Goodbye thread

[ohsosleepy]

Early tomorrow morning, I'll be ingesting SN. I hope this will be my last attempt, in whatever way that may be.

Maybe a whole goodbye thread for me is a little self important, considering I haven't been here very long or contributed much, lol. Maybe it can just be for documentation.

My protocol is as follows:
2am - 10g metoclopramide
10am - 10g metoclopramide
6pm - 10g metoclopramide
7pm - Start dry fast
2am - 10g metoclopramide, 400mg ibuprofen
3am - 25g SN in 50ml water

No backup just in case things go wrong and I'm wheeled off to the hospital. I don't have much SN and I don't want to go through the pain of getting it again, especially now. I'm banking everything on this meto to keep me from throwing up, haha. We will see whether or not that is a mistake on my part!!

It still doesn't feel fully real to me, even when I actively take steps to prepare for it. I feel anxious, relieved, excited, and scared all at once. There are lots of things I'll miss, but I don't really have it in me to do anything about it right now. The last couple weeks have been tolerable, and even fun, but it's not something I can sustain.

If I have the energy, I want to use the time before I take the SN to get dolled up for the occasion. I don't really know the reason why I wanted to do that in the first place anymore, but it might be fun. I'll listen to some music too. Maybe it will help me gather the strength to willingly drink poison.

 

[darksouls]

peace and love to you, my friend

 

[Alexandra_]

I wish you luck, and I hope you can find the peace you are seeking

 

[pk@2001]

Wishing you the peace which you have so long desired for

 

[Call_of-the_Void]

I hope things go well for you, and you find what you're looking for.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find peace.

 

[nosense-user]

What country are you from?

 

[ohsosleepy]

What country are you from?

Eastern USA ^^

 

[peacebenow]

Peace be with you.

 

[Badatlove]

You are so strong. I wish you peace. What music are you going to listen to?

 

[ohsosleepy]

You are so strong. I wish you peace. What music are you going to listen to?

Thank you :) I have an auto playlist of my top listens, I figured familiarity would be most comforting to me ^^

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

I hope you're doing ok, you can always wait until another day if you don't quite feel ready .

 

[red_cardinal]

I hope you find the peace you're looking for

 

[ohsosleepy]

It's finally time. I'm feeling a lot more anxious now, haha. To the point I feel so uncoordinated. It could also be the fact that I'm in a dress now lol. Maybe I should have worn something more comfortable. It's a little harder to breathe.

I'm a little bit late, but all that's left is to completely dissolve the SN and drink it. I might have to sit here for a bit before I can do that. Very similar to my last attempt lol

Thank you all for your well wishes <3

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Wishing you all the peace in the universe .

 

[hopelessartsy]

I hope youre still alive and not dead. I think you should reconsider. I also think that the people who care more about you living just to have you life but dont give a fuck about your life improving are assholes. I really hope you make it, but I know I cant control everything. Hope youre still here.

 

[rachel_rayrayy]

Early tomorrow morning, I'll be ingesting SN. I hope this will be my last attempt, in whatever way that may be.

Maybe a whole goodbye thread for me is a little self important, considering I haven't been here very long or contributed much, lol. Maybe it can just be for documentation.

My protocol is as follows:
2am - 10g metoclopramide
10am - 10g metoclopramide
6pm - 10g metoclopramide
7pm - Start dry fast
2am - 10g metoclopramide, 400mg ibuprofen
3am - 25g SN in 50ml water

No backup just in case things go wrong and I'm wheeled off to the hospital. I don't have much SN and I don't want to go through the pain of getting it again, especially now. I'm banking everything on this meto to keep me from throwing up, haha. We will see whether or not that is a mistake on my part!!

It still doesn't feel fully real to me, even when I actively take steps to prepare for it. I feel anxious, relieved, excited, and scared all at once. There are lots of things I'll miss, but I don't really have it in me to do anything about it right now. The last couple weeks have been tolerable, and even fun, but it's not something I can sustain.

If I have the energy, I want to use the time before I take the SN to get dolled up for the occasion. I don't really know the reason why I wanted to do that in the first place anymore, but it might be fun. I'll listen to some music too. Maybe it will help me gather the strength to willingly drink poison.

I hope you can find peace, dear.

