Have you ever wanted to GENUINELY CTB over a seemingly trivial problem/inconvenience?

[glided~hydrangea]

I know a lot of people, including the average non-suicidal person, just thrown around the term that they're gonna ctb if they're frustrated or something.
But seeing that we're all on this site, our ctb intent is obviously much higher. So, my question to you guys is, has a non-detrimental problem in your life genuinely caused you strong enough feelings to ctb, to the point where you either attempted or heavily considered it/almost brought yourself to do it?
I know this has definitely happened to me a few times, to the point where even getting into an argument with a boss or classmate at uni has made me genuinely almost go through with it. I feel like since I'm so obviously open to the idea of ctb, I've started to subconsciously just use it as a possible outing for like every major inconvenience I've come across.
Are other people in a similar boat?

 

[BlueberrySylv]

personally at least based off of my exerpience.
this comes out of frustration and slowly making you end up like this.
an easy example i can give is imagine your mind is a bucket. and that bucket can be filled with things anything.
the more it get's filled with worries. trouble. annoyance the less sturdy the bucket becomes.
eventually even breaking.

your mind is something like that. if you always worry or often get anxious. tired. etc without much grace period inbetween.
you end up less resiliant and well...consider it more and more. until the point of no return.
if you see yourself constantly thinking about that. well..you might be getting exceptionally "tired" or filled to the brim. i supposed

i hope my words make sense

 

[glided~hydrangea]

personally at least based off of my exerpience.
this comes out of frustration and slowly making you end up like this.
an easy example i can give is imagine your mind is a bucket. and that bucket can be filled with things anything.
the more it get's filled with worries. trouble. annoyance the less sturdy the bucket becomes.
eventually even breaking.

your mind is something like that. if you always worry or often get anxious. tired. etc without much grace period inbetween.
you end up less resiliant and well...consider it more and more. until the point of no return.
if you see yourself constantly thinking about that. well..you might be getting exceptionally "tired" or filled to the brim. i supposed

i hope my words make sense

Ahh yes, that totally makes sense! That's a great analogy, too! I do have diagnosed anxiety, depression, ptsd, and chronic stress so I can definitely see how my will lessens with every inconvenience lmao. I really appreciate you sharing your words and wisdom

 

[Bitter Almonds]

Someone cuts me off in traffic? Let me just yank the steering wheel and drive into traffic

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Definitely, I have a strong suicide ideation that fluctuates a lot due to my bpd. The smallest most meaningless things can set me off and make me genuinely wanna die lol. I've had people tell me I'm not genuinely suicidal and just using suicide as a means to manipulate because of this.

 

[EndlessRage]

Definitely, I have a strong suicide ideation that fluctuates a lot due to my bpd. The smallest most meaningless things can set me off and make me genuinely wanna die lol. I've had people tell me I'm not genuinely suicidal and just using suicide as a means to manipulate because of this.

Does that make you mad at people more often

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Does that make you mad at people more often

Yes unfortunately. I know that people are very unlikely to take my feelings seriously because of how bizarre they come across. And just because majority of people aren't educated on my disorder. It makes me bitter and hateful to the people around me.

 

[EndlessRage]

Yes unfortunately. I know that people are very unlikely to take my feelings seriously because of how bizarre they come across. And just because majority of people aren't educated on my disorder. It makes me bitter and hateful to the people around me.

Me too. I struggle to make friends because of it, It sucks to be neurodivergent.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Me too. I struggle to make friends because of it, It sucks to be neurodivergent.

I am also neurodivergent, and on top of my bpd it only makes my life more difficult so I understand.

 

[these_days9]

totally agree with what @BlueberrySylv said and maybe my most recent bucket overflow will I dunno entertain or resonate with someone else. So paper towels come in a roll and you rip a piece off to use at a perforation. And lately every single goddamn time I do there's a little fucking final piece that doesn't rip off with the rest. And every time it happens, I think if I had a gun I would immediately stick it in my mouth and pull the trigger. usually it ends up in sh of some kind. It's insane, I know. And so beyond privileged. But even just thinking about it now makes me want to crawl out of my skin. I've wanted to die for something like 25 years. My bucket overfloweth.