious

After 6 whole years of a gradual decrease in my sanity and wellbeing they don't even have to absorb a fraction of my pain which they caused how the fuck is that fair? I never asked to be an ugly autistic piece of shit, matter of fact I never asked to be born in the first place. My literal existence was a mistake. Completely unrelated but I love ranting hahah hahhhah hLOSING IT.

Anyways.. My parents were more or less coerced into marrying due to at the time being involved in jehovah's witness meaning they would have never married if it weren't for that. I remember during my childhood few happy moments with my father which didn't involve shouting due to me just being a kid and messing about. I heard him say something a couple months ago that really locked everything in for me personally. He stated, when we had you we were hoping you'd be a girl and we would've stopped there (for context my sister is the youngest in my family indicating they'd intended for me to be the 2nd child, not 3rd or 4th) This literally means that I was a mistake there's no clearer way I can put this. So yeah the second I was even conceived although my parents may have put on a happy face maybe, they didn't want me from the get go. Fuck this life, I would've preferred to have never been born then I wouldn't have to endure the suffering which is suicide.

Rant over

I agree with u i wanna ctb but it pisses me off how happy people will be specially those that harmed me lets say somebody gets harrassed and he ends up why tf is it fair that the people that did this to him are enjoying their lifes? Well sadly life keeps on going with or without us im 26 and my life been miserable since my teen years and ive come to realize im not special life and people will continue with or without us. I really relate to what u said.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

21 year old autist here who joined this site as the same age you are. 100% agree. I know many people who are suffering, and there are literal genocides going on, so obviously I don't think everyone is happier than me, but I can't help but notice that some of the worst offenders will still continue to suceed in life if I kill myself.

 

[EmptyBottle]

21 year old autist here who joined this site as the same age you are. 100% agree. I know many people who are suffering, and there are literal genocides going on, so obviously I don't think everyone is happier than me, but I can't help but notice that some of the worst offenders will still continue to suceed in life if I kill myself.

wow I'm also 21 and on the spectrum!

Tho from a post I read by @COP2CON , the one-way bus seems to have an impact on some survivors.

 

[TAW122]

I may have had similar feelings when I was younger, but as I grew older and also when I realized the facts of CTB that I would no longer suffer, but those who still remain sentient, including the ones who are still around (mostly normies and pro-lifers, anti-choicers, CTB-preventionists, etc.) will have to deal with sentience and whatever life throws at them. Perhaps they may have their own way out when the time comes, but most of them, statistically speaking, will likely have to deal with a death outside of their own terms (assuming they don't go for the right to die as they are diametrically opposed to it by default), be it disease and infirmity, accidents, or other events outside of their control. Furthermore, joy and glory is fleeting in the sense that they will have bad days while those who have exited already (and especially on one's own terms) cannot be further harmed from the ongoing continuation of (unwanted) sentience.

At least, this realization is what I'm going with. And also, when one is no longer around, they wouldn't experience anything afterwards (unless one is religious or believes in an afterlife; but for me, I don't. I'm an atheist and don't believe in God(s).) once the state of sentience is no longer being. It would just be nothingness, similar to all the billions of years before one was sentience or conscious.

 

[maylurker]

I honestly want to die but what pisses me off and discourages me is the fact that if I were to do it afterwards people would just continue living happy as always.

that means u integrated into society idk i dont care at all about what people gonna do because im pretty much antisocial

 

[InevitableDeath]

Geez, why feel rage over that?!

They can fucking have it, they can have each other, they can have it all.

Because they are the ones who have ensured It. Is. All. Shit.

And not worth having.

What they have is superficiality, vanity, ignorance and cruelty.

And they will go on and on and on and on with that.