 

[ohsosleepy]

I drank it. Very very salty. Wow
I already feel like throwing up
I feel even more lightheaded
This doesn't feel good at all. i mean its not something that should but
ohhh i need to ho to fge bathroom

 

[hopelessartsy]

I drank it. Very very salty. Wow
I already feel like throwing up
I feel even more lightheaded
This doesn't feel good at all. i mean its not something that should but
ohhh i need to ho to fge bathroom

I wish I could have convinced you, but I guess there was no stopping you. This is haunting. Im scared. Yet I guess ill have to life that ill be around people who are dead in a matter of hours, knowing they were alive before. I dont even know how I could have convinced you. I feel like a hyocrite anyways. I dont know what will happen. Cant believe another person from here is dying. Im sorry.

I drank it. Very very salty. Wow
I already feel like throwing up
I feel even more lightheaded
This doesn't feel good at all. i mean its not something that should but
ohhh i need to ho to fge bathroom

If you do reconsider, then call 911 and unlock your door or share details of your location to help others since theres still time.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

I wish I could have convinced you, but I guess there was no stopping you. This is haunting. Im scared. Yet I guess ill have to life that ill be around people who are dead in a matter of hours, knowing they were alive before. I dont even know how I could have convinced you. I feel like a hyocrite anyways. I dont know what will happen. Cant believe another person from here is dying. Im sorry.

If you do reconsider, then call 911 and unlock your door or share details of your location to help others since theres still time.

What do you mean, you "can't believe another person from here is dying"?

That is what we are here to do.

Are you somehow unaware of what site you're on???

 

[hopelessartsy]

What do you mean, you "can't believe another person from here is dying"?

That is what we are here to do.

Are you somehow unaware of what site you're on???

I'm very aware. It just gets conflicting since I hear not everyones goal is to have people die or make the purpose completing their attempt as much as it is to discuss suicide.

At least the mods claim that this site isnt pro suicide or that its purpose is primarily to get people to kill themselves or "is what we are here to do".

 

[Ashu]

I hope youre still alive and not dead. I think you should reconsider.

Why? You do understand the ethos of this place, right?

 

[icanjustdoit]

Wishing you strength and peace.

 

[hopelessartsy]

Why? You do understand the ethos of this place, right?

I mean I suppose, but I dont think it should be bad to tell people to at least think about it even during a goodbye thread or to think that making an account equals immediate plans for death. Maybe im a pussy because I didnt make this account with an active plan to end my life (I did try in April though and self harmed) but I feel like maybe people should try to push back against the accusations this site gets a lot.

 

[Ashu]

I'm very aware. It just gets conflicting since I hear not everyones goal is to have people die or make the purpose completing their attempt as much as it is to discuss suicide.

At least the mods claim that this site isnt pro suicide or that its purpose is primarily to get people to kill themselves or "is what we are here to do".

The site is PRO CHOICE. We support people in any choice they make. And it is not just a place for abstract discussion of suicide. We are all serious about killing ourselves sooner or later, and many of us, like me, have survived attempts.

I mean I suppose, but I dont think it should be bad to tell people to at least think about it even during a goodbye thread or to think that making an account equals immediate plans for death. Maybe im a pussy because I didnt make this account with an active plan to end my life (I did try in April though and self harmed) but I feel like maybe people should try to push back against the accusations this site gets a lot.

Look, this person is dying right now. Could you start a new thread if you want to discuss your feelings about the group?

I drank it. Very very salty. Wow
I already feel like throwing up
I feel even more lightheaded
This doesn't feel good at all. i mean its not something that should but
ohhh i need to ho to fge bathroom

Please let us know if you survive.

 

[mutsu]

i hope you find the peace you are looking for, whether you're still with us or not

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

I'm very aware. It just gets conflicting since I hear not everyones goal is to have people die or make the purpose completing their attempt as much as it is to discuss suicide.

At least the mods claim that this site isnt pro suicide or that its purpose is primarily to get people to kill themselves or "is what we are here to do".

You are so confused.
It's pro-choice.
It isn't "to get people to kill themselves".


You have the right to choose not to CTB. Those who choose to CTB, that is also their right, and who are you to try to push your choice on them? They are respecting your choice, and you should respect theirs. If you can't control yourself enough to do that, the solution couldn't be simpler: don't click on the goodbye threads. Click only on threads that might apply to you and your situation, problem solved.

 

[Badatlove]

I am burning a candle for you tonight, that your soul must have found peace and light