Help deciding if I should do it at home or hotel?

[kufajoy]

I have fixed a date for ctb. Method will be SN with propofol 60ml/minutes. I'm doing it mainly because of self hatred and and I'm misfit transfem in our community anyway I haven't told anything to my family and they still loves me(their version of me which I still act)

I'm planning to do it in my room because I'm a homeboy with social anxiety issues. If I told them I'm going on a trip they won't believe me. Either I can do it in my room and make a scene or I can do it by fleeing from my house a book a hotel somehow.

If I flee from my home, it will make them very anxious specially my mother and grandma will be very anxious for some days until they found I'm gone. Because I live in a 3rd world country, there is a chance they won't even find my body. The hotel authority might just dispose my body.

Idk which to decide. My own room or a hotel

 

[fadedghost]

I have fixed a date for ctb. Method will be SN with propofol 60ml/minutes. I'm doing it mainly because of self hatred and and I'm misfit transfem in our community anyway I haven't told anything to my family and they still loves me(their version of me which I still act)

I'm planning to do it in my room because I'm a homeboy with social anxiety issues. If I told them I'm going on a trip they won't believe me. Either I can do it in my room and make a scene or I can do it by fleeing from my house a book a hotel somehow.

If I flee from my home, it will make them very anxious specially my mother and grandma will be very anxious for some days until they found I'm gone. Because I live in a 3rd world country, there is a chance they won't even find my body. The hotel authority might just dispose my body.

Idk which to decide. My own room or a hotel

it's not an easy choice

have you heard of the rainbow railroad (www.rainbowrailroad.org)? if you are trans in an area that isn't accepting, sometimes other countries will take you... they help people get out from harsh areas.

 

[kufajoy]

it's not an easy choice

have you heard of the rainbow railroad (www.rainbowrailroad.org)? if you are trans in an area that isn't accepting, sometimes other countries will take you... they help people get out from harsh areas.

Thanks for showing me that website but I haven't exposed myself yet as a transgender. I will just take it to grave. And I don't think I can struggle that much just to live ;)

 

[dalemar]

Very tough decision.
Both options have pros and cons.
I think overall, the hotel has some more pros, but its a very personal decision.
I wish you all the best!

 

[kufajoy]

Very tough decision.
Both options have pros and cons.
I think overall, the hotel has some more pros, but its a very personal decision.
I wish you all the best!

Thanks

 

[fadedghost]

Thanks for showing me that website but I haven't exposed myself yet as a transgender. I will just take it to grave. And I don't think I can struggle that much just to live ;)

you don't really have to come out as transgender if you are in an oppressive country

i don't know where you are, but if you are in a country in africa or the middle east, you can contact them by email and see about leaving and going to another country...

i understand not wanting to struggle however.

also, where you are, you may not see examples of trans people who are successful and happy and do well. They do exist. In my area, I've seen transwomen with successful careers who are respected and doing great in life. It doesn't mean for certain you would be happy somewhere else, but it could happen... Consider emailing them?

 

[kufajoy]

T

you don't really have to come out as transgender if you are in an oppressive country

i don't know where you are, but if you are in a country in africa or the middle east, you can contact them by email and see about leaving and going to another country...

i understand not wanting to struggle however.

also, where you are, you may not see examples of trans people who are successful and happy and do well. They do exist. In my area, I've seen transwomen with successful careers who are respected and doing great in life. It doesn't mean for certain you would be happy somewhere else, but it could happen... Consider emailing them?

Thank you for trying to help me. Means a lot but everything sounds too much right now for a person like me who can't keep eye on and talk to a stranger in real life, who get anxious seeing more than 4 stranger in a room, going outside world feels like torture. Ik I'm hopeless but thank you again,I will think about it.

 

[Realog11]

T

Thank you for trying to help me. Means a lot but everything sounds too much right now for a person like me who can't keep eye on and talk to a stranger in real life, who get anxious seeing more than 4 stranger in a room, going outside world feels like torture. Ik I'm hopeless but thank you again,I will think about it.

Good luck I am doing it at home in my room I think I would feel awkward doing it at a motel to sleep

 

[Panola]

hotel

 

[alexfb072]

I would say you have hotel has lower chances you get caught

 

[enditplz]

If someone is always home, you'll most likely be caught. It's not uncommon to vomit so they'll probably check up on you. I'd runaway and leave a note for them to know what you intend to do so that they don't worry that you got kidnapped or something. I think it'd be more scarring to find my kid's dead body than it would be to find them missing with a note. And I think it's a bonus if the hotel just disposes of your body so that my loved ones don't need to worry about a funeral or having to see me in that state.